Wednesday, March 21, 2012
TOP 10 REASONS JETS WANT TIM TEBOW
10. With back-up QB and Bible thumper Mark Brunnell gone, the Jets needed someone to
handle team chapel on Sundays. They requested the Pope, but he's too busy trying to figure
how to tweet from the Vactican and Jesus Christ is booked for the next 10 years with Albert
9. Wanted Tebow to preach to Antonio Cromartie the power of abstinence, or at least explain
to the Jets defensive back, who has nine children by four different women, what it means.
8. Needed someone for the scout team who could assimilate Patriots tight end Rob Gronkonski.
Tebow's got the size, speed, and strength down, not sure he can dance like the "Gronk",
especially after Super Bowl losses.
7. Woody Johnson was jealous the Giants owners have "The girl with the dragon tattoo", so
they traded for "the boy who gets tattooed for wearing his faith on his sleeve."
6. Knowing that Tebow can walk on water, they want to acquire him to see if he can make
all those corpses buried in the Meadowlands rise from the dead, thus taking the stink that
permeates New Jersey, with them.
5. Needed someone to restrain Rex Ryan from using bad language and doing all those weird
things he does with his wife's feet.
4. Realizing that Bill Belichick has a man-crush on Tebow, they want to acquire the former
Heisman Trophy winner just to piss the Hoodie off.
3. Rex Ryan's wife demanded the Jets trade for Tebow because she wants someone else rubbing
her feet besides Rex or some strange dudes on the Internet.
2. Jets owner got caught up in "Linsanity" like a 7th-grader or half the New York-Metro area
population, and wanted his own phenomenon and merchandise god.
1. Want to see Mark Sanchez suffer a nervous breakdown so they don't have to cut him, pay
him millions of dollars, or watch him throw interceptions any longer. And the bounty on
him didn't work.