Tuesday, May 19, 2015


I am Deflate-gate, the most ridiculous scandal in NFL history.

I am Deflate-gate and I really got started because Tom Brady told the Baltimore Ravens
they should study the rule book and figure it out. What do they say about payback again?

I am Deflate-gate but really just Bill Buckner in disguise. I am torturing New England
sports fans all over again and come to think of it, I'm really enjoying it.

I am Deflate-gate and so powerful, I got Bill Belichick to use a "My Cousin Vinny" reference.
Most people can't even get him to smile and I made everybody think he has a sliver of
personality. Damn, I'm good.

I am Deflate-gate and I've given everyone outside of New England another reason to
hate Bill Belichick, Tom Brady, and the Patriots even more.

I am Deflate-gate and I brought you Jim McNally, known as the "bird and "the deflator",
but only when he's trying to lose weight (wink, wink).

I am Deflate-gate and I became so famous, "Saturday Night Live" opened its show with me.

I am Deflate-gate and I made America obsess over a little air being taken out of
something they call pigskin. Stupid. It's easy to see how you all helped turn the
Kardashians into a household name. And you think Bruce Jenner is weird? No, you are.

I am Deflate-gate and I brought you the most hilarious exchange of texting since
Tiger Woods was acting like a teenager and sending obscene messages to his slew
of porn stars.

I am Deflate-gate and I still don't think Roger Goodell has any idea of what he's doing.

I am Deflate-gate and please don't hate all that much on Tom Brady. Sure, he has money,
fame, four Super Bowl rings and a super model for a wife. But I made sure he's not really
perfect. After all, who is?

I am Deflate-gate and you can be sure Romo, Rothlisberger, Rivers, and the Manning
boys will play by all the rules when it comes to rubbing up their favorite balls from
now on.

I am Deflate-gate. Robert Kraft finally waved the white flag and wants to move on.
So do I. I'm even sick of hearing about myself, but man, did I have a good time messing
with the best team in the NFL. Go Pats!

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