Thursday, January 24, 2013

THE MANTI TE'O MOVIE: WHO PLAYS WHO?


It's only a matter of time before the Manti Te'o scandal turns into a made-for-tv
movie. Question is, who plays who in this bizarre story? Below are the key players
in the story and the actors our movie critics believe would be good bets to be their
characters on the screen.

On January 13, Timothy Burke of Deadspin.com broke the story that has shocked
the shocked the nation. The bespectacled writer is still in college finishing up his
PH.D. and has a one giant scoop he can put on his resume. John Anderson, an
anchor at ESPN is our choice to play Burke in the movie. Anderson wears his
glasses well and is sharp and witty, requirements needed to play Burke.

TIMOTHY BURKE
JOHN ANDERSON

As soon as the story showed on Deadspin about the star linebacker's girlfriend who died
despite never really existing, all hell broke loose. Inquiring minds showed up on the
sacred grounds of Notre Dame and demanded to know what the heck was going on. 

Athletic Director Jack Swarbick was the front man for the Fighting Irish and he 
got emotional when talking about what a great kid Te'o was and how the All-American 
linebacker had absolutely no part in creating or carrying out the hoax. Craig T. Nelson, 
who had a vast amount of experience as an administrator, not to mention as a football 
coach, would be the perfect candidate to play Swarbick


NOTRE DAME A.D JACK SWARBICK
CRAIG T. NELSON













Ronaiah Tuiasosopo is the mastermind of this incredible hoax. He befriended Te'o and created
the girl, Lennay Kekua, who never really existed. He produced the story about her being in
a bad car accident and then losing her life to leukemia. It turns out, Tuiasosopo was the voice
whom Te'o spent nearly 500 hours over a four month period talking to.

He deserves an Academy award for best acting and director of best picture. Colin Kaepernick
of the San Francisco 49ers bears a strong resemblance to Tuiasosopo and would be believable
in the role. Kaepernick has been blessed with talent and could turn in an award-winning
performance in portraying Tui.

RONIAH TUIASOSOPO
COLIN KAEPERNICK










Tuisosopo chose Diane O'Meara to be the face of the hoax and the girl Te'o thought
he was falling in love with. Tuisasopo poached her picture of Facebook and used it
to fool Te'o. O'Meara made the rounds on all the morning programs, including the "Today"
show to explain how she was just an innocent victim in all of this. Veteran actress
Salma Hayek could excel in the role of Teo's dead girlfriend that didn't really exist.

DIANE O'MEARA
SALMA HAYEK













The father of Manti Te'o is a very, very large man. Brian Te'o actually makes Manti
look like a Pop Warner league middle linebacker. Mr. Te'o broke down in tears during
his interview with Katie Couric and defended his son by saying that Manti is not a
liar, but just a kid. Israel Ka'anoi "Brudda Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole, a native Hawaiian
and popular singer, could play Mr. Te'o to a T. He died in 1997, but who cares, especially
in a story that revolves a dead girlfriend who doesn't exist.

BRIAN TE'O


The heart and soul of the Notre Dame defense, Manti Te'o is at the center of this
mind-boggling story. A highly-respected person on campus, Te'o got way too deep
into a situation that he didn't know how to get out of. His story took Lance Armstrong
off the front-pages and made Te'o the butt of a lot of jokes. Te'o is expected to
be a top-10 pick in April's NFL Draft. Ray Maualuga, a linebacker for the Cincinnati
Bengals, is our choice to play the lead role in the movie. Both Te'o and Maualuga
play the same position and are relatively quiet, humble people.

MANTI TE'O
REY MAUALUGA











































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