Bill Belichick will address the media at 10:45am in Foxborough on Tuesday. Things he won't be
talking about: The foot fetishes of Rex Ryan, Wes Welker's Twitter obsessed wife, Robert Kraft's
30-year old girlfriend, and Deer Antler Spray. Nope. this press conference will be ALL about Tim
Tebow, why he signed him, and how he expects to employ him as a football player.
Here are the Top 10 things Belichick will say about Tim Tebow and what he's really thinking.
10. He's a good football player who, I think, can help us become a better team and win football
games.
What he's really thinking: We signed Tebow to be a chaperone to Gronk and calm his dancing
ass down.
9. I don't care what Tebow did with the New York Jets. I coach the New England Patriots and
that's all I can control. My job is to put players in the best possible position to succeed and
help us win games.
What he's really thinking: The Jets are the dumbest team in the history of the league and
wasted the talents of Tebow. Christ, they let Danny Woodhead go and I made him a star. I'm
going to stick it to them again and like it.
8. I think Tebow can succeed as a quarterback in this league with the proper coaching.
What he's really thinking: Tebow is the worst QB in the history of the league. He's killed
enough worms with his throws to feed a million baby birds. Bill Walsh couldn't make him
a quarterback. He will run, receive, and block for this team and nothing else.
7. I've always been a big fan of Tim Tebow.
What he's really thinking: My girlfriend loves him and told me to sign him. What baby wants,
baby gets.
6. No, I don't think Tim Tebow will be a distraction to this football team at all.
What he's really thinking: I control everything. I'll let you know when Tebow talks,
walks, and can run bare chested in the rain through training camp. Which I can tell
you right now, ain't happening. I made sure Corey Dillon and Randy Moss followed
the program. When they didn't, they were gone. Same goes for Tebow.
5. No, I didn't sign Tebow as a favor to Urban Meyer, who is one of the few people I
actually like on this planet.
What he's really thinking: I wish these reporters would quit asking such
stupid questions. The Bruins are playing for the Stanley Cup and I'm answering questions
about the 53rd guy on the team. (If he's lucky enough to make it)
4. Tim Tebow is like any other player on this team. He'll have to work hard, be smart,
and prove he can help this team.
What he's really thinking: We needed to step up our Bible study group. If nothing else,
Tebow will take it to a new level.
3. Why is ESPN so obsessed with Tim Tebow? I have no idea, you'll have to ask them.
What he's really thinking? I hate ESPN. I hate Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless. I
hate when Stu Scott screams, 'Boo-yeah'. Boo-yeah? What the hell does that mean?
Did they get bored worshipping LeBron James already? Give me a break
2. Do I like Tebowing? I like Tebowing as much as I like Face-Twit or whatever you
guys call it?
What he's really thinking: What a dumb effin' question. I'm tired of this noise already.
What time do the Bruins play tomorrow night?
1. No, I don't think Tebow is a God.
What he's really thinking: If Tebow was God, he'd complete at least 50 percent of
his quarterback. God is on this team, but he wears number 12.
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