Saturday, December 31, 2011

WEIGHT WATCHERS. I'M FAT. PAY ME TO LOSE THE CHUB


Is it me or are a lot of celebrities getting paid to lose their chub? If I
had a dollar for every time I've seen a commercial of Jennifer Hudson,
the incredible shrinking woman, I wouldn't have to use  food stamps
to pay for my extra value meals at McDonald's. Hudson was on
her way to becoming Re-Run's sister, but with the help of Weight
Watchers, she is sleek, sexy, and half of her former self.


Charles Barkley, the round mound of rebound, has gotten into
the fat-burning act, signing a deal with Weight Watchers, too. Terry
Bradshaw, the hall of fame quarterback and Fox analyst hooked
up with Nutrisytem, joining their stable that includes Dan Marino
and Don Shula. Lawrence Taylor was part of the losing weight
line-up, but he lost his endorsement deal after he "didn't card" that
prostitute he paid for and she turned out to be younger than Justin
Bieber.


Getting paid to lose weight. Now, that's a great gig. And if you're
Barkley or Bradshaw, you can count on Nutrisystem or Weight
Watchers to put you in a black outfit (slimming effect), shoot you
from the right angles and with the proper lighting (eliminates at least
one chin) or use the trusted photoshop to give the appearance
that you're meeting your goals, albeit months behind schedule.

I got fat again and I want to get paid to lose weight. Show the
dough-boy the money! Help me, help myself. I can be the everyman
for Nutrisystem or Weight Watchers. I'm more like Marino than
Barkley. I need to drop 30 pounds. Oh, I know you've heard this
before. I documented my fitness program last summer as I went
from the Fat Guy to Toughman, reaching my goal of losing 20 pounds


and completing a half-ironman. But I gained it all back. I was like
Oprah after she slimmed down to get in her old jeans that she wore
when she was 25-years old. As soon as I crossed the finish line,
I busted out and gained a quick 10 over the next month. That Mister
Softee ice cream cone on my way home from the half-ironman sent
me on my way to becoming Mr. Pudge once again.

I know what many of you are saying, "You're not fat, I saw you're
Christmas pictures." Well, yes. The lighting was good, the position
of the camera was above my eyes, eliminating one of my chins, and
the picture was cropped nicely, so you couldn't see my chub. Plus,
the XXXL sweater did a nice job of hiding my "problem" areas.


However, that's not an accurate portrayal of my physique on December 31,
2011. It resembles more like the picture below. I'm 240 pounds, but I think
I wear it well, don't you think? (Note: This was before I got a full body wax)


On January 1, 2012, I will begin the road to a better body. It's out
with the pizza, doughnuts, Ben & Jerry's, butter, bread, and
candy. The sad thing, I don't even drink. I put the weight back on the
good old-fashioned way, I ate everything that wasn't nailed down.
Man, I love to eat. My friends no longer take their leftover food to
the homeless shelter, they kill two birds with one stone now. They
invite me over to graze and don't waste the time, energy, or gas
money by going to the shelter.

Tomorrow is a new day, a New Year, and the first day to a better body.
Weight Watchers, can you hear me? Nutrisystem, hello? McFly? Sign
me up. I'm ready to go. 30 pounds by July 4th. I can do it, I know I
can. I would just like to get paid for it this time.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

SIAFA LEWIS: THE COOLEST MAN IN TELEVISION


He's the only man who can make a pink scarf look manly.

When he tucks a handkerchief in his breast pocket it says, "thank you."

As he walks into his closet, his wardrobe screams, "we are not worthy!"

He's been blessed with so many talents, there is a sign on his back
that reads, "Standing room only."

His picture in the dictionary falls under "Jack of All Trades".
However, Webster's has updated it to read: "master of them all."


Siafa Lewis is not the most interesting man in the world, but he just
might be the most versatile and fascinating one in local television.

Lewis is a reporter/host for LVTV in New York on NBC. He also
fills in as a sports anchor and has a model portfolio that ooozes with
cool. If he played football, Bill Cowher would've called him "Slash"
long before Kordell Stewart ever showed up.




He grew up in New Jersey but he bleeds everything Philadelphia.
Phillies, Eagles, Flyers, Sixers, and whatever comes out of the city
of brotherly love. When Lewis has to fill in on the sports desk and
reports on the Giants beating his Eagles, he may put a smile on his
face, but inside, he's in pain, as if he were sitting on a box of razors.
When he reports on the Mets, he does it professionally, but you
get the feeling he'd much rather try to endure water boarding torture
at Abu Ghraib.


If you follow him on Twitter, make sure your cell phone or computer
gets lost on Sunday. Lewis provides  running commentary on
every Eagle game and every play call that head coach Andy Reid
dispenses.

"That's a terrible call! What the heck is Santa Claus doing calling
for a run on second-and-19! He needs to be fired! Now!"

"This team has absolutely NO heart."

"What the hell is DeSean Jackson doing!"

Lewis has an opinion on everything, most of them good. Or kind
of good. At times, he wears an outfit that looks fit for a new generation
of Thurston Howell the thuuuuuuurds. But Lewis is about the only
guy who can pull it off. Married with two kids, he is a good-natured
guy, who is not married to the mirror and doesn't primp as often
as you might think. Perhaps, if his head wasn't shaved, his wife
would be calling the Fire Department to help get him out of the
bathroom.


The 42-year Lewis is a talented reporter who can make a feature
on number 2 pencils exciting. He is cooler than the other side of
the pillow, but doesn't bring the 'look at me' arrogance that Stuart
Scott does.

He isn't long for New York. Hollywood is where he's heading.
Maybe Lewis will go to be an entertainment reporter on Extra,
Extra, or perhaps he'll go as far away as he can get from New
York so he doesn't have to report on anything Jets, Mets, Giants,
and Rangers.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

DREW BREES: IT''S NOT ABOUT THE RECORD

When an athlete passes a milestone or breaks a record, it's easy to
wax poetic about them and it becomes fashionable to engage in the
"hero worshipping" of them. Lord knows, ESPN has buttered their
bread with it over the years. (Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith, Brett Favre,
Derek Jeter, you get the picture)


Media outlets around the country are doing the same with Drew
Brees today. Last night, he broke Dan Marino's single-season
record for passing yards in a season, a mark that stood since
1984. There are few records that really mean anything in football,
that was one of them. In the coming week, we'll see Brees on
SportsCenter, "PTI", "Good Morning America, and even the
Ellen DeGeneres show where he has made several appearances.
Everyone will want the "hottest" star and story of the week
because it will give them broadcast cred and perhaps a bump
in the ratings.

The record is nice and Brees is a bona-fide superstar, but all
the glitzy highlight reels, features, and accolades by the networks
will never be enough to illustrate just how much one man has
meant to a city. It's not just because Brees is a great athlete, but
more importantly, a  person of great strength and character. He
has help change the face and perception of a Saints organization
that had been inept, insecure, and in need of savior. Brees helped
energize New Orleans and aided in it's recovery from Hurricane
Katrina. No athlete in the history of sports has been more important
to its city than Dree Bress. That includes Michael Jordan, Magic
Johnson, and Derek Jeter. Those athletes played in stronger-than-
Atlas cities, ones that already had an identity and resources to
withstand catastrophe.


After Hurricane Katrina, he didn't flee New Orleans, he embraced
it. He didn't bolt to a ritzy suburb, he stayed in the heart of the
city and helped it rebuild. Many of us thought the Big Easy would
never recover, but Brees made sure it not only recovered, but
 flourish. He helped lead the Saints to a place where they had
never gone before, beating hometown hero Peyton Manning of
the Colts in the Super Bowl. He became the king of the Mardis
Gras parade and a person that parents wanted their kids to emulate.

It's not about the record with Brees. It's about the person.
In a sports world that has been riddled with scandal,
sarcasm, and superstars without a moral compass, Dress Brees
is everything right about sports. Thank you, number 9.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

THE DEATH OF REX RYAN'S MOUTH

December 24, 2011. Mark it down as the day Rex Ryan's
mouth died. After all his bravado, boasting, and endless Super
Bowl guarantees, the Jets big pie hole has been stuffed shut, thanks
to a crippling loss to city-rivals, the New York Giants. In the
week leading up the big game, the media attention was focused
on Ryan, who said the Jets wanted to own "not only the town,
but the entire league." He claimed the Jets were the far better
team because they had gone to the last two conference title games
whereas the Giants hadn't even made the playoffs. Before the
game, he ordered staffers to cover-up the mural of the Giants
four Super Bowl trophies in the bowls of Met-Life Stadium.



Then the Jets lost. After the game, Giants running back Brandon
Jacobs had words with Not-so-Sexy, Rexy and told ESPN
Ryan was a "big-mouth, big-bellied, loudmouth bast--d, who
needs to keep his mouth shut." Well said.

Ever since being named head coach of the New York Jets in
January of 2009, Rex Ryan has been walking a fine between being
brilliant and a buffoon. He's been talking as if his keg-of-beer gut
needed trash-talking fuel to survive. At his introductory press
conference, Ryan announced his presence with authority stating he
didn't come to the Big Apple to "kiss Bill Belichick's rings." After
Eric Mangini, who had the personality of a pencil, Ryan was a breath
of fresh air and he gave the entire Jets organization a positive vibe
and livedby the mantra, "Dream big." Fans of Gang Green were thrilled and
Ryan made them relevant again after taking the team to back-to-back
AFC Championship.


Everything was about Rex and part of it was by design and this
is where the brilliant part comes in. Rex and his outlandish statements
put the focus on him and took the spotlight and pressure off his
team. With the New York media-wolves obsessed with Ryan
and his sometimes ridiculous statements (Like guaranteeing a
Super Bowl every year), his players could go out and just play.
He has a talented team, but it's filled with petulant, trouble stars
like Plaxico Burress and Santonio Holmes, who almost led a
mutiny earlier this year because of the play-calling of offensive
coordinator. Ryan diffused that situation with his mouth like
firefighters extinguish blazes with water and foam.

Ryan's antics also took some of the pressure of Mark Sanchez,
who was tagged with extraordinary expectations but has endured
the growing pains that every young quarterback not named Marino,
go through.

However, everything reaches a tipping  point and Saturday's loss
to the Giants was it for Ryan. He exchanged words with Jacobs
after the game, adding to his litany of post-game foul-ups. Ryan
said the magic word to a fan earlier this season and had used his
ring-less middle finger inappropriately. There comes a point when
enough is enough. The behavior becomes boorish and exhausting.
As Crash Davis said in "Bull Durham", when you win, the antics
are considered funny and colorful. But if you lose, you're pretty
much a moron.

Ryan can coach and motivate, there is little doubt about it.
But he must find a new way to do it. The guarantees and
predictions have become hollow and laughable. If Ryan
does the same thing again, the New York media will roll
their eyes and not waste any energy writing about them.
Ryan's bravado has become old, tiresome, and predictable.

The big mouth act has run it's course and is getting diminishing
returns. Hopefully, it can rest in peace forever.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

YALE COACH "PADS" HIS RESUME AND HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

Lying is the performance-enhancing drug that you don't have to buy.
People do it to build themselves up and morph into somebody they're
really not. It might make them bigger in the eyes of some people, but
eventually the plug gets pulled and the liars end up like the athletes who
come off the juice: smaller, weaker, and with damage that can never
be undone.


Five weeks ago, Yale head football coach Tom Williams stuck a needle
in his biography and tried to pump himself up like Bill Belichick.
Williams claimed he had been a Rhodes Scholarship candidate
when he was in college at Stanford. However, a report in the New
York Times quoted an official from the Rhodes Trust saying they had
no record of Williams ever applying for the prestigious scholarship.
Yale began an internal investigation and the rest, (And Williams)
as they say, was history. After just three years at the Ivy League
school, Williams turned in his resignation.

The stunning resignation came almost 10 years to the day that
George O'Leary resigned from Notre Dame in disgrace. O'Leary
spent five days in his dream job, but it turned into a nightmare when
it was discovered that he had "padded" his resume with lies.
O'Leary said he earned a master's degree from a college that
didn't exist and also claimed to be a three-year letterman at the
University of New Hampshire, when in fact, he had never played
a single game for the Wildcats.


O'Leary's lies put the spotlight on resume fudging and sent
coaches all around the country into their school's media relations
departments to "edit" their biographies and profiles. That was
2001, a time when the Internet was just warming up. So you
can forgive Williams if he wasn't logged on and aware of O'Leary's
downfall. It was either that, or that fact that he was buried knee
deep in term papers.

O'Leary never fully recovered from his lies and ungraceful
exit from Notre Dame. Oh, sure, he's enjoyed a nice career
at Central Florida. Unfortunately, it's always going to be,
"George O'Leary's a good coach, but....."  He can shower
100 times a day but he's never going to rinse away the stigma
associated with the lies that cost him the job at Notre Dame.


Williams may never recover, and if he does, it will be a slow
and a painful process. There will always be the snickers from
strangers, the friends who look away when they see you coming,
and the countless job rejections that have nothing to do with
competence.

Besides lying about being a Rhodes Scholarship candidate,
Williams was outed for fibbing about his football background.
In his original bio at Yale, he  stated that he was on the practice
squad of the NFL’s San  Francisco 49ers in 1993. However,
that was also proven not  to be the case. That's not really all that
unusual, though. If I had a dime for every juiced up, ex-Division
II football player who told me he played with an NFL team but
was cut in training camp or was the last one released or didn't
make the team because of an injury, I'd be a millionaire. It's one
thing to  misrepresent yourself in a bar or on Facebook, it's quite
another to do it at an institution of higher learning.

Like steroid users, people who lie don't believe they'll ever
got caught. With Google, instant background checks, and
everything else you get on the Internet, it makes no sense to
even try to lie about your history. People will find out.
Throw in Twitter and Facebook and there is always someone
who knew someone who knew you didn't do the things you
said you did. Tom Williams lied. Someone found out about it.
He got fired. History repeated itself. Again.


.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

BOBBY BOWDEN: 'IF I WERE PATERNO, I WOULD'VE CALLED POLICE'. (I DOUBT IT)

Bobby Bowden, the longtime coach at Florida State who retired
in 2009 after 34 years with the Seminoles, told a radio station in
Orlando recently, that he would've acted much differently than
Joe Paterno in the alleged child-abuse scandal at Penn State.


Bowden, who always seemed to be battling Paterno for the all-time
record in wins (JoePa had 409 to Bowden's 377) when they were
both active, said he wouldn't have looked the other way if he had
been told that one of his former assistants had committed an act
like Sandusky allegedly did.

"I would have gone to that guy (Sandusky), asked him if it was true,"
said Bowden. "and I would have told him to get away from here
and don’t EVER come back. And then I would have gone to the police.
I think that's what I would've done."

I've always been amazed by the people who criticize others and
always seem to do what they think is right well after the fact. Bowden
said he "thinks" calling the police is what he would've done, but do
you really think he would have? Has any college coach that you can
recall ever run to the police? Have they ever blown the whistle
on themselves or their program? Did Mike McQueary go to the
police after he allegedly saw Sandusky committed a sexual act
on a young child?

Coaches, or many people for that matter only do what's right
when it's right for them. Do people always do the right thing
even if there are severe consequences they will face if they do
so? If it means putting your job in jeopardy or having your
reputation tainted,  how many coaches or people still
"do the right thing?" In most cases, self-preservation wins out
over self-destruction.

Mike McQueary didn't do the right thing and go to the police,
did he? If he had gone to the police, he knew that he'd never be
trusted by any coach or program in the country. He knew his
future in the profession would be all but shot. McQueary was a
former athlete and he came up knowing the unwritten code that
if you tattle or squeal on a teammate, you can pretty much count
on being ostracized at your next stop and throughout the game.
Did he save that child from Sandusky? No, he was more concerned
about saving himself.

Coaches are more inclined to protect their image or that of
the program and the school, than another individual. In 1986,
Len Bias and a few of his teammates were partying in the dorms
on the campus of the University of Maryland. Bias had an
accidental overdose and died. Lefty Driesell, then the head coach
of the Terps, told a few of the players who had been in the room


with Bias to clean it up and to get rid of the drugs and paraphernalia
that were strewn across the floor. There was no way Lefty was
going to be tagged with a rep for recruiting drug addicts and
guys who partied a lot. It would hurt his recruiting efforts and
ability to stay competitive in the ACC. It was a big mess and
Lefty had to do something to cover it up and save himself.
Didn't happen. Lefty was forced to resign.

Coaches like Driesell and Paterno were conditioned to
keep everything "in house," meaning that what goes on
here, stays in here. We watch each others backs and protect
the the image, the brand, the program....and self.

In 2003, Baylor University and the basketball program
suffered an unthinkable tragedy, when Carlton Dotson shot
a teammate, Brian Dennehy, in desolate field outside of
Waco, Texas. In the subsequent investigation, it was discovered
that basketball coach, Dave Bliss, had made illegal payments
to Dotson during his recruitment. Bliss tried to smear Dotson's
reputation to save himself. He told his players to lie to
investigators and say that Dotson was a drug dealer who used
the money he made from selling drugs to pay for his tuition.
Bliss didn't care about doing "the right thing", he just wanted
to save himself. Needless to say, Bliss was fired.


Paterno could've done the right thing, but like Driesell and
Bliss, he knew it would make him look bad. Everything---the
image, the brand, the legacy, would be gone. Paterno chose to
do what was right for him, instead of  just doing the right thing.
And like the others, he just tried to sweep it under the rug and
hoped it'd all go away.

Bobby Bowden can say that he would've gone to the police,
but I really doubt it. Doing so would have destroyed his image,
his brand, and his legacy. Are you going to tell me in Bowden's
34 years at Florida State that he reported every illegal activity
to the police? With those players? Seriously. There were no
crimes as heinous as the ones that allegedly occurred in
the football facility at Penn State, but I'm sure a few things
happened where Bowden turned the other way.

Just this past week, Matt McGloin, the QB at Penn State
suffered a seizure and concussion after being in a fight
with a teammate. If that happened on the street,  both players
would've been arrested for assault, disorderly conduct, and
breach of peace. But it happened "in house" and the coach
took care of it. Did Tom Bradley call the police? I don't think
so. Do coaches ever?

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

SANTA CLAUS IS MARK RICHT IN DISGUISE

In a college football world where every coach always seems to
be looking out for number one, it was refreshing to hear Mark
Richt looking out for others. The Georgia Bulldogs head football
coach was cited by the NCAA for "impermissible" payments.
Richt apparently paid some of his assistant coaches more than
$60,000 from his own pocket over the course of a three-year
period.


The veteran coach of the Bulldogs didn't think a few members
of his loyal staff were being compensated fairly by the university,
so he supplemented their incomes. How cool is that?

In a day and age where coaches like Lane Kiffin and Todd Graham put
blinders on and chase the almighty dollar, it's nice to see a guy
taking care of the guys who take care of him. Loyalty and dedication
was rewarded by Richt, who some say put his job on the line with these
"transgressions". (The NCAA has so many silly rules that
it's nauseating). Not by a long shot. Richt enhanced his reputation
as a coach and person who is grounded and of high-moral
fiber. According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Richt
helped out in a number of ways.

• To former recruiting assistant Charlie Cantor, $10,842 over an
11-month period through March 2011.
• To former linebackers coach John Jancek, $10,000 in 2009 after the
previous university administration declined to give Jancek a raise when
he turned down a coaching opportunity elsewhere.
• To director of player development John Eason, $6,150 in 2010 when his
new administrative position called for a salary reduction after he
stepped down from an assistant coaching position on Richt's staff.

Richt also paid a total of $15,227 when the school -- citing "difficult
economic conditions being experienced by the University" -- refused
bowl bonuses to 10 non-coach staff members: director of sports medicine
Ron Courson, video coordinator Joe Tereshinski, strength coaches Keith
Gray and Clay Walker, football operations manager Josh Brooks, high
school liaison Ray Lamb and four administrative assistants.

He also paid a five-year longevity bonus of $15,337.50 due to tight
ends coach Dave Johnson when he took a job at West Virginia in 2008
just short of his fifth anniversary coaching at UGA and $6,000 to fired
defensive ends coach Jon Fabris in 2010 when Fabris was unable to find
a job after his UGA severance package expired.

 As we've seen over the past few months, there are a lot of quality coaches
in college sports, but not a lot of quality people. The University of Georgia
has a great coach and person in Mark Richt. Paying more $60,000 from
his own pocket for his assistants? How cool is that?

Monday, December 19, 2011

HOLY TRINITY: JESUS, TEBOW, AND PUJOLS

We've heard a lot about Jesus Christ lately and it's not because many
of us are about to celebrate his birth again. Thanks to Tim Tebow
and Albert Pujols, Jesus Christ has been mentioned on television,
radio, in newspapers, and on the Internet as often as Kim Kardashian.
Tebow, the Denver Broncos quarterback, begins every press
conference after a game by stating, "I want to thank Jesus Christ,
my Lord and savior." Pujols said he prayed to him when trying
to decide if he should take the boatload of cash from the Angels,
Marlins, or Cardinals. Naturally, Pujols decided, with the help of
a higher power, that he wanted to wear a halo.













What should we make of Tebow and Pujols as they put their
relationship with Jesus Christ on display? I don't think anyone
has a problem with their belief in the son of God but it's obvious
there are many who feel that Tebow and Pujols should not
be using their playing fields as a platform to push their religion
and beliefs.

Is this anything new in sports? Hardly, Kurt Warner thanked
his Lord and savior on national television after he helped the
St. Louis Rams win the Super Bowl in 1999. Warner admittedly
toned down his act as he got older and more mature, and in a
recent interview in the Arizona Republic he urged Tebow to
do the same.


"You can't help but cheer for a guy like that," Warner told the
 newspaper. "But I'd tell him, 'Put down the boldness in regards
to the words, and keep living the way you're living. Let your
teammates do the talking for you. Let them cheer on your testimony."

The future hall of fame quarterback added. "The greatest
impact you can have on people is never what you say, but how
you live. When you speak and  represent the person of Jesus
Christ in all actions of your life, people are drawn to that.
You set the standard with your actions. The words can come after."


We haven't heard many words form Pujols since he shocked the
baseball world by signing with the Angels. He has slipped into
relative obscurity, thanks to the off-season. But his wife, Deidre,
more than made up for his silence recently.

“When it all came down, I was mad,” Deidre Pujols told a St. Louis
 radio station. “I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs
that had been played out through the baseball field, our foundation,
 our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships,
my home, my family close. I mean, we had no reason, not one
reason, to want to leave." Mrs. Pujols was mad at God? Why?

There are some theologians who say that Tebow's and Pujols'
open display of their religion goes against what is written in
the Bible.

“Take care that you don't flaunt your religion in public to be
noticed  by others. Otherwise, you will have no recognition
from your Father in  the heavens" -- (Matt. 6:1).

Many Christians have celebrated the success of Tebow and
admire his willingness to credit his Lord and savior for the gifts
that he's been blessed with. However, when you put yourself
and your religion on display like Tebow, you're open to shots
from the critics and comics. Tebow was lampooned on "Saturday
Night Live". And the fear is, that once the Broncos and their
quarterback comes back to earth and go through difficult times
the cynicism will increase to a point where he will be openly
mocked for the open display of his beliefs.

Warner had once piece of advice for Tebow and he delivered
it via Twitter.

"My perspective is always share&be bold w/ faith, but I learned
 there r multiple ways 2 do that&that is what I would share w/ Tim!"

In a sports world that's been riddled by scandal, Tebow and Pujols
are air fresheners that have covered up the stench emitting from Penn
State, Syracuse, Tiger Woods, and the litany of athletes who have
behaved badly. Both have tried to live their lives like Jesus Christ,
who was also mocked and criticized, but he stayed true to his
beliefs, didn't he?

Saturday, December 17, 2011

SAM HURD:TROUBLE MAKING ENDS MEET ON 650K A YEAR

I feel sorry for Sam Hurd, I really do. In an a world where the economy
is still on life-support ,the unemployment rate is higher than Rick Perry's IQ,
and that light at the end of the tunnel is  an on-coming train, Hurd had
to try to make ends meet on $650,000 a year. That is quite a challenge
and I sympathize with him. I understand  signing a 3-year deal worth $5.1
million in the off-season with the Chicago Bears, would have to
make a lot of people work harder  to stretch their dollar and make
it go further.


I feel sorry Hurd had to try to do it under terrible conditions. His
employer made him practice, sometimes twice a day, and ordered
him to run pass patterns on a big field in front of 80,000 fans on
Sundays and occasionally,  Mondays, too. There haven't been working
conditions like that since Kathie Lee Gifford's clothing line came out in the
mid-1990's, and 12-year old kids were forced to work 15 hour days
in heat that would melt her husband Frank's, plastic from the plastic
surgery he had.

Hurd is a pretty intelligent guy, though. He realized the NFL-life
expectancy is only about 3.5 years. A professional athlete does have
a lot of time on his hands during the season and Hurd, apparently,
used it wisely to prepare for his career after football. When rookies
come into the NFL, they must attend a seminar that helps you get ready for,
and adjust to life after football. The former Dallas Cowboys receiver
really took this to heart.


Before and after practice, Hurd set up his own company and streamlined
it to make sure the cost of overhead was very little. He hired a few
independent workers which didn't require him to set up a 401k, insurance,
or any other retirement plans. At only 26-years old, Hurd was a savvy
businessman and who was also loved and admired by his co-workers.
Hurd appeared to have it all: Fame, wealth, and security.

But after this past week, it appears security is the only thing Hurd
will have for the rest of his life. He's going to be in a maximum-
security prison for a quite awhile. But it'll have a roof and serve three
square meals a day. The wide receiver for the Bears was
busted by Homeland Security after he attempted to set up regular
purchases of 1,000 pounds of marijuana and five to 10 kilograms of
cocaine to expand a drug distribution system he'd already established.

                                                      

Good night! 1,000 pounds of marijuana purchases? At one time, Hurd
did play for the Dallas Cowboys so he must've received some good advice
from Nate Newton, who spent some time in the Big House for moving
massing quantities of marijuana around the country. Hurd must've missed
out on the part of how NOT to get caught, or Newton wasn't really
qualified to disseminate that part of the scheme.

I'm sure that Hurd will say that he was just using his entreprenuial skills
and trying to build a company for life after football, but come on, a drug
ring? As an  active NFL player? Wow. I guess he didn't see the numbers
like those on his post-game stat sheet. Nobody buying and selling drugs
in that quantity goes unnoticed. Like a receiver in double-coverage, the feds
blanket you and your every move. This was a dumb move, the dumbest
we've seen in a long, long time. Hurd was cut by the Bears and has
traded in his deep navy blue uniform with orange and white trim, for one
that is all orange, accessories included, which are currently locked on
his hands and ankles. Hurd is  facing up to 40 years in prison. The fields
might not be as long there, but as Plaxico Burress found out, there will be
enough room to run a few pass patterns.

An NFL player in the prime of his career operating a drug ring? As I've
said many times before,  the only thing we know about people, is
the fact that we really don't know very much at all about them, do we?

Friday, December 16, 2011

MIKE MILBURY SQUARES OFF VS KID. SHOES STAY ON


“I’ve seen a lot of irresponsible things done by adults and Mike
Milbury is no different in my mind. Now, again, these are just
allegations that he committed this.”
                             --Brookline Police Captain Thomas Keaveney

What "this" is,  are charges that Mike Milbury, a former NHL
player and current television analyst, although that could turn into
"ex" soon enough, allegedly grabbed and a shook a player who
was playing against his son last week. Really? A grown man
mixing it up with a 12-year old kid? Did Milbury, who used
to play and fight in the NHL for the Boston Bruins, get the
itch to drop the gloves against a kid who was no bigger than
Justin Bieber? Or was it just Mike Milbury channeling his
inner Mike Milbury, a loose cannon who had the fuse lit by
a kid?  Milbury got to have his picture taken at the police department
and they gave him some ink to fingerprint with later. What the
heck is going in our sports world today with all the Sanduskys,
Fines, Tigers, Hurds, and Tressels? And people want to criticize
Tim Tebow? Good grief.


I can't say I was surprised to hear Milbury's name in the same
sentence with confrontation, grabbing, and shaking, after all,
he will forever be known as the player who went into the stands
at Madison Square Garden on December 23, 1979 and beat
a fan with his shoe. That's right, Milbury went all nutty on
a Rangers fan who must've interrupted him on his way to
getting a hot pretzel. You can see the incident below, shortly
before the announcer says,  "never has he been shy about
voicing his displeasure."


Wow. Those words sure rang true almost 32 years to the day
that Milbury made a fan eat his own wing-tipped shoe. On Dec. 9,
according to the Boston Globe, Milbury was coaching a game
that his son was playing in. Milbury’s son and a boy on the
other team reportedly got into a heated exchange. That prompted
Milbury to come on the ice and grab the player opposing his son.
Milbury then allegedly grabbed the boy by his shirt collar,
picked him up, and shook him before some other coaches
stepped in and broke it up.

OK. This is just the report and the allegations against
Milbury. The judicial process will play out but Versus/NBC
has already made the decision to take him off the air for now.
As we've seen many times before, the court of public opinion
is not gentle. And I've already taken the gloves off. Yes,
there is due process, but come on!

For Milbury to get himself involved in a situation like
that as a public figure and former NHL player is mind-boggling.
And to allegedly touch a kid physically is just insane. As a
player, it didn't take much for opponents to push Milbury's buttons,
and back in the day he always reacted accordingly. But
to have the pot stirred by a 12-year kid and Milbury
can't restrain himself?

I really hope somebody got it wrong and Milbury wasn't
really  involved to the point where he has to put an orange
jumpsuit on. But as the Brookline police captain said, "I've
seen a lot of irresponsible things done by adults and Mike
Milbury is not different in my mind." Bruin fans have see
a lot of bad things in their lifetime, they just never thought
Milbury would keep fighting well after his career was over,
especially with a 12-year old kid.















o

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

THE MOST COWARDLY WAY TO SAY GOOD-BYE


Nobody has their eyes on the next job like college football coaches.
They always seem to be looking for a more high-profile position,
a bigger paycheck, and that nice big springboard that will eventually
vault them to their "dream" job, or until another better "dream" job
comes along.

Lane Kiffin went to Tennessee after being fired from the Oakland
Raiders and then offended nearly every school in the SEC by calling them
cheaters and something else inflammable because as Kiffin said, he
"wanted to make a statement right away." He challenged the current
players in Knoxville to stay there and build something great and
gave a phenomenal sales pitches to high school recruits that the
Volunteers would play for the national title very soon. Guaranteed


And then he left. Yep, after one year of hearing "Rocky Top", Kiffin
took his talents to USC because of course, that was his dream job. All
those passionate speeches to keep kids from leaving Knoxville, while
encouraging blue-chip studs to come there, meant absolutely nothing
because, by golly, Kiffin had to look out for number one. He did tell
a few of his players and the athletic director he was leaving, then left
under the cover of darkness and a police escort and flew to Los Angeles
never to be heard from again---or at least until he had to answer allegations
of recruiting improprieties, which Tennessee is paying for thanks to
good 'ole, Lane.



But nobody is a bigger sell-out than Todd Graham. I know, many of
you are probably saying, "who the hell is Todd Graham?" Well, he was
the head football coach at Pittburgh for about a day longer than Kiffin
was at Tennessee. After a "lights-out" 6-6 season, Graham was
such a hot property that Arizona State came calling. I don't have enough
space on here to tell you what a debacle the Sun Devils program is.




Long story short, Graham accepts the job at ASU then phones his
athletic director at Pitt to say he won't be around the Steel City
for Christmas and is headed to the Valley of the Sun. He didn't bother
to get a return ticket, either. Not sure I can blame him , those winters
in Pittsburgh are brutal. Anyway, Graham didn't think his players were
worthy of a personal good-bye, so he texted them. Yep, the guy is
flat-out savvy when it comes to social networking. I'm really surprised
he didn't post it on Twitter, as well. Moonlight Graham actually texted
his players that he was quitting on them. As Keyshawn Johnson would
say, "Come on, Man! How weak is that."  Here's what the cowardly
texter said:

"I have resigned my position at Pitt in the best interest of my family
to pursue the head coaching position at Arizona State. Coaching there
has always been a dream of ours and we have family there. The timing
of the circumstances have prohibited me from telling you this directly.
I now am on my way to Tempe to continue those discussions. God Bless.
Coach Graham." He was also playing word games with Alec Baldwin
in aisle five. But Graham really needs to replace the Dos Equis guy
in the campaign for cowardly quitters.


And I think he also texted, "And enjoy the beautiful winter in Pittsburgh.
LOL."

What a class guy. Graham, like Kiffin, preached commitment,
dedication, and loyalty, then when someone asked them to do the same,
they say, "Suckers!" You actually fell for that?" The NCAA has to
do something to prevent these coaches from getting the one-year
itch and penalize them. If athletes have to sit out one year after
transferring, coaches should have to as well.

Graham's cowardly sell-out brings to mind the exit strategy of former
Atlanta Falcons coach Bobby Petrino. In his first year with the Dirty
Birds, they lost 10 of their first 13 games and Michael Vick was in prison.
Petrino got an offer from Arkansas and high-tailed in out of the ATL.
Oh, but Bobby Boy strapped it on and left a note for his players taped
to their lockers:


Atlanta Falcons players;Out of my respect for you, I am letting you
know, with a heavy heart, I resigned today as the Head Coach of the 
Atlanta Falcons. This decision was not easy but was made in the best 
interest of me and my family. While my desire would have been to finish
out what has been a difficult season for us all, circumstances did not 
allow me to do so. I appreciate your hard work and wish the best.

Sincerely,
Bobby Petrino

For the benefit of the media and everyone with the Falcons, strong safety
Lawyer Milloy made a slight edit to the note:
Coward Petrino Letter

Yep, Petrino was a coward, just like Graham. The new ASU
gets props for being more social network savvy than Petrino,
but he's still a girly-man. I mean, come on. You tell your players
to be accountable and act like mature adults, and then do this?
That is weak, oh, so very weak.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

RYAN BRAUN'S TOP 10 REASONS FOR FAILED DRUG TEST

                                                                                                      

                   10. The B-12 shot that Bernie the Brewer gave me must've been tainted.


        9.   I was working out with Texans linebacker Brian Cushing and because we work
              out really hard, I might've suffered "Overtraining Syndrome", which raises the level
              of testosterone to freakish levels.

      

              8. Prince Fielder was jealous of me, my contract, and success and I think he slipped
              something into my post-game protein shake.

              7. After the Big 3 Sausage race at Miller Park, the tall one handed me a brat, which
              I ate in between innings, that piece of meat had testosterone in it.

   

         6. During the ceremony at the University of Miami, where they dedicated the field to
         Alex  Rodriquez, he asked me to hold  his drink while he made his speech. I mistakenly
         took a sip. There must have been "Boli" or something like that in there.


        5. Remember when I tripped and fell as I tried to score last year.Check it out on YouTube.
        I ripped my elbow up in the dirt in the exact same spot Jason Giambi slid. The dianabol
        from Giambi must've passed through the dirt and into my blood.


       4. That ointment my masseuse was rubbing on me might not have been flaxeed oil.

       3. The chewable vitamins my dad picked up from GNC had to be mismarked or tainted.


  2. I wanted to fill out my helmet better so I asked Barry Bonds what he took to increase
      the size of his head. It was kind of a clear gel, but looking back it did kind of
       smell. That could've been it.

                                                      1. I slept with Manny Ramirez.

Friday, December 9, 2011

CHARLES BARKLEY: A BEAUTIFUL MOUTH


Charles Barkley learned a long time ago that he could get away
with saying just about anything. During his playing days he once
told a throng of reporters, "I hate white people." Nobody blinked
and he didn't get fined, suspended, or hated on by white America.
Barkley has the gift of making people laugh and to laugh off whatever
he's saying . Most of us love him for being truthful, honest
and spitting out whatever the heck is on his mind. He certainly
has provided us with some great quotes over the years.

*On Nate Robinson in dunk contest: "Any little midget
  who can do that deserves a 10."

*"I love Sam Cassell, but he does look like E.T."

*I can be bought. If they paid enough, I'd work for the Klan."

*"They said it about brothers, but I guarantee everybody
  in Finland look alike." 

*"They don't let many black people in the governor's
  mansion in Alabama, unless they're cleaning."                                                                        
                                                                                                                                                                                   Those are just 5 of the best 5,000 quotes of Barkley. The
NBA Hall of Famer and analyst for TNT, TBS, and every topic that
is relevant in the nation, has had a lot on his mind lately, including
Skip Bayless, the arrogant and pompous personality on ESPN. Sir
Charles went on the Dan Patrick Show and said what most everybody
would like to say about Bayless, who thinks he can coach better
than Bill Belichick, hit better than Albert Pujols, and run the
country better than Obama.


"Hey Dan, I been watching your show. You're doin' a good job, bro.
And I wanna tell you the best thing you ever did. You know, 'cause
I hate Skip Bayless more than any person in the world. Thank you
for giving me an alternative so I don't have to watch Skip Bayless
in the morning. I will always be indebted to you so that I don't have
to watch that asshole, Skip Bayless."

That's Barkley being Barkley and we love him for it. If you, me,
or Irene, say that we hate Bayless, nobody cares. But when Barkley
says it, it's hilarious and spot-on. And we thank him, once again,
for telling it like it is.

Barkley wasn't done telling it like it is after his comment on
Bayless.  The former 'Round Mound of Rebound' and owner

of the worst golf swing in the human race, has had enough
of Tebow-mania. Everything Tebow has been forced down our
throats and Barkley's had enough. He went on a Chicago sports
talk radio show and pleaded for the Bears to make the Tebowing
stop.

“I want to make a personal plea to Lance Briggs, Brian Urlacher,
Mr.  Peppers, please stop the madness,” Barkley said Friday
on “The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000. “I’m just so tired.
I like Tim Tebow. He seems like a good kid, and I wish him
success, but I am Tebowed out. So this is my personal plea
for you three guys, please stop this madness. Tim Tebow is
a good player. I wish him luck, but if I don’t ever hear the
words Brett Favre or Tim Tebow again it won’t be enough."

We think it, but it's Barkley who always says it, and most
of the time, he says it like it is.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

GOD TOLD ALBERT PUJOLS TO TAKE THE MONEY

Last month when Albert Pujols was in Miami being courted by
the suddenly filthy rich Marlins, someone asked the free-agent
first baseman where thought he would wind playing next year.
Pujols responded by deferring to a higher power, "We're just
going to see where God takes us," Pujols said. Apparently,
God didn't tell him to go to Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Kansas City,
or back to St.Louis. Pujols would have you believe that God
whispered  in his ear and said, "Go ahead, be an Angel. Take
the money and go west, young man."

People will say that Pujols "shocked" the baseball world by
signing with the American League team in Los Angeles for
10-years and a total of $254 million  But who did he really shock
besides the fans in St. Louis who thought he'd be like Stan
Musial and be a Cardinal forever? People were "shocked"
when Alex Rodriquez took the $250 million from the Texas
Rangers, weren't they? Why is anybody shocked when a
player takes the best offer and most money? Wouldn't you?
Oh, that's right, you're loyal to your employer and you'd
take less money to stay where you are.Yeah, right.


Loyalty went out the window with acid-washed jeans and the
Rubix cube. There is no such thing, especially in sports.
Look at Pujols. Everything about him appeared to be great.
Great person, family man,  Christian, and teammate. Nobody
ever said anything bad about him, unless of course, you count
some members of the media who felt Pujols owed it to them
to talk after his costly error in the World Series. He was
beloved as a person and player as there's ever been in St. Louis
and the city claimed Pujols as their favorite son. Now they feel
betrayed. But players keep score and they know exactly where
they rank when it comes to the Benjamins. King Albert said it
wasn't about the money, but it was ALL about the money. It
always is. The Angels offered him more money than anyone else.
Name two players who have left money on the table. I'll give
you Cliff Lee. Name another.

Pujols is arguably the best player in the game and he wanted to
be paid like it. You think he was happy seeing  Mark Texiera,
Ryan Howard, and Adrian Gonzalez making more than him? Forget
about being the highest paid player in the game, Pujols was the
fourth highest paid player at his position. He wanted to be numero
uno. Nothing wrong with that. He didn't owe St. Louis anything.
He gave them 10 of the  best years in major league history and
helped them win two World Series titles and build a new  stadium.
St. Louis didn't owe him anything, either. They made him a millionaire
150 times over.


It stings now, but maybe the Cardinals organization was being
smart and prudent. Hasn't anyone learned their lesson when it
comes to 10-year contracts? They become an albatross. You
think the Yankees feel good about being on the hook for six
more years and $180 million dollar for Alex Rodriquez, who
is clearly breaking down at 35. What do you think he's going
to be line at 41? Exactly. I'm sure the Red Sox would like to
get out of that Carl Crawford deal that has six more years on
it. Oh, sure, Pujols is going to have about five more monster
years, but do you really want to be paying for an additional
five at $25 million a year? I don't think any team would want to.

We wanted Pujols to play with one team for his whole career,
didn't we?We wanted him to be like Jeter, Ripken, and Gywnn.
He was going to be Cardinals royalty forever. Just like Musial
and Gibson. That can no longer happen. Pujols is just another
player who had dollar signs in his eyes when he his mouth said it
wasn't about the money. It's always about the money. Always.