Tuesday, January 20, 2015


Whoa! Less than two weeks before the Super Bowl, the NFL clearly has a problem with
its balls.

Marshawn Lynch is grabbing his, the Patriots are deflating theirs, and Roger Goodell is still
trying to find a set after it was discovered he didn't have one during his handling of the Ray
Rice scandal. The only thing missing from this made-for-social media drama is the ole ball
coach, Steve Spurrier.

In the famous words of Vince Lombardi, "What the hell is going on out there?"

The Indianapolis Colts, who got annihilated by the Patriots in the AFC Championship,
started screaming about their opponents balls almost as soon as the butt-whoppin' was over.
They claimed New England was using deflated balls, which is highly-questionable.

If that was truly the case, then LaGarrette Blount would have been able to easily jam the
balls down the throat of the ponies defense instead of running it that way for 148 yards
on 30 carries.

Curiously, the referees handled the Patriots' balls after every single play to re-set the action
and didn't do find anything wrong with them. Shouldn't they know the difference between
deflated balls and regulation ones?

Perhaps, the NFL can set up a special ball commission with experts in the field, much
like they did with the domestic violence issue. They can call on 'SNL' legend Pete Schweddy
(Alec Baldwin) owner of "Season's Eatings" where they have special balls for every

The NFL can act immediately during the current investigation of the Patriots' balls and
bring in Schweddy for the examination, after all, he's an expert in all kind of balls.

Maybe the NFL's problem is as simple as "ball security". I mean, during the AFC
Championship game the NFL was using some fresh-faced, wet-behind-the-ears kid to
be the "ball boy".

The NFL is a six billion dollar-a-year industry and they're letting a kid handle the balls
in one of the biggest games of the year? Seriously?

The NFL needs a ball czar and head of ball security. Jerome Bettis would be a great choice,
I think he only dropped the ball once during his career, granted it was in an AFC
Championship game, but he really knew how to take care of the ball on the field.

When told the NFL will conduct an investigation on the Patriots deflated balls, Bill
Belichick simply said, "It is what it is, the balls are out of my hands."

Once the NFL determines what to do about the Patriots supposedly deflated balls, they'll
turn their attention to Marhawn Lynch's seemingly obsession with grabbing his. During
his earth-shattering, go ahead touchdown run against Green Bay, Seattle's mercurial running
back grabbed his crotch for the world to see. Lynch first broke out the move in December
against the Arizona Cardinals and was fined over $10,000.

The ball is clearly in the NFL's court now with Lynch and Seattle on their way to a
second consecutive Super Bowl. The Patriots are tying to win their first in 10 years.
This ball problem is the last thing the league wanted heading into the country's biggest
and most-watched game of the season.

However, I somehow see the NFL's marketing and PR machine turning all of this into
a pubic service announcement for testicular cancer, "Gentleman, we checked our balls,
now it's time to check yours." Yep, be sure to check yours regularly.

A strange year for the NFL, indeed.

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