Wednesday, May 15, 2013
TIGER WOODS AND THE BIG MESS IN THE KITTY LITTER
Only in this social media-driven and "gotcha" journalism world, can a situation involving
Tiger Woods become more chaotic than the Benghazi cover-up. Three days after Woods
captured The Players Championship, that little spat between El Tigre and Sergio Garcia is
growing faster than a Chia pet under a sprinkler. What a joke. The only thing missing from
this spectacle is a grassy knoll and the Zapruder film.
You've all heard a 1,000 times by now how Garcia cried like a child after he sprayed a shot
to the right because he heard a little commotion surrounding Tiger from about 50 yards away
on Saturday. After all, Garcia, like Judge Smails in "Caddyshack" never slices. He's just too
good to do that.
Woods said he got clearance to pull his club from a marshal and thought it was OK to proceed
with his shot. After the round, Garcia complained some more, Tiger told him to get his facts
straight, and then went on to win the tournament with a little help from the Spaniard, who dunked
two balls in the water on 17. Oh, yeah, and before he left, Garcia said he was the "victim" in
the entire episode. And that was waaaay too funny.
But the controversy didn't die there. On Tuesday, a pair of marshals said they didn't give
Tiger the green light and he never talked to them. So, of course, Tiger became the biggest liar
since Lance Armstrong. Everybody questioned his integrity again. This little dust-up in the
PGA's sandbox is downright comical. Who said what, when, how, and for what reason has
become more important than Tiger winning the tournament and Garcia choking on his chalupa.
Garcia didn't hit a bad shot because of the roar he heard before hitting the ball. He hit a bad
shot because he often does when the temperature gets turned up a little in big tournaments.
Garcia didn't hit that green in two in any of the four rounds and wants to point the finger at
Tiger at that time? Amazing. Sergio, what caused you to hit not one, but two balls in the water
on 17 when you were tied with Tiger for the lead? Was his red shirt too bright? Did the sight
of Lindsey Vonn make your heart skip a beat and take a big chunk of earth out of the ground?
I mean, come on. Man up, grow a spine, and get some choking repellant. Somehow, I get the
feeling that Sergio is going to carry around this thing until the U.S. Open. Yep, he's the "victim".
Tiger screwed him up. I didn't choke, it was all Tiger's fault.
This docudrama got better on Wednesday when another marshal, Brian Nedrich, came foreward
and said he was the one who told Tiger he could go ahead and hit. So Tiger wasn't lying. How
many marshals do they have on one hole in golf, anyway? I get the feeling 10 more are going to
come forward in the next few days to say Tiger put Deer Antler spray on his balls. Good, lord.
Does everybody want to get on "Sportscenter" or "Hollywood Access" this badly?
This entire situation is insane! Perhaps, Nedrich is covering for Tiger like Danny did for Judge Smails when he tossed his club into the dining area and KO'd a woman. "It was my fault, Judge Smails, I forgot to wipe off the grips. I should've known they were slippery."
It is just amazing that every little situation, especially the ones involving Tiger have to be analyzed,
dissected, and analyzed again. It's paralysis by analysis.
The bottom line is, Tiger won, Sergio complained, choked, then complained some more. Nobody
cheated and there's no proof that Tiger lied. Who's to say those marshals aren't stretching the truth?
Get over it, kids. It's time to move on to something bigger and more important, like the department
of justice stealing the phone records of journalists. Now that's some juicy stuff.