Wednesday, November 28, 2012


Thanks to Twitter, Facebook, blogs, cellphone cameras, merciless fans, and
everything else that comes with the age of instant information, it's impossible for
an athlete to get away with anything, even if they're just a prospect working his
craft for a team you've never heard of.

If an athletes sneezes, burps, or farts, there will be some yahoo who posts in 
on some form of social media for the entire world to see. That's just the way it is.

That's the way it is for Riley Sheahan, a prospect of the Detroit Red Wings
playing for the Grand Rapid Griffins, one of their minor-league affiliates. He
was pulled over on October 29 and blew a .30. That's right, A-POINT-THREE-OH!
Oh, my, does it even seem possible to still be alive, let alone driving, after drinking
that much to record a .30?  In the state of Michigan, that's considered "super drunk."
Really? You think?

I'm not even sure that's the worst of it for Sheahan, though, because Americans
are a forgiving bunch. But when Sheahan was discovered by police not only
stone cold drunk, but wearing a TELETUBBY outfit, well, that's just something
that's going to be tough to recover from. According to the police report, the Teletubby
was purple, which according to my sources, is "Tinky Winky". So forget about
the .30 alcohol-level, Sheahan will be known throughout the rest of his career as
"Tinky Winky".

I'm sure his teammates have already replaced the name plate on his locker with
"Tinky Winky". Athletes are brutally tough, and there is no way they are going
to let a teammate off the hook after being caught by the cops wearing a purple
Teletubby outfit. You just can't make that up. No way!

I'm sure every time he steps on the ice, opposing fans will throw purple Teletubby
dolls onto the ice. If the Grand Rapids marketing teams was smart, they'd add
a Tinky Winky Teletubby night to the schedule. This promotion is a no-brainer.

I'm trying not to make light of serious situation because the 20-year old kid 
clearly has a problem with alcohol. But how do explain wearing a Teletubby 
outfit. A purple one. The one that "Tinky Winky" wears. Wow. 

I really hope Sheahan's skin is as tough as his liver. He's going to need it because
he's about to be mocked like he's never been before. Tinky Winky. I guess it could
be worse. He could've been caught wearing an Elmo outfit.

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