Monday, August 10, 2015
THINGS TAKING LESS TIME TO COMPLETE THAN DEFLATEGATE SCANDAL
Back in mid-Janaury, Chris Mortenson of ESPN ignited a blaze that morphed into
a wildfire the NFL hasn't been able to contain and its god damn August already. The "insider"
of the self-proclaimed World Wide Leader of Sports tweeted out 11 of 12 footballs used by
the New England Patriots in the AFC Championship. Mortenson was wrong, of course, but
at ESPN these days, the facts never should get in the way of a good story. (See Bernie Fine)
Since that day in the first month of 2015, that wildfire turned into an inferno as NFL
commissioner Roger Goodell just kept making bad decision after bad decision, which
incidentally came on bad decision after bad decision in trying to handle the Ray Rice,
Adrian Peterson, and Greg Hardy domestic/child abuse cases.
The commissioner, who somehow gets $44 million-a-year to botch every controversy
that arises in the NFL and turn it into a PR nightmare for the league, could've nipped the
ridiculous Deflategate 'scandal' in the bud if he simply followed the rules and fined the
Patriots $25,000 for tampering with the footballs and got on with it. But no, Goodell made
a fiasco of it, and with just over a month to go until the new season kicks off, we're still
talking about Deflategate and a resolution hasn't even been reached yet. It's been more
than six friggin' months! Are you kidding me?
Here are the Top 10 things that seemingly took less time to complete than the Deflategate
10. Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie had seven children with five different women and
remembered all of their names.Talk about a former all-pro pro-creating!
9. China built the Great Wall, which is more than 3,300 miles long. They started in 700 B.C.
and finished in 202 B.C., but I'm sure it felt a whole lot quicker to build than it did for the
time it took Ted Wells to come up with a report stating Tom Brady was "generally aware"
of something going on with his balls.
8. The Filming of "Godfather I, II, and III."
7. Mike Tyson, Allen Iverson, and Vince Young blew through their combined fortune
of close to $750 million.
6. A former Olympic champion made the transition from a man to a woman and called
5. Moses wrote the Ten Commandments.
4. Jared lost 300 pounds, gained famed and fortune as the Subway guy, then lost his
job after paying to have sex with a 16-year-old girl. Eat fresh.
3. Oprah went from heavy to thin to real heavy again.
2. Danica Patrick won a NASCAR race. Oh, wait a minute, she still hasn't won
anything. Never mind.
1. Pretty much everything else.