Tuesday, January 27, 2015
DROPPING A BOMB ON 'DEFLATE-GATE'
The 'scandal' of Deflate-gate has been both surreal and downright silly. Using my
best Allen Iverson tone I'd say that "we're talking about deflated footballs. No, not a
great Super Bowl match-up, but deflated footballs. No, not the Seahawks Legion of
Boom against the Patriots offense, but balls that had a little air taken out of them."
Yes, the entire nation seems to be obsessed with deflated balls and the alleged cheating
by the Patriots over the last 10 days. The so-called experts have told us how rubbing
balls can deflate them (could be a first) in addition to the effect climate changes have
on PSI. PSI? Yes, that's right, football games can now be decided by PSI.
Nearly everyone from the science guy Bill Nye, to and a tear-filled Mark Brunell, a
former NFL quarterback who made so many bad investments with his millions that he
had to file Chapter 11, has an opinion on this case.
Everybody has talked about Deflate-gate except Roger Goodell, the NFL Commissioner
who gets paid $44 million to seemingly run away like Forest Gump and say nothing.
This case has gotten so comical its main characters were spoofed in the opening of "Saturday
Night Live" last week. That skit was given more thought than many of the so-called experts
and NFL "insiders" have given this case.
On Tuesday, Jay Glazer, an NFL "insider" for Fox Sports, broke the news the NFL
is looking at a locker room attendant (ball boy) at Gillette Stadium as 'a person of interest'
in the league's investigation. Glazer said the league even has video of the locker room
attendant in action! Yes, that's right. The NFL could never find the Ray Rice video but they
hunt down video of some kid with a bag of balls in just over a week. It's amazing what
people will find when they really want to.
The line: 'a person of interest' is just as laughable. Glazer makes it seem like that kid got
away with hawking six diamond bracelets from Tiffany's instead of taking a bag of balls
somewhere. What is next? Water boarding torture to get the kid to talk?
On Tuesday night, Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk one-upped Glazer by saying the video
shows the ball boy taking the bag of balls from the referees office into the bathroom and
he was in there a full 90 seconds! Oh, my, somebody went into the bathroom for 90 seconds!
The experts moved in swiftly with opinions. They said 90 seconds would probably be enough
time to stick a gauge in 11 footballs, let some air out, then check it again to see if it was at
10.5 PSI. Yeah, right, a NASCAR crew couldn't accomplish that in 90 seconds.
I can't wait to see ESPN bring in a medical expert from the Mayo Clinic to determine
what the kid was doing in the bathroom for 90 seconds.
Chris Berman: We are joined by Dr. Richard Stool, an expert in excrement releasing.
Dr. Stool, is there any chance this kid could've gone number 2 in 90 seconds or less?
Dr. Stool: Shirley, you can't be serious?
This entire case has gone in the dumper. Some locker room attendant (ball boy) who
probably makes $50 bucks a game is going to take the fall in this case. Perhaps, he was
told never to let the footballs leave his sight or possession so he brought them into
the bathroom because he just HAD to go. It happens, doesn't it?
Breaking news: Deflate-gate is ludicrous and absurd. I wish it could just be flushed
down the toilet.