Tuesday, January 3, 2012

TOP 10 PREDICTIONS FOR 2012


 10. Red Sox players revolt against Bobby Valentine in spring
      training. They duct tape his mouth shut and throw him in
      a trash can. Team president Larry Lucchino pleads with team
      to give him another shot. Josh Beckett says, "OK" and punches
      Bobby V in the gut. Red Sox win 98 games and World Series
      with Valentine in the dugout.


 9.  Tim Tebow signs endorsement deal with God, Fellowship of
      Christian Athletes, and ChristianSingles.com where he meets
      and gets engaged to Olympic skier Lindsay Vonn.

 8.  During the final round of the Masters, Tiger Woods and Adam
      Scott wage epic battle on the back nine. On the last hole,
      Woods has 4-foot putt to win the green jacket. Stevie Williams,
      Tiger's former caddie, now on Scott's bag, can be seen and
      heard whispering, "Noonan....Nooooooon-an". Tiger makes
      putt then pile-drives Williams into green, making biggest
      divot in the history of the Masters.


7.  After beating LSU in the national championship game,
       Alabama coach Nick Saban is courted by Rams, Bucs,
       Jags, and Colts for their openings. In a 2-hour, made for
       TV spectacle on ESPN called, "The Decision II", Saban
       places four hats, one for each NFL team made him an
       offer, in front of him. Saban then places the hat of the Colts
       on his head and says he's looking forward to working
       with Andrew Luck. Three days after his decision, Saban
       has second thoughts  and turns his back on the Colts.
       Alabama welcomes Saban  back and gives him another
       statute, this one placed at the  entrance of the school.
       Colts name Peyton Manning head coach.


   6. Manny Ramirez, two days after being reinstated by MLB,
       fails a drug test for Ritalin, marijuana, and steroids. Ramirez
       says he had dinner with David Ortiz the night before the
       test and claims that Big Papi tainted his meat.


  5.  Rex Ryan, following in the footsteps of Charles Barkley,
       signs on with Weight Watchers. The Jets head coach makes
       a prediction that by training camp, he'll lose more weight
       than Barkley and Jennifer Hudson combined. Ryan comes
       up short, losing a total of nine pounds.

   4. Kris Jenner divorces Bruce and marries former son-in-law,
       Kris Humphries. Humphries, averaging a double-double at
       the time,  quits during the middle of the season, saying he
       wants to spend more time with Kim Kardashian's mom.
       Kim gets extremely jealous and rips mother in tabloids.
       Ryan Seacrest, who produced the Kardashian wedding,
       promotes a steel-cage death match between Kim and her
       mom on pay-per-view. The match beats the Merriweather-
       Ortiz record for buys and Kardashian and her mom take
       home $25 million each. The fight is claimed a draw, setting
       up a rematch.

  3.  Chad Ochocinco tweets to his more than 3 million followers
       that he will be the Super Bowl MVP before the playoffs
       start. Patriots coach Bill Belichick doesn't dress Ochocinco
       for the teams first two playoff games. But during the Patriots
       run to the Super Bowl, the team loses Wes Welker and
       Aaron Hernandez to injuries. The Hoodie has no choice but
       to activate Ochocinco. Ochocinco catches eight passes for
       158 yards and takes MVP honors as the Patriots beat the
       Saints on Super Sunday. Ochocinco tweets after the game,
       "It was all part of the plan. Belichick is a genius. Meet me
        at Disney World tomorrow. I'm grand marshal of parade."


  2.  Erin Andrews of ESPN claims that Lee Corso tweeted
       her a picture of himself with an Oregon Duck mascot
       head on and nothing else. ESPN fires Andrews



  1.  Albert Pujols wins Triple Crown, MVP, World Series,
       and Roberto Clemente award but claims God said that
       his work is done with the Angels and wants to be traded
       to the Pirates.

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