Monday, December 10, 2012


All I want for Christmas is a pair of black hipster glasses. You know, the ones that don't
have any lenses. They must be cool if Jim Lampley, a 50-something boxing announcer
wears them and makes us all laugh. I'm really surprised Stuart Scott hasn't broken out
a pair, then he'd really be cooler than the other side of the pillow.

OK, so I lied. I want a few other things for Christmas.

I want the Los Angeles Dodgers to stop spending money like fools. $150 million for
Zack Greinke? Really? I'm sure they'll give Lenny Dykstra a $100 million contract
as soon as he gets out of prison in six months. Dear Magic Johnson, turn off the
gravy train until after Christmas. Drop a few million on toys for underprivileged kids
and meals for the homeless during the holidays. Spread a little cheer and goodwill.

I want somebody to come up with the video of the two caddies who had a serious brawl
before the first round the Australian Open last week. Grant Buchanan and Matt Kelly
exchanged blows near the putting green. The pair reportedly continued wrestling in
front of players and spectators. Too funny. All I can think of is the scene in "Happy
Gilmore" where Adam Sadler and Bob Barker are fighting and rolling around on the ground.

I want the NFL to be over and done with this bounty-scandal thing. We're tired of it.
You screwed up the replacement refs thing and now this bounty non-sense is dragging
on like Lindsay Lohan's legal problems.

I want to see Bobby Valentine get his own show on The Food Network
called,"That's a Wrap." It'll feature the 101 best ways to make a sandwich
wrap, which he "invented" many years ago.

I want Rick Reilly to get a lifetime ban from Twitter.

I want every coach in every sport to be like Jerry York of Boston College.
He's the all-time winningest coach in college hockey and is, by far, the
classiest man in the NCAA. He comes with no ego, no bravado, and no

I want the media to quit blaming concussions every time an NFL player
commits suicide or a violent act against society. Do your homework,
don't take the easy way out. Mike Flanagan and Hidecki Irabu, two prominent
baseball players, took their owns lives in the past few years. They didn't
suffer from concussions. They had real life problems, just as many of the
38, 734 people in the United States who committed suicide in 2010, did.

I want Danica Patrick to win something, anything, to justify all the attention
she gets. If she's first to the track, report it. If she wins a lap, post it on
Twitter. Just win something, baby.

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