Saturday, September 7, 2013


Tom Brady, the squeaky-clean quarterback of the New England Patriots, became the latest
in a cast of thousands to offer advice to Johnny Manziel, the renegade QB of Texas A & M.

Brady was asked about Johnny Football on CNBC's "Squawk Box" and had some interesting
things to say when it came to the Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback, including respecting
others in the game.

"So when you look across the ball you have respect for those guys, and you treat them with respect because football’s a physical game," said the future Hall of Fame quarterback, who was "fonted"

That's right, Johnny Football got hammered for making the "show me the money" gesture
against Rice and got flagged for taunting an opposing player. Brady would never do that
because he's mature and would just walk away from opponents who tried to mess with him.
Mr. Wonderful did just that last year, playing against the Baltimore Ravens. Remember when
he turned the  other cheek when that mean guy Ray Lewis was chirping at him? I don't, but
that must be the "power of Brady."

Brady advised Johnny to treat other players "with respect because football’s a physical game,"
That's right, Johnny, if Ed Reed is trying to take your head off in the open field, make sure
to treat him with respect by castrating him with a size 12 cleat to the groin. Get your leg up
as high as possible to protect yourself. There's nothing illegal about that, is there? That's what
you call, in the words of Arethra Franklin, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect for other players. Must
be the power of Brady.

Brady also got deep and philosophical during his interview with CNBC, one in which
Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, who we found out, goes by a different name with the franchise

 "And as RKK would say, if you’re a turd, it’s going to come back to you." Brady said.

That's right, Johnny, Tom says don't be a 'turd'. If you are, something really, really bad
might happen to you. Interesting, a 'turd' is what a lot of people outside of the hero-worshippers
in New England were calling Brady after he left his pregnant girlfriend, Bridget Monyhan,
for supermodel Gisele. Oh, but he got a pass because with the fans because he's Tom Brady,
of course. It the power of Brady.

Brady might have gone unscathed with the public, but being a 'turd' came back to him
with the Karma god's. In the first game of the 2006 season, Brady got torpedoed by
Bernard Pollard of the Kansas City Chiefs and tore his ACL, finishing him for the season.

Johnny, one of your biggest sins is not being born with the Hollywood good-looks of Brady,
then you'd get a pass on a lot of things, like being a fool in Brazil. Remember that? In the
homeland of Gisele, Brady was captured with that Mark Sanchez-like head band in his hair,
dancing like a white man. If that was you Johnny, it would've been tweeted to the world and
you would've been called immature and a punk.

Or, if you were as wholesome and as good-looking as Brady, you could get away with checking
out a female trainer on the sideline and making a devilish gesture to one of your teammates. If
that was you Johnny, Lou Holtz and Mark Maye of ESPN would've called you 'distracted,
classless, and not paying attention to the game.' But with Brady and everybody else, it was just
funny. But Tom is right, Johnny, you have to respect the game.

And remember, Johnny Football, you are a public figure. Everything you do and say is
open for criticism and judgment. I realize you're only 20-years old, but you really should
be perfect and without flaws like Tom Brady. Take his advice and follow his lead. Stay
out of the limelight and out of public places because all those pictures people take, might

just end up on Twitter for the entire world to see. You don't want to be photographed in
a compromising position or have one circulated that people will have make fun of you,
because, after all, Tom Brady would never let that happen. Never. It's the power of Brady


  1. Ummm... none of this compares to "allegedly" signing autographs for money when you just won with Heisman and your whole career hangs in balance. Glad you like Brady so much that you had to write an entire article about him though.

    1. No shit. This dude has a brady shrine in his basement.