Thursday, August 13, 2015

10 THINGS I'D RATHER DO THAN HEAR ABOUT DEFLATEGATE


Deflategate.

Sick of it.

Seven months of PSI's, needles, Ted Wells, "the deflator", courtrooms, Tom Brady, Roger
Goodell, some attorney named Yee, who might be related to Y.A. Yang, and other really
stupid stuff like having to watch neophyte broadcasters who never played football or studied
science try to tell us how a deflated football affects the game.

The only good moment of Deflategate happened when Bill Belichick used a quote from the
movie,  "My Cousin Vinny" to tell the world about his deflated football acumen.

“I would not say that I am Mona Lisa Vito of the football world,” comparing it to Marisa
Tomei’s character from the film, whose vast auto expertise helped proved the innocence of
Bill Gambini and Stan Rothenstein in their trial for murder.


The Hoodie breaking out his movie knowledge in Deflategate. Classic.

Everything else has been ridiculous and in many cases, just plain mind boggling. Worst of
all, we've had to hear about it for seven incredible months! Yes, seven!

Can we please move on to something else, please!?!? There has to,be more to life than
Deflategate, right?

Here are the Top 10 things I'd rather do or have done to me than to see, hear, or read
anything about the most ridiculous 'scandal' in sports history.

10. Get punched in the face by IK Enemkpali. Yeah, I know it'd be painful, but at least it'd
be over quickly, not like Deflategate which has held the sports world hostage for far too long.


9.  Watch an episode of "I am Cait." I was in the mood to see a train wreck after the
presidential debate on Fox so I caught a minute and three seconds of Caitlyn Jenner's new
show. Wow. I had to take two showers just to feel like I got all the grime off of me from
putting eye balls on this show. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Ugh, disgusting. Unfortunately,
I'd chose it over the pure stupidity of the deflated balls thing.

8. Have Rex Ryan remove my toe nails with a pliers. Yes, it'd be torture, but I can rest
knowing that a bona-fide foot/toe expert is doing the job. It can't be worse that having to
hear about Deflategate, Deflategate, Deflategate over the last seven months.


7. Be given the name of this guy.


Ok, maybe not. That would be bad. Real bad.

6. Go out to eat with Joey Chestnut. Yeah, it'd be a little disgusting, a little embarrassing,
and a little stupid, but at least I wouldn't have to hear about PSI, a damaged cell phone,
and the excuse a grown man was called 'the deflator' was because he was losing weight.
Now, that was a good one!



5. Purchase a new sketching set. The renderings or whatever you want to call them of
Tom Brady sitting in the court room Wednesday added a new twist of incompetence to
this on-going saga about his deflated balls. What the hell was that guy smoking? The
sketches by the "artist" weren't even close to depicting the Patriots' QB.

                                                                                (Courtesy Bryan Brennan)


Good, Lord, and that guy actually got paid for showing that off to the public?
B-I-G F-A-I-L! I'm going to spend a lot of time with my new sketching set to make
some extra money on the side so I get purchase a "Free Brady" t-shirt. Are those
T-shirts stupid or what? Oh, but I'm sure they're making some MassHole rich in
New England.
4. Get in a car with Jets defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson. What can be better
than going for a ride with such a professional driver, you know the same driver who took
a 12-year old kid for a little spin where he reached the speed of 143-MPH.  Throw in a


few accessories like a loaded pistol and some marijuana and you have all the makings of
a ride that will have every one of your organs splattered all over the streets.

3. Listen to Stephen A. Smith. Can't stand the screamer from ESPN, but then again, I
detest Deflategate. Edge goes to the blowhard from Bristol.

2. Watch the Red Sox. Yeah, the Red Sox suck, have no heart, and are boring as hell,
but if it means negating everything Deflategate, I'll suffer through nine-innings of
uninspired baseball. How are Theo and the Cubs doing by the way?


1. Allow Ronda Rousey to put me in an arm-bar. Yes, it's painful, but nothing compared
to the never-ending saga of Deflategate.


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