Monday, July 11, 2016
NEW CANAAN'S "MEAN" STREETS FOR BODY CAMERAS
The world is crumbling all around us. Cops are caught on tape killing people, people
seeking revenge are ambushing cops and killing them, the FBI lets Hillary off
the hook for her e-mails, and Donald Trump, who could be the next leader of our
country, is offending everybody with a pulse.
Yes, things have gotten pretty bad in the good 'ole U.S. of A.
They've gotten so bad that even in New Canaan, CT., a near-perfect town along the
state's gold coast and affectionately known as "the next station to heaven," there is unrest
You see, in this picturesque town that Norman Rockwell would've loved to have
painted, things are simmering. The streets which are often lined with BMW's, Mercedes,
Range Rovers, and Suburban's big enough to fit the Brady Bunch in comfortably,
have become a bit, um, mean.
No, not mean in the Bronx, Mount Vernon, and Bridgeport kind of way, But rather,
mean in the preppy, Vineyard Vines, my house in Nantucket is bigger than your house
in Nantucket, kind of style.
And oh, yeah, mean as in, "if you dare to put a friggin' ticket on my freshly-detailed
Bentley, I'm going to sue your ass to kingdom come" type of way. Residents, most of
whom are in higher tax brackets than 95 percent of professional athletes in this world,
are putting the fear of God (and their greatness) into parking officers over tickets.
Yep, parking tickets!
Might be time to call in the national guard to help handle this monumental issue.
Instead, the town has sought a kinder, gentler, way of trying to diffuse the preppy
madness. They have outfitted the parking officers with body cameras. No, you're eyes
are correct and you read that right. The parking officers are wearing $3,600 body
cameras to catch all those Wall Street CEO's imposing their rudeness on the parking
As Leslie Nielsen's character famously said in the movie, "Airplane":
Cops are killing people on camera, then getting murdered themselves and New Canaan
is worried about "volatile" debates over parking tickets? I have to laugh out loud.
This is just too funny. I'm half-expecting Larry David to show up in New Canaan to
film an episode on the subject for "Curb Your Enthusiasm." When will Keith Morrison
from Dateline NBC arrive on the scene for "Mayhem on Main Street: parking ticket
This is a town where Harry Connick, Jr., Paul Simon, and Brian Williams (yes, that
Brian Williams) call home. Nothing bad ever really happens here. Oh, yeah, Simon called
9-1-1 last year after his wife was allegedly abusing him in some mean kind of way.
They both got arrested.
I guess in this day and age, every town has to have a little controversy and the parking
ticket conudrum is it for New Canaan. But body cameras for parking officers?
You have got to be kidding me.
One media outlet reported that New Canaan is the first town in the state to outfit
parking officers with body cameras. Ya think? It wouldn't exactly be going out on
a limb stating New Canaan is the first town in the entire free world to purchase body
cameras for parking officials.
You just can't make this stuff up.