Wednesday, February 6, 2013


10.  SAMMY SOSA Remember when Sosa got in front of Congress and was asked about
       using steroids. "I speak no English. I no understand the question. Ask McGwire."
       Well, the part about asking Big Mac wasn't true, but the rest of it is. Classic, Sammy.

  9.  MANNY RAMIREZ  After getting busted in 2009 for high-levels of testosterone,
       Ramirez claimed his doctor "unknowlingly" prescribed him a female fertility drug. I
       hate when my primary care provider does that to me.

  8.  RYAN BRAUN He's turning into the Lance Armstrong of baseball. Lie, lie, lie,
       or just blame it on somebody else. In 2011, his drug test showed extremely high
       levels of testosterone. The former National League MVP blamed it on the FED EX
       man who didn't get it to the lab on time, saying the chain of command was broken.
       Now, the Milwaukee Brewers star says, yeah, he visited the clinic in Miami, but it
       was just to get intel for his appeal back in 2011. Oprah? Oprah? I think you're needed.

   7. ANDY PETTITTE The Yankees pitcher's name showed up in the Mitchell Report and
       he was, at one time, the best friend and workout partner of Roger Clemens. He said
       he received HGH injections just twice to heal his elbow faster, which, by the way, is
       cheating, no matter how you slice it. Pettitte said he felt, "obligated to return to the
       team faster." Zzzzzzzzz.....yeah, right.

   6. BARRY BONDS. The steroid-fueled home run king admitted that he took something
       that Victor Conte, the mad scientist who also pumped up Jeremy Giambi and a cast
       of thousands who came to the BALCO labs for his magic potion. Bonds said he
       "unknowingly" rubbed some cream into his skin, which knowingly made his head
        grow to the size of a pony keg.

   5. PAUL BYRD. Former pitcher who played for the Indians and Mets was outed
       in the Mitchell report for using HGH. Byrd said it was prescribed by a doctor for
       a pituitary tumor. Byrd couldn't name the doctor, nor locate his pituitary gland.

   4. GREGG ZAUN Former major league catcher who also showed up in the Mitchell
       Report was tagged by Kirk Radomski, supplier to the stars, who said he personally
       injected Zaun. When asked about a check he wrote to Radomski, Zaun said it was
       probably used to cover a gambling bet. Good one, Greg.


  3.  GUILLERMO MOTA After flunking a second test, the veteran pitcher was facing
       a 100-game suspension. I guess Mota felt he had to be really creative. He blamed it
       on his child's cough medicine, which he said contain a banned substance. Really?
       Nice try. The 100-game suspension stood.

   2. RAFAEL PALMEIRO Remember when Palmeiro wagged his finger in front of
       Congress and said, "I have never used steroids, period." Right, and the head of
       Barry Bonds grew like a chia pet because he was drinking protein shakes. Palmeiro
       eventually flunked a steroid test then threw teammate Miquel Tejada under the bus
       Palmeiro claimed that B-12 Tejada injected him with, must have been tainted. Wow.

   1. MELKY CABRERA. After getting busted last year, Cabrera had an associate
       create a fake web site that advertised supplements. Cabrera said he bought those
       supplements off the site and they just happened to contain a banned substance.
       Until Roniah Tuiasosopo came along, Cabrera had the most warped imagination
       the sports world had ever seen.

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