Monday, September 23, 2013
10 NAMES I'D SWIPE FOR A DAY (VOL. IV)
10. Cassanova McKinzy Auburn. Cassanova is a sophomore linebacker for the Tigers so I'm
pretty sure he can handle himself when it comes to a little ribbing from his teammates. The
Auburn Tigers media guide says Cassanova McKinzy is the son of Joann Brown and Charles
Drake. How they came up with their kid's name is beyond me. By the way, would you look
at the size of Cassanova' hand?
9. Jordin Tootoo. Detroit Red Wings. Originally drafted by the Nashville Predators, Tootoo,
no relation to Tattoo from "Fantasy Island", became a hit in Hockey Town after signing with
Detroit as an unrestricted free-agent for the 2011-2012. His twitter handle is "jtootoo22". That's
a bit too much.
8. Taco Charlton. Michigan. This name just rolls off the tongue and I'm sure that once he's
out of college, the Wolverines defensive back will sign a lucrative endorsement deal with Taco
Bell. That's just too easy. So is his twitter account of "TheSupremeTaco."
7. Jonny Steele. New York Red Bulls. Not quite as good as Johnny Football, but it's pretty
darn good, although, he should think about changing his name to Jonny Ink. He has so many
tattoos on his body that Aaron Hernandez is envious.
6. Teuvo Teravainen. Chicago Blackhawks. Is this a hockey name or what? The pride of
Finland is just 19-years and was the first-round pick of the Stanley Cup champs in 2012. Could
be bigger that Dit-KA in the Windy City.
5. Pharoah McKever. North Carolina State. 6'6" wide receiver for the Wolfpack. I'm sure
this name is big among the NASCAR and tractor-pull crowds in Raleigh.
4. Rasmus Ristolainen. Buffalo Sabres. Just 18-years old, the prodigy from Finland was drafted
eighth overall in the 2013 NHL Draft. Good friends with Tukka Rask, could be the same very
soon with Bruce Smith and Buffalo nation.
3. Spiffy Evans. Boston College. Junior wide receiver gets the slight nod over teammate
Win Homer. Doh!
2. Ha-Ha Clinton Dix. Alabama. I'm sure a lot when through the mind of Nick Saban when
he was recruiting Ha-Ha. "Um, maybe you can change and shorten your name to Clinton Dix.
Whaddya think? Could save you a lot of taunting." No, dice. Ha-Ha held firm and is a starter
on the Tide's defense.
1. Silverberry Mouhon. Cincinnati. Silverberry, no relation to blueberry, strawberry, or
dingleberry is a stud D-lineman for the Bearcats. Gets big points for originality with some