Thursday, January 19, 2012


If you played for the Cleveland Indians, you'd probably want to change your identity
like Fausto Carmona did. But the veteran pitcher may have gone a little too far.
He was arrested in the Dominican last February while trying to get his visa to come
to the United States in time for spring training.

Authorities said that Carmona's real name is Roberto Hernandez Heredia and that
he's 31-years old, not 28, as the Indians media guide states. A Dominican or
Venezuelan fudging his age? No, way! That NEVER happens. (Wink, wink. See
Miquel Tejada and about 100 other players.)

I will give Roberto Hernandez Heredia credit for being creative. You just can't pull
the name Fausto Carmona out of a hat. It takes a real imagination to come up with
a name like that.

This could be the biggest identity theft since Michael Vick used the name, Ron Mexico,
to pick up his order of medication for herpes.

I'll never forget the sight of people walking around Atlanta with number 7 Falcon jerseys
with the name, "Mexico"on the back. Classic. How did Vick come up with the name, Ron

If I could steal ten names for one day, here are the ones I'd pick:

10. BUSTER CRABBE. Former Olympic gold medalist
      in swimming, who was also an actor. Played the original
      Flash Gordon.
  9. DINN MANN. Editor-in-Chief and brains of
      Great guy with a name that has perfect balance. Four letters
      and two n's in each name.

  8. I.M. HIPP. Played running back at Nebraska when they
      were dominant. He was also big on the local bar scene,
      telling the ladies, "I.M. HIPP". He was also money.

  7. FRENCHY FUQUA. Former defensive back on the great
      Steelers teams in the '70's. He was so cool, he used to
      wear clear elevator shoes with live goldfish in them.


  6.  JOHN "BLUE MOON" ODOM.  Former pitcher
       with the Oakland A's in 70's.

  5.  WAVE RYDER. Defensive back for Navy. His
       parents must have been surfers in Cali, dropping
       some serious acid to come up with this name. Or
       have the stones to, anyway.

  4.  BRONCO NAGURSKI. This names oooozes with
       toughness. What else would he be besides a hall
       of fame football player.

  3.  COCO CRISP.  Well, it'd be great at parties and
       for a good laugh.

  2.  JARVIS REDWINE. He came after I.M. Hipp
       at Nebraska and also played running back.

  1.  FABIAN ASSMAN. Soccer player in Europe and
       burden with two bad names that somehow come
       together. "Hi, I'm Fabian Assman". Excuse me?
       You're Mr. Assman?


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