Monday, June 11, 2012

THEATRE OF THE ABSURD

The sports world is filled with some interesting characters that always seem to provide a
silo filled with great material for bloggers, comedians, writers, and sports talk radio hosts. Sometimes it leaves us saying, "You just can't make this stuff up." Over the past weeks,
we've had a few of those moments.

Duane Ford, one of the judges who had blindfolds on when they scored the Manny Pacquiao-
Timothy Bradley boxing match last Saturday night, defended his decision to declare Bradley
the winner of the fight by saying, "I thought Bradley gave Pacquiao and lesson." A lesson? In
what, how to take a punch? CompuScore said that Pacquiao landed 248 punches to Bradley's
159 and everybody who was at the fight, including Stevie Wonder, said that Pacquio won
the fight unanimously, no questions asked. How could Ford and the other judges get it so
wrong? Because it's the corrupt sport of boxing that's why.


Brooklyn Nets guard DeShawn Stevenson revealed that he has an ATM machine located
in the kitchen of his home. He keeps $20,000 in the machine and charges friends withdrawal
fees of $4.50. Well, unlike Mike Tyson, at least Stevenson is letting his "posse" mooch off
him without paying some kind of price. Stevenson did two things by telling the world about
his ATM machine. One, he let every thug and thief know where they can find cold, hard cash,
and two, he took the first step in blowing his fortune quicker than Antoine Walker.


Patriots owner Bob Kraft, whose wife died last July, showed up at a Celtics-Heat game
last week with his new girlfriend, a 32-year old beauty named Ricki Noel Lander. She's
a part-time actress, he's 71-years old and this is totally absurd. Oh, right, she's madly in
love with his height. She could just be trying to pull the end-around and nuzzle up to Tom
Brady when Gisele is not looking. Or she could just be trying to advance her career, you
tell me.


Did you happen to catch Stephen A. Smith-wannabe Michael Collins on ESPN.com lately?
First of all, I'm surprised the World Wide Leader lets this guy anywhere near a camera. He's
got the biggest boiler in sports since Rex Ryan's lap band surgery. The other day, Collins appears
on camera, talking about golf, with a Philadelphia Phillies shirt on. Michael, are you working
for ESPN or the Phillies? Are you cheerleading or reporting. Reporters don't do that in market
200.

We can all sleep better knowing that Terrell Owens is making life changes to help get a return
ticket to the NFL. Owens fired his longtime agent Drew Rosenhaus (next question) and hired
a new one. Boy, that's going to get T.O. back in the league! T.O. should think about firing
his tired act, you know the one that wears out its welcome quicker than an overbearing mother-
in-law. In case you missed it, T.O. got released from some indoor football team you've never
heard of after he didn't show up for charity functions and some practice. Practice, the team was
talking bout practice and he didn't think he need it. The organization offered T.O. a $50
severance package and evicted him from the apartment they let him use and took back the
car they lent him. This could end up in court, so you better getcha popcorn ready.



T.O.'s former reality show buddy, Chad Ochocinco landed on his feet after getting pink-slipped
by the New England Patriots. Ochocinco never gained the trust of Bill Belichick or Tom Brady
because he was more interested in tweeting than studying the playbook. Ochocinco was so
disoriented and confused by the Patriots complex offense that he was writing notes on his
palm to help him figure out which way to go, signed a 1-year deal with the Miami Dolphins.
The Dolphins are going to be on HBO's "Hard Knocks" this summer and probably needed
at least one player NFL fans and viewers would be familiar. Seriously, can you name five
games on the Dolphins? Name the coach. You get 100 guesses. I think HBO made a call to
to the Dolphins and suggested they sign Ochocinco to make the series somewhat watchable.

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