Thursday, February 9, 2012


BREAKING NEWS. Chad Ochocinco wants the world to know that he's changing his name
back to Chad Johnson. Whew, I can return to watching "Jersey Shore" in peace now. Yes,
the Patriots little used, tweets a lot, wide receiver is making it known to the world that he is
going back to his Johnson. Apparently, he doesn't want his fiance to have to be known as
Evelyn Ochocinco after they get married this summer. Really, Chad, after catching a
whopping 15 passes for the Patriots this season do you really think she wanted anything to
do with the name Ochocinco?

Here are some of the names Chad should have considered changing his name to:

Chad OchoNEVERplays
Chad IDontKnowThePlaybook
Chad TedyBruschiHatesMyAss
Chad BelichickIsAboutToCutMe
Chad UnemploymentLine

I distinctly remember after Belichick acquired Ochocinco and Albert Haynesworth before
training camp, people were saying the Patriots were a lock to go to the Super Bowl. How
ironic is it that the Patriots didn't need either one of them to get there?

Sometimes I wonder if Ochocinco was the illegitimate kid of Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd. Oil
Can was a very entertaining pitcher for the Boston Red Sox. He won a whopping 78 games
in his 10-year career. After being left off the all-star team one year, the Can went postal.
Red Sox GM Lou Gorman suggested that Oil Can get some psychological help. A few
years later, after Wade Boggs admitted he was a sex addict, Oil Can famously said, "Now,
who needs pyschological help?" Oil Can was a loose cannon. He did some strange things
on and off the field. Many people wondered if he was on something.

Apparently, he was.The former Red Sox pitcher admitted that he was on cocaine and usually stayed up all night before games in which he was going to start.

"Some of the best games that I've ever, ever pitched in the major leagues, I stayed up all 
night. I'd say two-thirds of them," he said Wednesday. "And if I had went to bed, I would 
have won 150 ballgames in the time span that I played and ... I felt like my career was cut 
short for a lot of reasons."
Let's see. Would one of them being pitching when you're all coked up and acting like a
lunatic? Oh, yes. Be sure to by Oil Can's autobiography when it hits book stores on June 
1st. Or you can just wait until June 3rd and you can get it on ebay for a dime.

It's time for me to go to bed now.

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