Friday, January 30, 2015


Commissioner Roger Goodell makes his annual state of the NFL address Friday afternoon.
After botching the Ray Rice scandal and staying silent on the DeflateGate, Goodell's talk
should be must see TV.

Here are the things Goodell will probably say in response to questions from reporters.

Reporter: Can you admit that you and the NFL severely botched the Ray Rice case?
Goodell:  I'm not hear to talk about the past.

Reporter:  You make $44 million a year. What exactly do to earn that money?
Goodell:   I'm all about the action, Boss.

Reporter:  Your VP of officials has admitted the referee did not log the PSI of every football?
Goodell:    I've hired Robert Mueller, a man of great integrity to look into that.


Reporter:  Have you had your balls checked lately?
Goodell:   Yes, I hired a committee to look into that and they are currently 4 pounds under              
                  the PSI required for a commissioner. They recommended Cialis, a sponsor that
                  pays our league $30 million a year.

Reporter:  The NFL couldn't find the Ray Rice tape and you said you didn't see it until it
                  was shown by TMZ. Yet, the NFL finds a tape of a locker room attendant going
                  into the bathroom with a bag of balls. Can you explain that?
Goodell     Yes, I didn't see that tape either. Was it 12 or 24 balls?

Reporter:   Why does the NFL fine Marshawn Lynch for not talking when the NFL
                   didn't send anyone out to talk about DeflateGate?
Goodell:     Y'all know why I'm here.

Reporter:    Why were you at Robert Kraft's house the night before the AFC  Championship
                   game. Isn't that a conflict of interest?
Goodell:     We're moving on to Seattle. Ooops, I mean to the Super Bowl.

Reporter:     Are you going to give Kraft the apology he's demanded for DeflateGate?
Goodell:      Next question.

Reporter:     Do you have any idea what you are doing?
Goodell:      I hear nothing, I see nothing. Next question.

Reporter:    Mr. Commissioner, you haven't addressed anything or answered any questions?
Goodell:     I'm only here because I didn't want to get fined.

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