Monday, June 15, 2015

YOU TAKE SELFIES? THEN YOU HAVE PROBLEMS!



BREAKING NEWS:

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has officially confirmed what many
people thought all along: taking ‘selfies’ is a mental disorder.

A mental disorder? Holy Cow! What does this mean exactly? Is our country more screwed
up than we originally thought? Will we look at that woman in the car taking a selfie
and wonder if she will be the next one to go postal in a mall?  I mean, seriously, she has a
MENTAL DISORDER!


Should we call the mental ward and get those men dressed in white to put that guy taking
a selfie in the mirror into a straight jacket?  Good, grief, if taking selfies is a mental disorder
than Kim Kardashian must be line for a frontal lobotomy!

Are we ever going to be able to trust all those news anchors who can't enough of themselves
and take selfies and post them on Twitter every single day. After all, don't they have
mental disorders', too?



According the APA, the disorder is called selfitis, and is defined as the obsessive compulsive
desire to take photos of one’s self and post them on social media. Good, Lord, then the 200
million people on Facebook must have some serious problems running around inside the
gray matter which occupies a six-inch space in the cranium.


The associations says that selfies are "a way to make up or the lack of self-esteem and to fill
a gap in intimacy." A lack of self-esteem in our country? That can't be right. (Wink, wink)
OK, I'm not Einstein, but what's with the "gap in intimacy"? Is that considered to be
intimacy with oneself?

Please, somebody help us!

Can this mental disorder be fixed with therapy, happy meds, or even electric shock therapy?
Will pharmaceutical companies warn us to stop taking their meds if we experience rapid
heart beat, sweating, nausea, diarrhea, fainting spells, loss of breath, and anything else that
lasts up to four hours?

Are we going to start labeling people as psychos because they can't go five minutes without
taking a picture of themselves at the gym and posting it on Facebook to see how many
'likes', or the one thing they crave far more than a spectacular intimate relationship?

Oh, the insanity of it all!

According to the APA, there are three levels of the disorder. Three levels! OMG, this
selfie disorder is serious! This might call for Dr. Phil to give the country some more
great advice. (Dr. Oz wasn't available because he's too busy trying to convince his
former colleagues that he's not the fraud they say he is.)

The following are the three levels of the selfie "mental disorder".
  • Borderline selfitis : taking photos of one’s self at least three times a day but not
  • posting them on social media. (They usually get posted later by a scorned girlfriend.)

  • Acute selfitis: taking photos of one’s self at least three times a day and posting
  • each of the photos on social media. (79 percent of the users of Facebook)


  • Chronic selfitis: Uncontrollable urge to take photos of one’s self  round the clock
  • and posting the photos on social media more than six times a day (61 percent of Facebook)


    Forget about those escaped inmates on the run, racial tensions boiling over with cops
    and the public, and that Caitlyn Jenner guy/girl thing. This mental disorder is serious
    stuff. Will there be a hotline for Americans to help deal with it. Will this selfie disorder
    be covered under Obama care?

    What is a country inflicted with selfitis to do?

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