Tuesday, September 23, 2014
BRUCE JENNER AND HIS NEXT WIFE
Not-so-breaking-news: Bruce Jenner has been kicked to the curb (finally) by Kris Jenner,
matriarch of the famous Kardashian Clan. After 20 years with the former Olympic champion,
Ma Kardashian said buh-bye to Bruce, filing for divorce.
Money won't be a problem for Jenner, he's said to be worth over $100 million. Finding
another suitable mate, well, that might just be a challenge for a man whose had a nip, a
tuck, and some pretty bad things done to his face over the years.. I'm not sure what happened
to Jenner after he won the gold medal in the Montreal Olympics game in 1976, but there's
no way a dude who became the "world's greatest athlete" should've ended up looking like
that and part of a diva reality show.
Now that he's single, here's list of candidates that could be the next Mrs. Bruce Jenner.
5. HOPE SOLO. Jenner could use a few ass whoopin's to toughen him up and there's
no better woman to provide it than Solo. The Olympic goalie is currently awaiting to go
on trial for going all Bruce Lee on her cousin and brother.
4. KATE GOSSELIN. Like Jenner, Gosselin's had some cosmetic work done over the
years. She's a reality queen and has a bunch of kid's so Jenner can make an easy transition
to the instant family after living with all those Kardashian's for many years. Drama queen.
Perfect for Jenner.
3. LOLO JONES. A match made in Olympic heaven, although Lolo never won a medal.
Not in track. Not in bobsledding. However, she takes gold for being able to attract attention
without ever having done anything. (Sounds a lot like Kim Kardashian). If this marriage
happens, I envision a big-time reality show on Oprah's network.
2. MELISSA McCARTHY. Not so far-fetched. Identity thief and a man who had his
identity stolen years ago.
1. THE CAT WOMAN. No explanation needed.