Friday, September 13, 2013

WEIGHT LOSS GROUP ACCUSES DEVLIN OF CHEATING

 
Weight-Trimmers, an on-line group specializing in extreme weight loss, has accused Paul
Devlin of cheating on his recent weight loss mission. Devlin lost 29 pounds over a seven month
period by abstaining from booze, bread, butter, baked goods and anything from Baskin Robbins.
The startling accusations come on the heels of a marathon swimming organization that cried
foul on Diana Nyad's record-breaking swim from Cuba to Florida.

"I saw Devlin throwing down an Oreo Blizzard from Dairy Queen," said Augustus Gloop,
a senior member of Weight-Trimmers. "I realized he worked there at one time, but he didn't
follow proper protocol and went off the guidelines that he personally set."

  
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who recently had lap-band surgery and dropped 50
pounds because of it, held a press conference to denounce Devlin's claim that he's given up
pizza since February 10. "I have an exclusive photo that clearly shows Devlin devouring
a slice of pizza. It's a clearly a Sicilian slice of pizza. I know my pizza and that is a Sicilian
slice of pizza!"
 
Asked how he obtained the photo, Christie stated, "I have friends in the pizza business. A
lot of friends in the pizza business. I take care of them, they take care of me. There's no denying
it, Devlin was eating a slice of friggin' pizza. Damn, that looks good, I think I'll have an entire
pie for lunch."
 
According to GPS coordinates obtained by TMZ that tracked every move during Devlin's
weight-loss program, there were spikes in activity late at night, which seemed to
become more furious in an area where there were a cluster of McDonald's franchises.
Vince Wilfork, an independent GPS specialists stated the facts were indisputable.
"Look at the number of franchise there. From 10 p.m. to 5 a.m., Devlin was clearly
frequenting those McDonald's franchises."
 
 
Devlin responded, "I was simply filling out job applications there. There was nothing sinister
going on. I haven't eaten McDonald's since proposing to my fiancé, who became my ex-fiancé
some 13 years ago. I wanted to make some extra cash in my free time. That's it, that's all."
 
Devlin is expected to hold a conference via Skype with the Weight Trimmers group on Sunday
night at 10 p.m. He is expected to reveal his weight-loss program from soup-to-nuts, and possibly
a few bagels. "This was squeaky-clean. I did everything by the book. It's unfortunate, that just
like happened with Diana Nyad, people are trying to take the joy out of my moment."

 

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