Wednesday, April 3, 2013


There are some things that continue to baffle me. I mean, why do we drive on parkways
and park in driveways? Why does anybody want to "beat around the bush" or "hold their
horses?" I've never seen anybody hold one horse, much less two or three of them. A Johnson
yes, but a horse? Never. And what the hell does the saying, "It is what it is" mean, exactly?

And for the life of me, I can't figure out why people take pictures of their food and post them
on Facebook. What the heck is this all about? Maybe I'm behind the times and past my prime,
but is it considered cool to post a picture of your cheeseburger and fries for the entire world to
see? I mean, I think by now, nearly everyone knows what an artery-clogging, 2,000 calorie
filled bun and beef patty look like, don't you think?

Now, if you're a chef or love to cook, I understand that you're proud of your creations. It's no
different than the news anchor in Atlanta who documents every five seconds of her life by
taking and posting the pictures for everyone to see. OK, so maybe it is. Just had to throw that
out there. Insert smiley face here.

I actually enjoy the hard work and creativity, but when it's whipped up by someone else, what's
the point, seriously? A plate of fruit served up by the Four Seasons? No thanks. Come on,
everybody has seen that at least three trillion times before.  Oh, and that half filled coffee cup
is always a good one and certainly gets my blood pumping. Woo-hoo!

The other thing that kills me, are the folks who take pictures of their plates of dinner while they're
out at a restaurant with a group of people. Can't you just keep the god darn camera in the purse
for ten friggin' minutes? Did you ever do that before Facebook was born? Why do you have to
stand-up in front of company to get an aerial shot of  your slab of salmon with broccoli on the
side? I think that would be more than a little rude to your  friends sitting with you at the table, especially when they hear you say, "Wow, this is going to be a great post to my Facebook page! Awesome! OK, carry on."

I get the feeling that people don't order what they really like from the menu, but rather, the
meal that might just make the most compelling photograph for Facebook. And that caption
that says, "Yum" is just a little bit too much for me to take. Are people that addicted to
seeing that little red icon indicating there is a message about your food or even better,
a "like" on your post to confirm that, yes, your meal was flat-out awesome and you were
proud of the choice you made.
As an intrepid reporter, I really felt I needed to do my homework and see what this Facebook
phenomenon was all about. I wanted to try to get inside the mind of all these users on the goliath
of social media networks. I needed to know if it was actually a life-changing experience to take
a picture of my food and then post it on Facebook. I had to know if it really produced a feeling
like the octagenerians had in "On Golden Pond" when  they jumped into the pool and they
were rejuvenated. No, wait a minute, that was "Cocoon." Sorry, my bad.
Well, anyway, I brought my cell phone camera to a pizza place and order a slice of cheese
pizza. I then strategically placed it on the center of my table. I had to make sure the lighting
was just right, so the Facebook world could appreciate my true artistry and the creation of
Joe behind the counter.  And this is what I produced. Ah, yes, a thing of beauty.
Just look at this sizzling' slice of pizza in all her glory. I bet I will get 17 "likes" by my
friends by the end of the day because after all, few have ever seen a slice of pizza like this
one here. This is one is truly special, don't you think? Maybe I'll even get a few "LOL" or
perhaps, even a smiley face. How awesome would that be?
But you know what? I felt absolutely nothing but embarrassment for taking a picture of
my piece of pizza with a cell phone. The workers behind the counter were looking at me
like my hair was on fire like Phil Spector's. To be honest, that's how I felt. Do you ever
feel that way when you take pictures of your god dang food?
The people at Facebook should have one rule and one rule only. You only get once chance
to post a picture of your food on Facebook. That's it, that's all. Forget about all the privacy
mumbo jumbo, just keep the pages clear of your cheeseburger, fries and that little pickle on
the side of the plate. That would be nice. Real nice.
Food is meant to be eaten and enjoyed. Not photographed and posted on Facebook. Please
stop doing it. I'm Paul Devlin and I approved of this message.

No comments:

Post a Comment