Thursday, July 28, 2011


There's nothing like a reunion to shatter your ego and blow your
salad and egg whites diet. On Monday, I played golf and emceed
the New Canaan High School Football Alumni outing at the
beautiful Woodway Country Club in Darien, CT.

I hadn't seen many of my former teammates in more than 25 years,
and while a lot of time has passed, that never puts an end to the
jocularity that comes with playing with your classmates for
four years. The jokes always fly and nothing, and I mean nothing
is of limits.

I had gained forty pounds since last June, and while I thought my
6'3" frame had carried it well, my former teammates thought the only
thing I had been carrying were donuts, Big Mac's, and about two
gallons of Baskin-Robbins ice cream. Do you think they were going
to waste an opportunity to abuse me and my weight? Definitely not.

I heard some softballs, like "Wow, you really filled out!" to "Are you
wearing a XXL or XXXL now?"  XXXL?!!!  Really. I summoned an
old teammate to watch me pound my drive on the final hole and he
replied, "with a belly like that, you should hit it 300 yards." Best
joke of the day: "Did you eat John Daly for breakfast?" Wow,
my chest deflated, my ego was crushed, and I could do nothing but
try to suck in my gut for the rest of the night.

The rest of the night included shrimp cocktails, an open bar, and
3,500 calorie desserts. That was all before we closed down "Uncle
Joe's", a bar and pizza joint in Norwalk. Yep, had to break that Slim-fast
diet for another day. Is there anything worse for your fat cells than
pizza and beer and a lot of it?

I woke up the next morning feeling like Albert Haynesworth ran me
over while I was standing still and eating a Krispy Kreme donut. Not
good. I paid the price. I felt better after 90-minutes of cardio at the
gym, but bottom line, I'm still a fat tub-of-goo. I think I'm Chris Farley's
illegitimate kid. Maybe I should throw down some Hydroxycut to
go along with my workouts.

I ramped up my workout on Wednesday, going for a 56-mile bike ride.
It only took me four hours. In my triathlon next month, that's exactly how
far the bike ride is. Trouble is, there is a 1.2 mile swim before it and a
13.1 mile run after it. Oh, well. I don't think there is a time limit on it.

By the way, I'm down to 242 lbs. Who said muscles weighs more than
fat? I seriously doubt that. Til next time.

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