Saturday, January 9, 2016


You know that 12-year-old kid with absolutely no talent who makes a travel team
only because his parents dish out $2,500 and buy a 10-pack of hitting lessons to
a baseball facility? Yeah, he's got a much better chance of making it to the major
leagues than you do of winning the $800 million lottery.

You know that street you need to cross to get to the other side? There's a much better
chance of you getting mowed down by a car than having all the balls come up in
your favor during Saturday night's drawing of the biggest jackpot in American history.

You know that ocean you're going to go swimming in during your vacation to
the Bahamas? Yeah, there's a great white shark in it who is hungry and wants to
eat.  You have a much better chance of getting devoured by it than you do of
winning $800 million.

Yep, the chances of winning the pot of gold and changing your life forever is about
one in 300 million. But, yes, we all still believe there is a chance that we will be the
one to overcome the tremendous odds to be the one in 300 million.

However, if there is one time to blow $2 for a ticket, this is the time. I mean, if you're
of age in New York City, you probably tip the bartender $2 for the $20 margarita he
just poured you. So, its really no big deal and the payout could be huge.

All the network are making a huge deal of this, of course. They have brought in
lottery "experts" to tell the believe-everything-we-hear world we live in there
are actually ways to give yourself a better chance to win the jackpot.

They say to forget about picking birthdays. Ok, check. They tell us the most big jackpots
have been won in Pennsylvania. Check. I'm loading up the car right now for a nice
trip to the Keystone State. They say 75 percent of the winners are of the computer-
generated, quick-pick variety. Ok, cool

I'm not using birthdays and I'm going to Pennsylvania where I'm going to say,
"One quick-pick, please."

Man, with those suggestions I'm starting to feel like it's my lucky day!

It wasn't a lucky day, month, or even year for this gentlemen I saw in the stationary
store on Wednesday when I was buying my ticket. He must've had 250 tickets from
past lotteries and as he ran them through the scanner to see if he had won so much
as a dollar, the exasperated look on his face morphed into one that said, "He's going
to go postal on somebody."

Few people ever win anything on these lotteries. It's really just for suckers who
keep forking over dollar after dollar to win millions. Oh, well, it's their money,
not mine.

I realize I have a better chance of wining "Dancing With the Stars" than winning
tonight's lottery, but what the hell, as the sucker saying goes, "Ya gotta be in it
to win it", I'm dropping down $2 to win $800 million

Yes, there is a chance.

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