Friday, April 27, 2012

ROGER GOODELL: NFL'S NEW HUGGY BEAR


What was up with Roger Goodell and all those hugs on Thursday night at the NFL draft? The
commissioner was wrapping his arms around the league's newest millionaires like they were
one of his kids coming home after spending the last 10 years in Afghanistan. It started to get
a little uncomfortable, actually. Seriously, commish, if there was a policy for violating the
three-second rule, you'd be sitting out next season with Sean Payton of the Saints.

I haven't seen hugging like that since Tommy LaSorda, the hall of fame manager of the Dodgers
used to squeeze the stuffing out of his players when they came back to the dugout after hitting
a home run. I thought Goodell was super agent Drew Rosenhaus in disguise, giving man-love to
the next client he was about to rape of his money.


Goodell got so caught up in the moment early on and was giving such long-lasting hugs, I
thin he caught himself saying, "Man, I have to hug, like 27 more guys. If I don't give them equal
time, some lame ass guys in the media like Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless are going to
be all over me. Crap."


I started thinking that Goodell, who turned into judge and jury when it came to the NFL's
conduct policy was whispering reminders to the game newest stars. I thought I heard the
ESPN mic's picking up the following mandates handed out by Goodell:

To RG3: "Dude, cut the dreadlocks and stay away from the bad sections of D.C."

To Trent Richardson: "Cleveland is not Alabama. They actually have people there who
can put a complete sentence together and sometimes brush their teeth. Watch out for the
guys who want you to invest in the Rubix Cube"

To Bruce Irvin, who has been in more trouble than Lindsay Lohan: "I'm going to be watching
you. My office is just around the corner. If you start acting up again, I'll make sure you know
how to find it."

To Morris Claibourne, first pick of the Dallas Cowboys who scored a 6 on his Wonderlic test:
"Stay away from Michael Irvin, Deion Sanders, and Nate Newton down there. They are trouble.
And there's only one b in trouble."


Goodell even did some kind of weird handshake with Mel Ingram who was drafted by the
San Diego Chargers. They slapped their hands about six times before engaging in the Goodell
Hug-for-life. Ingram admitted that he and the commissioner practiced it two times before doing
it for real.

That was a bad night for Roger Goodell. Good thing he won't be around for the next
phase of the draft. But one has to wonder what's next for the commissioner. Perhaps, he
might see Tim Tebow on Madison Avenue and start "Tebowing"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

DEREK JETER REVEALS HIS GREATNESS ONCE AGAIN.


 Can you we not see greatness anymore? Perhaps, in this Twitter, Facebook, iPad, and iPhone
world we are just too distracted to truly  appreciate it. Maybe we don't even care about because
we've seen the great ones like Tiger Woods and Brett Favre create such personal messes that it's overshadowed their personal achievements. And we all know that athlete who's been anointed
as the next best thing, is just a failed drug test away from being insignificant.

But why is it that when the greatness of Derek Jeter smacks us in the face, we don't see it?
DerekJeter has done everything right in a sports world where most athletes are on the bad side
of wrong. Scandal has never met him, a bad attitude has never arisen, and his first class has
never changed it's status. He is everything a great athlete should be. He is a person that nearly
every parent hopes their child emulates and morphs into.

One of the marks of true greatness and character is how you act and react when things have
gone bad. How does a person handle being criticized and doubted? Last year, the Yankees captain
got off to bad start and people not only dug his grave, but threw dirt on him, as well. Forget about
the five World Series rings and .313 career batting average,  Jeter was done, washed up, and ready
for the glue factory.  Yes, Jeter was overmatched early on and it appeared his bad speed had
vanished quicker than "Linsanity". But the last time I checked, the back of a player's baseball
card doesn't say, "He was hitting .218 on May 21." It's what you hit for the year.


Through all the negativity and criticism, Jeter didn't get frustrated, rattled, or throw a hissy fit.
Come to think of it, have you ever seen Jeter throw a helmet, break a bat, or shout profanities
in the dugout after striking out? Me neither, because it's never happened in his career. He just
kept working and grinding and didn't let doubt or the critics break his will or focus.  After Jeter secured his 3,000 hit on July 9, he hit .342 for the rest of the season to finish with a .297 batting average. A lot of players in baseball would love to have a "bad" year like that.

This year, when his birth certificate says he'll turn 38, Jeter has gotten off to a blazing hot
start. There are no calls from Vinny in the Bronx suggesting the Yankees to trade for Troy
Tulowitzki. Mike in  the car is not railing about the slow bat speed of Jeter. The "experts"
on the phone lines have gone radio silent. Jeter hasbeen all but silent. If would be easy for him
to say, "Who's washed up, now?" Or ignore all the reporters on the Yankees beat for starting to
write his obituary. But that's not Jeter. He's 100 percent class and has always had it figured out but
doesn't let everyone know that he does.


There is no one is sports like Derek Jeter. Tim Tebow, like the Yankees shortstop is a man of
great character, but he doesn't and never will, have Jeter's greatness athletically. He will never
win five championship rings or be a hall of famer. Lebron James? He makes all the right moves
on the court, but all the wrong ones off it. In a Metta Peace World of bad characters and even worse behavior, Jeter is all that is right. Appreciate true greatness. It might come in spurts, but nobody
will be able to sustain it on and off the field like Derek Jeter has, for a long, long, time.


Monday, April 23, 2012

TOP 5 CANDIDATES TO REPLACE BOBBY V.

5. LARRY LUCCHINO. Outside of Bobby Valentine, he's the smartest man in baseball, just
ask him. The team's president and resident hot-head helped push Theo Epstein out the door
so he could pull all the strings in the Red Sox kingdom. He sets the ticket prices, the rate cards
for NESN, and decides whether or not the concession stands use Grey Poupon or Gulden's
mustard for the hot dogs. (He chose Grey Poupon). Now, as the manager of the Red Sox, he gets
to make out the line-up card and take Jarrod Saltalamacchia out to dinner in the North End to
enjoy some great Italian food now that Bobby V is gone. Lucchino thinks of himself as a cross
between Tommy LaSorda and Tony LaRussa.


4. SARAH PALIN. It'll be a challenge to keep her from going rogue, but at least we
 know that if  Luchino rears his ugly head in her air space, she's capable of pulling out
 her Moose gun and shoot him down. We know she looks good in red and she can just
 use Terry Francona's old  glasses to help see herself in the mirror. Who cares if Palin
 doesn't know anything about Paul Revere's ride and the Revolution (Remember what
 she said about Revere?)

 "He warned the British that they weren't going be taking away our arms, by ringing those
  bells, and  making sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots
  and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free, and we were going
  to be  armed."  Yep, Revere was "ringing those bells", not exactly. I could foresee Palin
  having a problem or two with Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessey.


3. PETER GAMMONS. A perfect man to be the Red Sox interim manager. While everyone
in New England dislikes Bobby Valentine, everybody in the region LOVES Gammons. He is a
baseball historian, a true Red Sox fan and he knows everything about the game. Can't you just
see him on the NESN post-game show talking about Dustin Pedroia and his base stealing ability?
"He runs a lot like Pumpsie Green did back in the mid-1950's, but Petey has the savvy of Jerry
Remy and the speed of the Rooster, Rick Burleson." This would be a popular choice among
Red Sox nation.

2. STEPHEN KING. King is a native New Englander and a Red Sox fan through and through.
The guy hasn't missed a game in 30 years. Check that. He took an extended period of time to
write "CuJo" or was it "The Shining"? I forget. King has been working on the Red Sox horror
show this season, so it might take some big money to pry him away from what should be another
best-selling thriller. Can't you just picture Larry Lucchino busting through the door with an
ax and instead of saying, "Here's Johnny", he screams, "Where's Bobby?". Foreward by Linda
Pizzuti, trophy wife of Red Sox owner, John Henry.


1. BILL BELICHICK. This would be the biggest coup for the Red Sox since they snatched
Edgar Renteria away from the St. Louis Cardinals during free-agency and landed Matt Clement.
Belichick would be the perfect tonic for what ails the Red Sox. He's smarter than baseball
number-cruncher Bill James and he'd command serious respect from the players. Belichick
would be allowed to wear his hoodie on the bench, but he might have some problems wearing
a baseball hat. Has anybody ever seen BB in a baseball hat? I've seen the visor on his dome,
but he might have some trouble with the hat. He'd also get a restraining order for Lucchino
so it's all good.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A BIGGER BOAT...

Two fisherman in Mexico who were trying to catch anything but a shark, netted one that was
more than 20 feet and 2,000 pounds. That is both scary and ridiculous. They dragged the shark
almost two miles to shore and yes, they definitely could've used a bigger boat.


In honor of the two hombres who reeled in the big one, we present a few other people who
are going to need a bigger boat.

METTA WORLD PEACE.  The thug formerly known as Ron Artest, is going to need a bigger 
boat to ship all that money to the NBA offices after he learns what Commissioner David Stern thought of his vicious elbow that landed on the noggin' of Oklahoma City's James Harden, who
kind of looks like Kimbo Slice after he skipped a few cycles of HGH or whatever it is that he got from Jose Canseco.  That might be a touch foul on the mean streets of the Bronx, but in the NBA,
that pointed  elbow to Harden's cranium is going to cost Metta World Peace about 100G.



BOSTON RED SOX FANS. You're going to need a bigger boat to accommodate the number
of Red Sox fans who hate Bobby Valentine. You're probably going to have to make room for
the number of players in Boston who dislike V, too. We'll name Kevin Youkillis captain of the
vessel with Dustin Pedroia as the navigator.

PHIL HUMBER, "MR. PERFECTION".  Phil Humber is going to need a bigger boat to
handle all the people who will now come out of the woodwork asking for tickets, autographs,
money, and just about anything else they can try to mooch off the man who just pitched the
21st perfect game in Major League history.  He'll also need extra room for all the scouts who
just knew the journeyman of the Chicago White Sox was a capable of perfection.


VANCOUVER CANUCKS You're going to need a bigger boat to make room for all the
excuses they're going to use for getting knocked out by the Los Angeles Kings in the first round
of the playoffs. The Canucks had the best record in the NHL this season and they choked on the chalupa-- again. Hope the fans don't destroy their city like the idiots did last year. If anybody
cared about hockey in this country, this would make some headlines, but nobody does outside
of fans of the original six teams. If you're any kind of fan or care about hockey, you'll know
who the original six teams are.

Oh, effin no! Not again!














Wednesday, April 18, 2012

TERRY FRANCONA'S REVENGE


 Last week,  Terry Francona said he wanted no part of the Red Sox and their celebration of the
100th anniversary of Fenway Park. And nobody could really blame him because, after all,
ownership not only made him the scapegoat for the worst September collapse in baseball
history, but they also bad mouthed him and fed the Boston Globe with reports about his failed marriage and his use of painkillers.

But a few days ago, Francona, who led the Red Sox to a pair of World Series titles in his eight
years in Boston, had a change of heart. He said he "owed it to the fans" to attend the celebration, which is akin to players who retire and say they "want to spend more time with their family."
Funny how a lot of those players suddenly get tired of spending more time with the family
(Ryne Sandberg, Andy Petitte) and then unretire. Francona saying he "owes it to the fans" is
almost comical. What he's really saying is that he owes it to himself to show up and make
the owners of the Red Sox regret the mistake they made by pushing him out the door.


Let's face it, Francona sees this as his perfect revenge. All of Boston hates Bobby Valentine
after the Red Sox manager took a shot at Kevin Youkillis through the media, something
Francona never, ever did when he was in Boston. In fact, Francona protected his players and
didn't expose them. He fell on swords for malcontents and petulant players like Manny Ramirez. Francona covered their backsides and made sure he took the heat and not his players, something Valentine has never done because it's all about Bobby Me.

With the Red Sox sinking faster than the Titanic, which also went down 100 years ago,
Francona knows what kind of reception he's going to get when he's introduced on Friday.
The place is going to go nuts when the bald guy with the funny glasses comes walking out to
the first base line and waves to the crowd. The standing ovation will last longer than it takes
the Red Sox bullpen to implode. The Red Sox faithful will realize what they had, and what
they now have in Valentine.


Francona couldn't have scripted it any better. Valentine, whom Francona does not like, nor do
many other people, outside of Valentine's immediate family, for that matter, will be taking it
all in from the same dugout where Francona sat for the last eight years. The Red Sox owners
will  applaud with clenched smiles and thoughts of the giant blunder they made as they see
the hero worship the fans give Francona. Can't you just see Francona looking up to the
owner's luxury suite just as Roger Clemens did when he returned to Boston with the Blue Jays,
glaring up at former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette, who famously said the Rocket was "in the
twilight of his career" and didn't attempt to re-sign him.


The former Red Sox skipper will be embrace Dustin Pedroia, his favorite player and the
man who dissed Valentine and defended Youkillis, for everyone to see, including Valentine.
How great will that be? Only in Boston, definitely, it could only happen in Boston.

Francona is not coming back because he "owes it to the fans",  he's showing up because he
feels he owes it to the Red Sox brain trust to see first hand what a colossal mistake they
made in not only making him take the fall for the team's epic collapse last September, but
smearing his reputation in the process.


Friday's game against the Yankees won't be so much about celebrating the 100th anniversary
of Fenway Park as it will be the story of Francona's revenge. He's going to get the last laugh
and everybody in Boston except for John Henry, Tom Werner, Larry Lucchino and Bobby
Valentine, is going to love it.

ANTON DEITERS: A MAN WITHOUT LIMITATIONS


This will be the first and last time you'll probably ever read the name of Anton Deiters in a sentence. He's not on any list of Forbes nor is he a talentless wannabe actor on one of the million reality shows that poison and flood the airwaves. He's never signed a pro contract or picked up a medal for finishing first in an Olympic race. Anton Deiters is a 72-year old man who lives in Ridgefield, Connecticut that just happens to be my new hero.

On a sweltering day in Boston on last April, Deiters, who was born in Holland, finished the Boston
Marathon in just over 5.5 hours. That's not really a great time for an avid runner, but for someone who is 72-years old, it's pretty remarkable. More shocking and amazing, Deiters completed the
race less than eight months after flat-lining during a field hockey game in Scotland.

That's right. A 72-year old man was participating in a senior-senior game of field hockey. How
great is that? The guy is running around with a short stick chasing around a ball with players
who are 60 and older.

At halftime of the game, Deiters collapsed in the locker room. He suffered a heart attack and was
gone. No heart beat. Dead. The fat lady had sung. But the paramedics re-started his heart with a defibrillator and took him to the hospital where he was put in a medically induced coma. Deiters
recovered and walked out of the hospital but he wasn't about to quit living just because he had
almost died.

The former banker and lawyer slowly but surely got back to doing what he loves and that's running
marathons. He had done 25 of them in his career before the heart attack, competing in a lot of them
all over the world. In 2010, at the ripe old age of 69, Deiters ran the Zermatt Marathon in Switzerland, which was basically 26.2 miles UP a mountain. It took him 6:29 hours to finish,
which came just three days after he scaled Matterhorn, a significant mountain near the one he was going to try to run.

Deiters ran his first marathon in New York City in 1976 when the organizers reconfigured the
race to go through the five boroughs of the Big Apple. Deiters was hooked. He said he runs
"anywhere, anyplace, at anytime". He's like Forrest Gump in the movie, "Forrest Gump". Deiters
just keeps running and running until he decides he doesn't want to run anymore.

After suffering a heart attack at age 72, Deiters could've decided that enough was enough. I mean,
there comes a point when we to know when to say when, and put the running shoes away, right?
Not Deiters. He knew there was plenty left in the take and felt that life is meant to be lived. No
fear, no limits, no time to quit doing the thing he loves to do.


Deiters set a goal to run the Boston Marathon to prove that he could come back from his heart
attack and to show everyone that it would be he who decided when enough was enough. He ran
8-9 miles every other day and incorporated speed and hill work into his regime. Keep in mind
that he's 72-years old! 72!. Deiters, who was one of 11 children, warmed up for the Boston
Marathon by running in a half-marathon in his home state of Connecticut. No problem. He
finished in just over two hours.

When the Boston Marathon came around, forecasters predicted a brutally hot day for the
runners who would try to run 26.2 miles through the suburbs and streets of Boston. Officials
urged many people to come back next year, offering deferrals, which had been unheard of
in the country's oldest marathon. 3,000 entrants didn't even bother showing up. Running 26.2
miles is painful enough, trying to do it with temperatures hovering near 90 degrees is flirting
with disaster.

Deiters was unfazed. At 72-years old and coming off a heart attack, he didn't blink. He had
worked too hard and overcome too much to have a little heat prevent him from accomplishing
his goal. Deiters didn't win the race but he conquered the course and the inner demons that
often prevent many of us from fulfilling our true potential. He passed many runners who were
overcome by the oppressive temperatures and waved good-bye to all fear and doubt that may
have started to seep into his psyche.

Deiters completed the first marathon of his "second life" in 5:37:51 seconds. That's a very
respectable time for anyone, not to mention a man who is 72 and just coming off a heart attack.
He is living his life his way. There are no limitations or excuses in Deiters' life.

Anton Deiters is my new hero.



Friday, April 13, 2012

I WAS JUST WONDERING...


I was just wondering if Bobby Petrino was out of the country or perhaps on the moon when
the whole Tiger Woods scandal went down. A great life shattered by sex on the side. Is it ever
worth it? I think not.

I was just wondering if anyone would like to see a steel cage death match between Bobby
Valentine and Curt Schilling as much as me.

I was just wondering why Valentine is made out to be such a genius when, for all his given
baseball IQ, he's never won a division title or World Series in his 15 years of managing. Terry Francona won two World Series titles in his eight years in Boston and nobody even puts him
on the Dean's list.

I was wondering why the Indianapolis Colts needed to interview Robert Griffin III again.
Didn't they scout all his games, see his workouts, or get enough information from his previous interviews? Perhaps, they just wanted to make sure he could spell Wonderlic correctly. I'm
glad the Heisman Trophy winner said no to their request. Waste of time.

I was just wondering if any player big-time player has become as insignificant as Alex Rodriquez
has. The Yankees third baseman has been invisible.

I was just wondering why Ryan Howard needed to build a $23 million home. Unless, he has
12 kids by 11 different woman like Shawn Kemp, I just don't see the point. I would tell Howard
to see Antoine Walker, Allen Iverson, and Mike Tyson and talk to them about the perils of
excessive spending.

I was just wondering which professional athlete is going to go all Jim Everett on Skip Bayless
of ESPN. Remember when the former Rams QB attacked Jim Rome for calling him "Chris
Everett?" Jalen Rose called him and his 1.4 points per game average in JV basketball out the
other day. But I really think Bayless is going to the get the sledge hammer from some annoyed
athlete pretty soon.

I was just wondering where the heck is Carl Crawford. I know he's been injured but I think
the Red Sox are just hoping Crawford and his $140 million just disappears.

I was wondering how the vaunted Boston media not only missed the divorce of Red Sox GM
Ben Cherington and ESPN's Wendi Nix, but Cherington's marriage to his new girl. They are
slipping. Nice work by Big Ben, though. Maybe he borrowed Theo's gorilla suit to court his
new girl without anyone noticing.




Tuesday, April 10, 2012

GOOD-BYE, GRAFTON GARNES

 
When news came down on the UNC Baseball Facebook page that Grafton Garnes had
passed away, there was a collective gasp among all former Tar Heels who had the
opportunity to be around the longtime equipment manager. Garnes was a beautiful person,
the kind that you always remember long after you play in a North Carolina uniform.

We dealt with Garnes nearly every day for four years. He was the first man we saw when
we came in for practice or a game and the last one we saw when we left. Every player
would sack and pin their baseball undergarments in a fish net bag and send it down the
chute  where Garnes would collect and wash them. He'd always have our gear and
uniform cleaned every  single day and at UNC, it was almost 365 days a year, or at least
it seemed that way.

Garnes, who fought for our country in Vietnam, was cooler than the other side of the
pillow long before Stuart Scott, another Tar Heel, started screaming that phrase and
"Boo-Yeah" for ESPN. A tornado could blow through Boshamer Stadium and he
wouldn't be phased. Reggie Jackson and the New York Yankees once played a series
at UNC, and it wouldn't be surprising if you heard Garnes say, "Yeah, so what?"

Grafton Garnes didn't say a whole lot, but when he did, it was something thoughtful
and usually funny. UNC baseball during the 1980's was the Bronx Zoo South, a collection
of characters who were wild, funny, self-absorbed, and in some cases, just flat out crazy.
Garnes was often the most mature adult at the stadium, a man who didn't get caught up
in the ridiculousness that was often created by the leader of the program, Mike Roberts.

Every  day was like a reality show with a cast of talented stars whose personalities
were bold,  humorous, abrasive, and some that were unlike any that we ever experienced
before or after we left Carolina. But not Garnes. He was as steady as a cruise liner in
the ocean. He rarely went off course. Never too high, never too low. Oh, there were a
few times when "G-man" as the players liked to call him, let his guard down and let some
steam off, but that was certainly understandable when you had to work in that environment
day in, and day out.

As quiet and as invisible as he seemed to be, players may have thought Garnes didn't
hear what was being said, but he always was listening. Players may not have thought
Garnes was looking, but he always saw them. Always. Garnes was just so cool and so
unaffected by anything. He didn't care if you were the star of the program like
BJ Surhoff or the ball boy, he treated everyone the same.

There were times that I'd look at Garnes and say, "Can you imagine the things that
this guy has seen and heard in his years with Carolina baseball?" The man could've
written one helluva book. But that wasn't his style. He didn't spew gossip or talk behind
anyone's back. He didn't get caught up in the politics of the program, and if Coach
Roberts demanded something without showing him the proper respect, Garnes just
took it all and kept his trademark cool. But we all knew what he was thinking, "I could
break this little man in two and he wants to talk to me like that?"

Everybody loved Grafton Garnes, everybody. There wasn't one player who passed
through Boshamer Stadium who didn't admire and respect Garnes.  If you can find
anybody to say something bad about Garnes, they'd be the first. Grafton Garnes was
special, as much as part of UNC program as Surhoff, Walt Weiss, or Scott Bankhead.
I, like everyone else who put on a Tar Heel baseball uniform, will never forget Garnes.
Never. Rest in peace, G-man, you'll be missed.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

WHAT THEY SAID, WHAT THEY WERE THINKING



NO RE-LEAF FROM HIS ADDICTION
Ryan Leaf, the second pick in the 1998 NFL draft behind Peyton Manning and widely known
as the biggest bust in the history of the league, was busted last week for burglary and
drug possession. Leaf, the former San Diego Charger, allegedly stole painkillers from a friend. It
was the second time in less than four years that Leaf was arrested for thievery. In a statement after
his arrest Leaf explained himself.

What Ryan Leaf said:

"I've made some mistakes, and have no excuses," the statement read. "I am using the tools I've learned to move forward rather than backwards.

What Ryan Leaf was thinking:

"My life is a train wreck. Things have gotten so bad that Lindsay Lohan called and offered me advice. On the bright side, I have qualified to be a contestant on "Celebrity Rehab" and "The Apprentice". My agent is pitching a show to AMC called, "Re-Leaf from Drug Addiction."  Hopefully, it can run before "Mad Men"next season."



MAKING A RUN FOR THE BORDER
Erving Walker, basketball player at the University of Florida, was arrested on Friday for stealing a
$3 taco from a street vendor and trying to run for the border. After being apprehended by police
officials, Walker explained the situation:

What Erving Walker said:

"I was just playing around."

What Erving Walker was thinking:

"I had a serious case of the munchies but had no cash. After losing to Louisville in the
Elite 8, the Florida boosters cut off the gravy train. I won't get paid again until the summer
when the boosters hire me to turn on the automatic sprinkler system at the football stadium
for $1000 a week. By the way, I offered the vendor my swag from the NCAA tournament,
but he wanted a Gator jersey signed by Tebow. Hate Tebow. He's messing things for the
rest of us."



I HOPE A CHAMPIONSHIP IS NOT WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR
After losing to hated in-state rival and the program where he once coached, Louisville coach Rick
Pitino was gracious in defeat to the Kentucky Wildcats.

What Rick Pitino said:

"I'll certainly be rooting for them hard to bring the trophy back to Kentucky.They're a great group of guys, doing a tremendous job."

What Rick Pitino was thinking:

"I can't stand John Calipari and I'd rather have that woman (Karen Cypher) stalk and try
 to extort  me again, than seeing that snake oil salesman win a national title with the program
I, and I alone, rebuilt.



KARDASH FOR CASH
In an interview with Access Hollywood or one of those other entertainments shows, Kim Kardashian
was asked by the reporter: "What's the most difficult thing about being a Kardashain?"

What Kim Kardashian said:

"I think the most difficult thing is being misinterpreted about a lot of things."

What Kim Kardashian was thinking:

"That's one of the dumbest questions I've ever heard. I've made millions being a Kardashian
and  having no talent other than, well, you know what I'm talking about. Is this a great country
or what?"



WHO WE KIDDING? I OWE THIS JOB TO MYSELF
Bill Parcells and his fan club dropped rumors that he was being considered to replace Sean Payton, as
the Saints head coach sits out a season after being suspended for his role in the bounty scandal. Payton is
a loyalist and former assistant to Parcells in Dallas.

What Bill Parcells said:

"I owe it to the Saints to consider coaching the team for a year. I owe it to all the great
coaches like  Chuck Knoll who helped out young assistants in their pursuit of head coaching jobs."

What Parcells was thinking:

"I owe it to myself to get off the couch and quit eating donuts. I owe it to myself to have
a ready-made Super Bowl contender after I resurrected the Giants and Jets from the dead.
Who else are the Saints going to get, Rich Kotite?



ON REVIS ISLAND
DarrelleRevis, Jets All-Pro cornerback, was asked by ESPN in a word association game what he thought
of Bill Belichick.

What Darrelle Revis said:

"He's a jerk."

What Darrelle Revis was thinking:

"He a jerk, but the dude can seal the deal for a guy who has the personality of a gray hoodie."