Friday, November 29, 2013

BLACK FRIDAY: THE DUMBEST PROMOTION EVER

 

There are some things that just scream dumb.  Giving Anthony Weiner a cell phone is one
of them. Introducing Tiger Woods to a stripper is another. But few things are dumber than the
promotion that is Black Friday.

That's right. National retail chains open their stores to bargain-obsessed customers who camp
out overnight to be the first people to lead the stampede when the green flag goes down just to
save 50 bucks on an item. How stupid.

Sleep-deprived, financially-strapped, debt-drowned people running through the aisles and
sprinting to the electronic sections just to get the latest time-sapping addictive device
that'll they ignore the world with just so they can tweet, text, or take one of 792,000 photos
with just for 20 percent off! How absurd.


Yep, trip that the guy in front of you who has the inside track to get that new camera you so
desperately don't need.  Put your size 12 Kenneth Cole shoe, which you saved $30 on last
Thanksgiving, right in the middle of his back so he stays down a little while longer.

Last night in Las Vegas, a man returning from a Black Friday sale was shot and robbed of
a new TV. Man, I bet he still thinks it's worth the $75 he saved.

In California,  three people got into a brawl in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart because shoppers allegedly were cutting the line. Two were taken into custody, according to police.

At another Wal-Mart in West Virginia, a man was slashed to the bone with a knife after
threatening another man with a gun. The altercation was over a parking spot.

Woo-hoo! Retailers should be making commercials with desperate people screaming:
"Black Friday! I love this day!"


What an embarrassment to this country. What's it going to take before Black Friday goes
dark for good? A mass murder by some crazed gunman looking to go out in a blaze of
glory. Don't think some Adam Lanza loser-type isn't already thinking about it.

Black Friday is just idiotic. People cut into their Thanksgiving plans with their family,
a sacred day for many, just to prepare and camp out all night to save $50 bucks.

I'm not a smart man, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. Black Friday is
an epic disaster waiting to happen. The retailers know a potential lawsuit is one gunshot
away.

 
But to them, just like the idiots who wait outside stores all night, it's all about the
money.

It always is.


3 comments:

  1. How true. About time something worth reading then the endless" Doorbuster" sales pitches this time of year. I stayed in , didnt even go out on friday. It gets worse every year..

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.

    ReplyDelete