Friday, August 23, 2013



A press release.

Ryan Braun apologized for all his lying, cheating, and other forms of despicable
before through a carefully crafted press release. He didn't want to face the music,
see the smirks, or feel the embarrassment caused by his shame. Oh, how so pathetically

A year ago, Braun was cleared for a failed drug test on a technicality. He responded to
the world not through a press release, but rather a press conference. Braun stood up in
front of the world and defiantly, triumphantly, and arrogantly told everybody he had
been wronged badly and proceeded to point the finger at others, including a man whose
livelihood and reputation he destroyed. There were hugs and high-fives with teammates
and a look into every camera that said, "I told you so."

Braun's press release told us a lot about his character, even more than we already knew.
He has none. Zero. Zippo. Zilch. The suspended outfielder of the Milwaukee Brewers
has somehow managed to make Lance Armstrong look like a decent human being and
that's saying something.

Give credit to Armstrong, though. At least he had a speck of courage to go on television
with Oprah to let us see how supposedly sorry he was. We got to see him squirm
and slither and lie even more, but at least he didn't hide behind a press release. A press
release, Ryan? Really?

Braun is now the most unlikable athlete on the planet. Lebron James? He's the Pope
compared to Ryan Braun. Tiger Woods? He's Jack Nicklaus compared to lyin' Ryan.
He is now more radioactive than uranium, less trustworthy than Anthony Weiner, and
less respected than Pee Wee Herman. Hello, Dr. Phil, can you help me?

In his press conference of 2011, Braun said he would "never put any substance in his
body" and that he was a man of integrity, character, and a person who honored and
respected the game of baseball.

He also pointed the finger at a FedEx man who was the reason for his failed drug test.
That man, Dino Laurenzi, Jr., lost his job. However, even though he's made about $90
million dollars less than Braun in his career, Laurenzi is much, much richer than the
disgraced former MVP ever will be.

Braun has nothing. No character, no integrity, and certainly, no respect. According to
Buster Olney of ESPN, Braun went to teammates and colleagues around baseball after
he was cleared by MLB for his failed drug test. He made up stories that Laurenzi was
a Cubs fan and an anti-Semite (Braun is Jewish) who was out to get him. Really? That's
the best you can come up with?

A-Rod was drilled once for his behavior, it will be open season on Braun when he returns,
that's for sure.

Braun claimed the extent of his PED was a throat lozenge and an unspecified cream that
he rubbed on himself. Where does the guy come up with this stuff? I'm sure in the next
few weeks, Braun will file a lawsuit against Hall's saying the over-the-counter lozenges
he bought to help soothe a sore throat, were tainted with high-levels of testosterone.

He'll probably say that Barry Bonds turned him onto the cream to help relieve the aches
and pains that came with all that heavy lifting. He claimed both the lozenge and the cream
were used to help recover from an injury. Geez, Ryan, we haven't heard that one before?
You could've gotten creative and blamed Miguel Tejada for injecting you with a tainted
B-12 shot as Rafael Palmeiro did.

Braun will hide behind the press release for the last 50 games of his suspension and the
entire off-season. I'm sure that will give him plenty of time to go to acting school to figure
out what he's going to say in front of the first camera he meets during spring training next
February. Perhaps, he'll perfect the crocodile tears that will drop at just the right moment,
hoping to gain sympathy from a forgiving nation. Maybe he'll nail the quivering lip to
show us the pain that has destroyed his world. And yes, there will be some people that
will fall for his act and grant him forgiveness.

Unfortunately, for Braun, there is no institution, talk show host, or sweat lodge
in the desert than can help him get back all the respect, character, and integrity that he's

Ryan, you should've learned from Lance, Tiger, and A-Rod: The liars an cheaters
of the world always get found out. Always.

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