Sportsrip has obtained classified e-mails between Paula Broadwell and General Petraeus.
General Petraeus: How was your run?
Paula Broadwell: I crushed it. 10 miles. Just over 7 min/per. Should
be ready for Marine Corps Marathon next month. You doing it?
General Petraeus: No. Have meetings on cladenstine operations in
Middle East. Hunting terrorists. Ooops. Well it's not so clandestine
anymore more, is it. hehehe. Hey, you want to see this satellite pic
of my drone?
Paula Broadwell: LOL. Looks like Brett's lil' Favre. Cam Newtown
just sent me a pic of his. No wonder he thinks he's Superman. Good
Lord, that kid is blessed.
General Petraeus: Have you read '50 Shades of Gray?"
Paula Broadwell: Yes, twice. Why?
General Petraeus: My wife is reading it. She doesn't know that I
know she's reading it. She's been acting awfully strange lately and
I checked her Google history and she's been buying these weird toys
and giving me the eye like she wants to make some hay. hehehe.
Paula Broadwell: I'm sorry, but why did you marry your mother again?
LOL. She should be in a skit for "SNL".
General Petraeus: We better watch it, or we'll be part of an "SNL" skit,
too. hehehehe. Hey, is your husband at the hospital doing x-rays?
Paula Broadwell: Yes, he's examining Jerry Richardson's head. U
believe the Panthers owner turned down LA's offer to relocate there?
He'd get a billion for it. Charlotte doesn't care about football. Panthers
stink. This city only supports NASCAR, Sonny's Barbeque, and
General Petraeus: OMG. That's so funny. Hey, if I give you some
top secret info can you keep it to yourself?
Paula Broadwell: Yes, of course. You know me well enough by
now. wink, wink. I'm a West Point grad. I'm good
General Petraeus: We never killed Osama Bin Laden. We
made up that story and the people bought it hook, line, and sinker.
Paula Broadwell: SMH. Do you have to end every sentence with
hehehe? Such a child. Well, if OBL is not dead, where is he?
General Petraeus: He's pitching in the Mexican League. He's
closing for Bronco de Reynosa. 2.74 ERA. Good slider. Average
Paula Broadwell: No way. I thought he'd be a starter.
General Petraeus: Do they call you J-Kell, like A-Rod?
Paula Broadwell: What are talking about? Wait, you thinking you're talking
with Jill Kelley? You jerk. Stay away from her. She's a REAL HOUSEWIFE
wannabe. I'm going to go all Manny Pacqiou on her socialite a*@!
General Petraeus: Oooopsy.