Thursday, April 24, 2014

MICHAEL PINEDA AND HIS TOP 10 EXCUSES FOR PINE TAR


When it comes to making up excuses, professional baseball players are in a league of their
own. Over the years they come up with excuses from the utterly ridiculous to the sublime.

Remember whena Rafael Palmeiro blamed a positive drug test on former teammate
Miguel Tejada for giving him a B-12 shot that was apparently tainted with high levels of
Winstrol?

After Sammy Sosa was busted for using a corked bat during a game, the former Cubs slugger
said he mistakenly took the one from the batting rack that he normally uses for batting
practice, into the game.

Ryan Braun pointed the finger at FedEx man, saying he was a bitter Cubs fan and
was out to get him, somehow making his urine sample that wasn't sent to the lab immediately,
filled with ridiculously high-levels of testosterone.


I don't think there's enough space on this page write down all the wild and wacky excuses steroid-
fueled and busted baseball players have used over the years. But I'm sure Michael Pineda of the
New York Yankees thought of a lot of them to use after getting busted for pine tar on his neck
in a game against the Red Sox on Wednesday.

Here are the Top 10 of them that probably went through his mind before speaking to reporters
and saying that he used the pine tar because he was afraid of unleashing a wild pitch and beaning
a hit.

10. That damn Barry Bonds! He gave me the cream instead of the clear.
   


  9. Big Papi spit in his hands, clapped them together, then rubbed it all over my neck when
      I saw him before the game.
   


  8.  I went to the Waffle House with Bubba Watson and he smeared Aunt Jemima's pine tar
       flavored syrup on me.
   


  7.  I rode Lance Armstrong's bike and must've gotten a little greased PED's on my neck.


  6.  My wife tested her new roll-on stick deodorant on my neck. Pine tar scent.

  5.  I was just using some stuff Jason Giambi left in his locker years ago.

  4.  I was channeling my inner Gaylord Perry.

  3.  Was just using some pine tar to cover up the hickey I got at Daisy Buchanan's last
       night by some Boston University co-ed.
   


  2. It was the first time I ever used the stuff.

  1. Blame it on A-Rod.

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