Monday, October 31, 2011

KIM KARDASHIAN'S DIVORCE IS A GREAT THING.

P.T. Barnum famously said, "There is a sucker born every minute." The
entertainer coined that phrase back in the 1800's, long before the Internet,
Twitter, Facebook, and bottomless pit of reality shows. If he was
around today, Barnum might say "there are a 1,000 suckers born
every second". Isn't that our society today? We believe everything we
hear and fall for every stupid trick out there. Viewers are captivated
by "Jeresey Shore",  "The Real Housewives of Everywhere" and the
"Bachelorette".


There was no dumber trick or stunt than the marriage between
the least talented vixen on the planet, Kim Kardashin, and
the least talented player in the NBA, Kris Humphries. And people
fell for it. Their "marriage" all of 72-days and Kardashian, who
became famous for a sex tape appeared to be absolutely devastated
about the breakup.

"I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision," said
the "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" star in a statement. "I had
hoped this marriage was forever but sometimes things don't work
out as planned."


Maybe the joke of that marriage and the impending divorce
will make people wake up and walk away from all the drama-filled
made-for-television train wrecks. Are our lives so bad and boring
that we have to spend even a single second watching or thinking
about Snooki, Snitch, or any Diva on those catty Housewives programs?
Please don't say you don't watch any of these show because the ratings
say otherwise.

Can you blame Courtney Stodden for trying to being the second
coming of Kardashian? She sees Kardashian making millions of
dollars for being just a pretty face. You have to give Stodden, who
is all of 17, some credit for her creativity and imagination. She
marries actor Doug Hutchinson, who is 51, or four years older
than Stodden's father. This is the ULTIMATE train wreck that


people are waiting to see just how much damage comes of it.
Stodden is certainly getting a lot of attention in a short amount
of time. She has more than 30,000 people following her on Twitter.
And that's another thing that just accentuates the sadness of our
society. People actually sign up to "follow" celebrities. Are you
kidding me? What can anyone possibly get out of that? Back
to Stodden, everything she does gets splashed all over the Internet.
Did you see those pictures of her and husband frolicking in the
pumpkin patch?

It's time to ignore all these "celebrity" engagements and weddings.
Like all reality shows, they are not real. They are all scripted.
Fake, phoney, and full of non-sense. But I don't think anyone
can stop the frenzy of phoniness that we see everyday because,
after all, there is a sucker born every minute.

Friday, October 28, 2011

WHAT THE CARDINALS WORLD SERIES TITLE MEANS

The St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series title means the best
team doesn't always win, but rather the team that's playing the best
when it matters the most. It means that you can't give up hope when
the chips are down and everybody but the Pope is criticizing you.
It means nothing is truly over until the schedule says its over because
even if you're down 10.5 games on August 25th, there is always
another team (Atlanta this year, Mets in so many other years) that will
fold like a house of cards when the pressure is turned up.


It means that no matter how much you may hate Tony LaRussa,
he is unquestionably a great manager, a first-ballot hall of famer.
Oh, sure, he made  some bonehead decisions in the World Series,
but he kept the team believing when they didn't believe in themselves.
He took misfits and castoffs from other teams like Octavio Dotel, Ryan
Theriot, Lance Berkman, and Nick Punto, yes, Nick Punto,\
and blended them all together with Pujols, Holliday, and
Carpenter and made a championship brew.

It means that once again, having the biggest payroll doesn't
equal championships.The Cardinals had the 11th highest
payroll in baseball. The Yankees, Red Sox, and Phillies,
playing in much bigger markets with much greater bankrolls,
were out in the first round or in the case of the beer drinking
boozers from Beantown, didn't even make the playoffs.

It means that grit, heart, and desire are a much greater
combination than talent alone. Down to their last strike
twice in Game 6, they laughed in the face of adversity
and won the greatest game in post-season history.

It means that Albert Pujols not talking after his
game 2 error means nothing. You think the Cardinals
ownership, management, and fans care about that?
Hardly. He didn't owe anybody anything except a
maximum effort. That's it, that's all. The ring is
the thing and St. Louis got it, even if the media didn't
get their quote from Pujols.


It means that David Freese has earned legendary status
in the wondeful history of a proud and decorated franchise.
The World Series MVP was Mr. Clutch throughout the
Fall Classic and his walk-off HR in Game 6 ranks up
there with Kirby Puckett's winner in the same game in
the 1991 World Series.

It means baseball fans will no longer say Allen Who?
when the Cardinals outfielder is announced next year.

It means that John Mozeliak should be mentioned in the
same breath with Theo Epstein, and Brian Cashman as
brilliant architects of championshipteams.

It means that Dave Duncan should be a slam dunk to
become the first pitching coach to ever make the hall of
fame. What he did with the Cardinals pitching staff was
pretty special.

It means the city of St. Louis has overtaken Boston
as the best baseball town in the country.

It means that baseball for all its black eyes, nicks,
and cuts, can still produce something magical.

THE BEST GAME 6 I NEVER SAW

Baseball officially became my life on October 21, 1975. That was
also the day that I  defied my parents orders for the first time
in my life. I was just an 11-year old kid  witnessing one of
the best World Series games ever played. It was Game 6 of
the epic series between the Boston Red Sox and the Cincinnati
Reds. The game had already been a nail-biting, heart-pounding,
shout til-your-hoarse type of game with moments that you knew
you just were never going to forget. Dwight Evans made a brilliant
catch in right-field, Bernie Carbo, who later admitted he was
stoned out of his mind, hit a pinch-hit game tying home run, and
then, long after my folks told me to go to bed, Carlton Fisk hit
that magical home run in the 12th inning to send the series to
a deciding 7th game.


As a kid, I had spent a lot of time gripping a baseball, but after
that game, baseball gripped me for a long, long time. It was my
love, my passion, which I used to earn a scholarship to UNC
and get a minor-league cup of coffee in the Red Sox organization.
Along the way, I never missed  watching a World Series game,
and it seemed that every time October came around, the sixth
game of the series, like the  one back in 1975, was always
mind-numbing, did-you-see-that, type of games.

I had been to some unbelievable games as a youngster.
I was at Game 5 of the 1976  ALCS when Chris Chambliss
hit a walk-off home run to send the Yankees into the World
Series. When Fernando Valenzuela came through New York
during his incredible rookie season in 1981, my high school
buddies and I were watching in astonishment from the fourth
row at Shea Stadium. I was sitting in the upper-deck of that same
stadium with my father in 1986, when Mookie Wilson of the Mets hit
a dribbler down the first baseline that Bill Buckner let through his legs
that allowed the winning run to score. Un-B-leave-a-ble!


That was also a Game 6 of the World Series. It was filled
with enough twists and turns to make what went down, come
up. The Red Sox were one strike away from ending the
curse of the Bambino and years of frustration, and in the
words of the immortal Dennis Green, "they let em off the
hook".

Game 6 of the 1975 and 1986 World Series at the time,
had been considered two of the greatest post-season games
in baseball history. What was it about Game 6? There always
seemed to be something about Game 6. Remember Reggie
Jacskon's 3 HR's in the 1977 World Series or Joe Carter's
walk-off winner for Toronto in 1993. Game 6 of the World
Series has sometimes even been controversial.


A year before Buckner's Blunder, it was an umpire who
helped decide a Game 6. St. Louis had been leading Kansas
City 1-0 in the 9th inning of what would've been a series
clinching win for the Cardinals. Jore Orta of KC hit a slow-roller
to first base and appeared to be out by a half-step, but
umpire Don Denkinger blew the call and called him safe.
The Cardinals melted down, lost that game and the World
Series in 7 games.

In 1991, in what was a truly spectacular World Series
between the Atlanta and Minnesota, Kirby Puckett hit a
walk-off home run in the bottom of the 11th inning to
give the Twins a victory in what had been an incredible game.
What game of the series was that? Of course, it was Game 6.


On Thursday, as the pivotal game between the Cardinals
and Rangers approached, I casual said to a friend, "it's
Game 6, something always crazy happens." But baseball
is no longer my life. It lost its grip on me a few years back.
I guess life happened and I don't consider it all that important
anymore. I had not watched one inning of this year's Fall
Classic live. Oh, sure, I saw some of the highlights, but
until I sat down on the couch on Thursday night, I hadn't
cared much about the series.


I tried to watch some of the game, but just couldn't. The
life of an insomniac isn't pretty. I was up until 4:30am that
day trying to get some kind of sleep, and after a day of
work, I made a choice to sleep rather than watch Game
6. And boy, was I having a great sleep until Mr. Insomnia
screamed in my ear at 3am. My iphone was next to my bed
so I checked it. No booty calls. Damn. Then  I checked ESPN.com.
and read, "Game 6: One for the ages," and I was like, "Man,
I knew it." David Freese, a St. Louis native, hits a walk-off
home run in a game that the experts are now callng the best one
ever played in the post-season.

And true to form it was another game 6 of the World Series
that was amazing. I watched  the highlights on my phone,
but didn't get fired up like I used to. Maybe because I 
had seen so many great moments before that it didn't
phase me, or maybe that little boy in me  that stayed up
past  mid-night to watch the 1975 World Series has died,
or perhaps just got smart  enough to know that a good night's
sleep is just more important.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

THEO ESPTEIN: GET BARTMAN

On his first day on the job, Theo Esptein, the new Chicago
Cubs president of baseball operations, was asked if he was
going to reach out to Steve Bartman, the scapegoat of the
2003 National League Championship Series. Epstein, who
didn't navigate through the Red Sox and shark-infested
media waters of Boston without being savvy, said that
it was time to reach out Bartman.


"From afar, it seems like it would be an important step,
maybe a cathartic moment that would allow people to
move forward together. I'm all about having an open mind,
an open heart and forgiveness."

As smart as the Yale-educated Epstein, his statement about
giving Bartman "forgiveness" just accentuates what is wrong
with the sports culture, our world, and the fans of Chicago.
Eight years after the Cubs imploded in the NLCS against
the Florida Marlins, people are still blaming Bartman for the loss.


As I write this, I'm thinking of former NBA great Allen Iverson's
diatribe on  his feelings about being criticized for not practicing
hard.  Iverson, at the time, was averaging more that 20 points a
game an MVP candidate.

"We're talking about practice, not a game, but practice,"
Iverson said emphatically. "Wait, wait, wait. Not a game,
but practice."

Eight years later, the Cubs are still not talking about a player,
but a fan. Not someone who played in the game. But a
fan. Not a player like Alex Gonzalez, who butchered a
tailor-made double-play ball that would've gotten the
Cubs out of the inning, but a fan.


After reaching for a ball that supposedly caused Cubs
outfielder Moises Alou, whose defensive prowess will
never be confused with that of Ichiro, to miss a ball,
everybody in Chicagoland blamed Bartman for what
followed. Leading 3-0 in Game 6 and just five outs
from reaching the World Series,  everybody immediately
vilified Bartman as if he were serial-killer John Wayne Gacy.

Thanks to Alou, who made a tantrum of epic proportions,
with a death stare on a kid wearing a headphone, a Cubs
hat, and a green turtleneck, fans showered Bartman with
beers and berated him with words reserved for players like
John Rocker.

The Cubs go through the regular-season and the playoffs,
and they blamed Bartman for their loss. And still are. Epstein
is talking about "forgiveness"? For what, being a fan who did
what everybody else would do?


Bartman's life as he knew it was destroyed the moment Alou
yelled at him in front of Chicago and the entire baseball world.
He went into hiding. Reporters from ESPN stalked him at
work. He received death threats, hate mail, and had to have
police protection outside of his own house. He was a die-hard
Cubs fan who suddenly was wanted dead by every fan of
the Cubs.

IT'S INSANE. Fans directed their hate at another fan, not
another player, but a fan. Imagine having your life destroyed
and being vilified for being part of a play that didn't even
count. It was nothing more than a long strike.

Fate is twisted and it is cruel. In 1996, Jeff Maier reaches
out and helps a ball hit by Derek Jerek to carry over the fence.
He is immortalized in New York, while Bartman tips a ball
that's out of play and he is ostracized. Do you think a day
goes by when Bartman doesn't think about what happened
and all the hate that comes his way. This guy loved the
Cubs but now, can no longer even go to the friendly confines
of Wrigley Field that turned out to be anything but friendly
for Bartman.

Theo, get Bartman. Bring him out of hiding and support him.
As the new messiah in Chicago, people in the Windy City will
follow your lead. In a normal thinking world, Bartman wouldn't
need "forgiveness", but you're right, he needs it now. This
kid has been tormented long enough. Nobody should have to
live in the world Bartman has for the last eight years. Free
Bartman, give him back his life and the happiness that he
deserves.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

SUPER WAS AND SUPER IS

Tim Tebow was so good at Florida, he sent Cam Newton into
college football's witness protection program. Gainseville
wasn't big enough for both of them, so with Tebow already
annointed as the second coming, Newton went off to the world
of junior college football where the only people who know
where you and what you're doing are family, friends, and
recruiters. Newton went to some school in Kansas that you
never heard of while Tebow became the most talked about
player in the nation with the Gators.


CBS, which holds the contract rights to everything SEC,
helped turn Tebow into a mega-star. Producers hunted down
pictures of Tebow wearing a Superman costume when he
was a little kid and the mixed in the song, "I am Superman",
for a nice little feature. And to Gator Nation, Tebow really
was Superman, revered for his incredible talent on the field
and his humble nature and humanitarian efforts of it.


Meanwhile, Newton was off somewhere in Kansas, far far
away from his home in Georgia. He was doing Superman-like
things that mirrored those of Tebow, but when you're in
junior college, you don't get on CBS, or ESPN for that matter,
and nobody sees you.

After spending just a year in JC,  his father Cecil pimped him
around to the highest bidder. Cam eventually landed at Auburn,
while Tebow said good-bye to Gainseville and hello to Denver,
as the Broncos suprised everyone and took him in the first round.
Critics of Tebow said that while he was a phenomenal athlete
he wasn't a pro-style quarterback, had bad mechanics, and
would have trouble adjusting to the NFL.


After winning the Heisman Trophy and the national championship
at Auburn, like Tebow did at Florida,  many of the so-called experts
said the same things about Newton that the did about Tebow.
Phenomenal athlete, bad throwing mechanics, and after playing
in the spread offense, would have trouble adjusting to a pro-style
offense. I think its laughable when I hear scouts feel it's a huge
adjustment to make 7-step drops after playing in a spread offense.
Newton is a freakish athlete who can do pretty much whatever he wants.


Like Tebow, Newton got extensive coaching before the NFL
draft where his mechanics were fine tuned and adjusted. Nobody
had to do anything with Newton's physical tools because God
blessed him with extraordinary size, speed, and strength,
especially for a quarterback. When Newton held an open
workout, many were skeptical of Newton's ability to play
quarterback and succeed quickly in the NFL. Trent Dilfer
of ESPN and former NFL QB was the only one who openly
raved about Newton. His praise of Newton was off the charts,
while others were lukewarm, saying anyone could look good
throwing in shorts against no defense.

The Carolina Panthers had the first pick in the draft and
the moribound franchise and needed a rock-star and Newton
was it. They took Newton and then had to endure the lockout
to work with a player many considered a long-term project.
But when camp opened, it was pretty obvious that Newton
was pretty special. He won the job and opened the season
with back-to-back 400 yard passing games.


Newton has become what Tebow was in college, Superman.
A man blessed with jaw-dropping talent doing extraordinary
things. He runs through, over, and around people, and has
adjusted to the NFL far quicker than anyone could have imagined.
He is as special in Charlotte as Tebow was in Gainseville.

Tebow, like Newton in college, has finally gotten his chance
with the Broncos. He was named the starter before the teams
game against the Dolphins, which marked Tebow's return to
the sunshine state.  In the first 55 minutes of his first start,
Tebow was horrible. Just plain horrible. He was missing
wide-open receivers, making bad reads, fumbling the ball
away, and failing to move the offense. But in the last five
minutes, Tebow put on his cape and morphed in the Superman
he was at Florida. He brought the Broncos back from a
15-0 deficit and helped Denver win the game in overtime.
No longer even the remotely most talented player on
the field, Tebow must now rely on heart and will rather
than skill. As a quarterback in the NFL, that usually
won't get it done as teams will adjust and expose your
weaknesses.

Cam Newton has no weaknesses. He can read defenses
and throw the ball better than anyone (except Dilfer) ever
thought he could. He is the NFL's new Superman, a player
blessed with once-in-a-generation type skills and talent.
Tim Tewbow is no longer Superman, nor will he ever
be in the NFL. He might be a good player, but he'll
never be the player he forced into transferring to junior
college.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

NOBODY OWES ANYBODY ANYTHING

Albert Pujols was roundly criticized after not sticking around after
his blunder in Game 2 of the World Series to talk about it. He said
nobody asked for him as he hid out in an area that was off limits
to the media. When reporters, analysts, and twitter-junkies didn't
get their quotes, they said Pujols "owed" it to them to come out
and talk about it. I heard things like, its his "responsibility" and
his "duty" to give his response. No, it was his choice to do what
he did. Everybody has choices to make everyday, he made his
on that one. He didn't talk, so be it.


The next day during the media session in Texas, Pujols said
the only people he "owes" are God, his family, and the Cardinals.
And he's right. He doesn't "owe" the media squat, zilch, nothing.
Does the media owe Albert Pujols anything but an error-proof
story? Absolutely not. And the one they were writing after
Game 3 of the World Series sure must've made good copy, huh?
Three home runs, five hits, six rbi's? One of the greatest performances
in the history of the post-season. The media "owes" him
great coverage on this, don't you think? Hell, no. The media
should just do their job, that's it, that's all. They don't "owe"
Pujols anything. It's not in their job description.


There's nothing in Pujols' job decription that says he has
to talk to the media, is there? Steve Carlton, the Phillies Hall of
Fame never talked to the media. Never. Did he care? Absolutely
not. Did the fans of Philadelphia care? Probably not too much,
especially after Lefty helped them win the World Series in 1980.
Did ownership give a darn? Hardly, they paid Carlton to win
games, not to be popular with the media or even talk to them.
If Pujols all of a sudden became a media whore like Kevin
Millar and so many others are in today's game, and his stats
suffer, who would that fall on, who would take the blame?
Pujols, and then the media would criticize him for talking too
much.


Pujols gets paid to deliver and he's done that every single year
of his career. His stat line is just about the same every October:
300+ average, 30+HR's, 100+Rbi's. Automatic, The Machine.
Cooperstown has already reserved a place for him in the Hall
of Fame and he doesn't need the help of some revengeful, nerdy,
sportswriter to vote him in. His focus after Game 2 was getting
ready for Game 3 and the results were pretty good, weren't they?
Perhaps, Pujols didn't want to let the negativity surronding
his gaffe in Game 2 to seep into his psyche and have it affect
his hitting. Baseball is a game that can screw your head in a hurry.
Ask Adam Dunn, ask Carl Crawford, ask me. An ounce of
negativity can create self-doubt and sabatoge a season, much
less a short series.


Pujols chose not to talk about the past and instead, focus on
the future and the next game. I'm sure his teammates, Cardinals
ownership, and the fans in St.Louis are glad he did.
Pujols doesn't owe anyone in the media  anything.  He gets
paid to play the game and he's not too bad at it, is he?

Saturday, October 22, 2011

I WAS JUST WONDERING....

I was just wondering what all those critics who felt that
Albert Pujols "owed" the media an explanation for his
error in Game 2 are thinking now.

I was just wondering if John Lackey has anybody he can
call a friend besides his agent, who fleeced the Red Sox for
$80 million....

I was just wondering if anyone really cares about the guy
on Facebook who posts his workout everyday. I mean, come on,
25 push-ups, 100 sits up, and 10 chin-ups. Are we supposed
to be impressed?

I was just wondering what Tiger Woods sees in the mirror
when he looks at himself....

I was just wondering about Troy Palumalu and how cool it
was that he called his wife to tell him he was OK after getting
a concussion during a game. Screw the 10k find, that was
pretty awesome see him on the sideline phoning home to his
wife.

I was just wondering if the natural high the NESN employees
got after receiving Stanley Cup rings has worn off. I hope not.
They deserved those rings. Nice job by Sean McGail. Ray's
probably crying cause his Christmas bonus won't be as much
this year...

I  was just wondering why these sports television networks
keep pumping up Tim Tebow like he's Moses and can part
the Red Sea. Let's start with him completing 50% of his
passes before we start deifying him. Again.

I was just wondering if Red Sox ownership regrets smearing
Terry Francona's reputation the way they did....

I  was just wondering what the over/under is on the number
of years John Henry's trophy wife will stay with him before
she says, buh-bye.

I was just wondering if Nick Saban's going to ever look
back and say, "Darn, I wish I enjoyed life a little more."

I was just wondering if Stuart Scott is going to miss
that football toss during his next stand-up and get hit in
his good eye.

I was just wondering why Jerry West came out with
a book about his depression and tormented life. Some
things should be left alone.

I was just wondering how awesome the parents of the
Gronkowski's must feel, knowing they have three sons
who've played in NFL. That's amazing.

I was just wondering what Hope Solo's ex-boyfriend
is thinking.

I was just wondering when the police are going to
arrest that mother who claimed someone stole her
baby in the middle of the night. She admitted she
was drunk. This is not going to end well.

I  was just wondering if all the people on Facebook
have as great as life and they portray with pictures,
posts, and comments.

Friday, October 21, 2011

OCCUPY THIS! TOP 5 PLACES TO BE 'OCCUPIED'

5. OCCUPY ESPN. Watching Stuart Scott (Boo-yeah!) is
      bad enough, but to have our night of sports television
      interrupted by Stephen A. Smith is unbearable. They fired
      him once and then, inexplicably, brought him back. Why?
      What does he do besides scream at us (thus, the nickname
      Screamin' A. Smith). That interview he did with Terrell
      Owens was some of the worst piece of broadcasting since
      Sandra Golden used to ruin the programming at Fox Sports
      South in Atlanta. By they way, how is that Terrell Owens
      return to the NFL going?


4. OCCUPY MIAMI. Fans in Miami should really be up in
    arms over the performance of its "professional" football team.
    There is nothing professional about the Dolphins. They are
    poorly-coached, put in a poor effort, and poorly constructed.
    Remember owner Stephen Ross' prediction that Chad Henne
    would be better than Dan Marino? God, that's just further
    proof that the smartest people in the room often say the
    dumbest things. (See also Boston Red Sox ownership group.
    John Henry: "I never wanted Carl Crawford." Then why
    the hell did you give him a check for $142 million? The
    fans in South Beach should also protest anything that comes
    out of the mouth of LeBron James. No explanation needed.


3. OCCUPY REX RYAN'S SURGEON. The XXXXL coach
    of the NY Jets must be the only person on the planet who
    actually gained weight after having his stomach stapled. I mean,
    even Charlie Weis lost 2 pounds (after nearly losing his life)
    from the lap-band procedure. Ryan's surgeon is also having
    trouble extracting the foot from XXXXL's mouth. On Wednesday,
    Ryan said if he had been picked as head coach of the San
    Diego Chargers instead of Norv Turner, the franchise
    would've won a couple of Super Bowls. Ryan and the Jets
    play Turner and the Chargers on Sunday. By the way, despite
    guaranteeing Super Bowl victories in his first two seasons,
    Ryan has yet to win it.


2. OCCUPY TIGER WOODS' BRAIN. Wouldn't you just
    love to know what's going on inside the cranium of good ole
    Eldrick? What the hell were you thinking? Fans would want
    to occupy it just to protest the pure stupidity of dismantling
    the legacy of a man who had everything: money, power, fame,
    an off-the-charts gorgeous wife, and two beautiful kids. And
    for what? A couple of dozen sleezy pin-ups, porn stars, a
    neighbor's 19-year old daughter, and a waitress from Perkins?
    That deserves one big WOW!

1. OCCUPY UNDER ARMOUR. After viewing the uniforms
    they designed and produced for the Maryland football program,
    protestors should show up at the sports apparel headquarters
    in Maryland. These uniforms are a safety hazard to our eyes,
    stomach, and environment. Oh, they might be a novelty to
    some now. but by next year, the uniforms will rank with the
    Taco Bell uniforms of the San Diego Padres and the rainbow
    wrecks of the Houston Astros of the 1980's. B-R-U-T-A-L.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

BOSTON BOOZER SHUFFLE: THE BIG 3 MAKE MAGIC

Brothers in arms on the field, in the clubhouse, and drinking
establishments throughout Boston,  the Killer J's, Josh Beckett,
John Lackey, and Jon Lester have teamed up to make sweet
music. In a reprisal of the 1985 Chicago Bears "Super Bowl Shuffle"
which was produced long before the Monsters of the Midway
annihilated the New England Patriots to win the Lombardi
Trophy, the Big Three have come up with their own anthem.

Note: Imagine the beat of the original Super Bowl Shuffle,
and envision really bad, white guys dancing.


We are the Boston boozers shufflin' through,
gotta get to the clubhouse to have a frosty brew,
Forget about the game, we love our Bud and mocking Tito,
Ain't this great, we're stealing money, just like Barry Zito.


I'm Josh Beckett, the leader of the three, you may remember me,
I was the World Series MVP back in 2003.
I love to drink and throw the heater, but now I'm as despised in
Boston as Wil Cordero, that old wife-beater.

The media doesn't like my frown and wants to run me out of
town. I even get dissed by the immortal Curt Schilling,
You think I care, I've got two rings and have made a killing.


Uh-huh, Uh-huh, we are the Boston boozers shufflin' through,
gotta run back to the clubhouse to down another brew,
Who cares about Pap closing out the game, we're catching
a buzz, and by the way, that Irish Jig he does, is really kind of lame.


I'm John Lackey, the world's most miserable man,
I hate my wife, my life, and every god damn Red Sox fan.
I used to be relaxed and cool, hangin' 10 and pitching in Cali.
Now I'm uptight and a jerk, thanks to Crawford botching every
ball in the left-field alley.

I'm bummed and bored, that's why I sit in the dugout with a
a Corona in my coat,  Gotta do something to ease the pain
from watching Lucchino dance on the owner's boat.


Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh. We are the Boston boozers shufflin' through,
Pookie, you better keep the beers cold for this effin crew.
The season is just about done, gotta have another beer before
Baltimore scores the winning run.


I'm the only lefty here and lord knows, I really love my beer.
But I don't know why everybody is bitchin', I only get drunk
on the days I'm not pitching.Yes, the name is Lester, and I can't
let this Fester. We blew a big lead and it was all the manager's
fault. Don't blame us if we were just cashing checks on the way
to the vault.

Uh-huh.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

EXCLUSIVE: RED SOX BROUGHT TIGER WOODS AND HIS GIRLS INTO CLUBHOUSE

The Sportsrip has learned exclusively that Red Sox players brought
Tiger Woods and all his woman into the clubhouse during games.
Still reeling from accusations that players were drinking in the
dugout during games and eating "Fat Mama's Fried Chicken" in
the clubhouse, this new report may cause the entire organization
to unravel.

According to "team sources",  Tiger would arrive shortly after
the song, "Sweet Caroline" was played in the seventh inning.
That was the cue for Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, and John Lackey
to leave the dugout and go hang with Tiger, who was reportedly
dressed in a red Tommy Bahama shirt, black shorts, and Nike
sandals. Shortly thereafter, Rachael Uchitel and all of Tiger's
strippers would enter through the "secret" door leading from the
parking lot to the clubhouse.


A clubhouse staffer, who requested anonymity, told Sportsrip,
that Tiger was mixing ambien with Bud Light and the Red
Sox took part in a drinking game called "beer pong". During
the course of the game with the Killer J's, Jon Lester, John
Lackey, and Josh Beckett,  Tiger asked one of the girl's, who
reportedly had been a waitress at Perkin's, to make a run for
some chicken before the 8th inning and round two of beer pong.


When asked about the presence of Tiger Woods in the clubhouse,
principal owner John Henry admitted to Sportsrip that he hired
Tiger as part of the package he put together to pacify the players
after they complained about a day-night doubleheader, which also
included $300 headphones and a day on his Yacht called, "Scarecrow."

"I got Tiger to give the players a day of lessons at the Brookline
Country Club and hired the girls to tee up their balls," Henry
sheepishly said. "I didn't know that Tiger was going to show up
with the girls during the game. Maybe it loosened them up because
they've been playing like they have a red hot poker where the sun
doesn't shine."

According to a team staffer, it was Rachel Uchitel who texted
Lackey 30 minutes before his start against the Toronto Blue Jays
on September 27th. Lackey had called out the media for texting
him something "personal" just a half-hour before he had to take
his $18 million dollar a year salary and 6.14 ERA to the mound
for a big game. Sportsrip has learned that the message sent to
Lackey from Uchitel said, "LOL. U r hung like Pedro's old midget
friend, DeLaRosa. haha."

Efforts to reach Lackey, who is in Budapest visiting the
Dali Lama, were unsuccessful. Jon Lester called into
five media outlets on Tuesday in anticipation of this report and
said that it was Terry Francona's fault for letting Tiger in. "He
had never met Tiger before and Tito's chipping and putting really
suck and he wanted some advice." Lester was adamant that he
wasn't throwing Francona under the bus.


Sportsrip traveled to Katy, Texas to get a comment from Beckett,
who told a team of reporters from this site to "get off my property
or I'll shoot you with my 12-gauge shotgun." Sportsrip observed
Beckett wearing spandex shorts and a video of P90x playing on
television.

Monday, October 17, 2011

"I'll KILL YOU!" THE BEST EVER COACH CLASHES.

Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz came close to igniting "The Donnybrook
in Detroit" after the San Francisco 49ers head coach shook the Lions'
leader hand a bit too hard and slapped him on the back. Schwartz didn't
like it and went after the coach formerly known as Captain Comeback
when he played in the NFL. The confrontation was entertaining but it
wasn't the best coach-coach confrontation of all time.

4. BUDDY RYAN DELIVERS SIDELINE JAB.
    It's one thing to fight an opposing coach, it's another to go
    after a coach on your own team. Buddy Ryan was with the
    Houston Oilers when he didn't like a play-call by offensive
    coordinator, Kevin Gilbride. A lot of New York Giants
    fans would like to do this to their current offensive coordinator.
    Mike Patrick sets this one up.



3. THE LION ROARS AT CAPTAIN BACKSLAP.
    Jim Schwartz takes execption to Jim Harbaugh's excessive celebration
    after the 49ers burst Detroit's bubble and the undefeated season.


2. CHUCK NOLL GIVES JERRY GLANVILLE A FINGER-WAG
    Steelers caoch Chuck Noll was already a legend when Jerry Glanville
    came into the league dressed in black with his big mouth and his reckless
    style of play, which is teams took after. After a Steelers-Oilers game,
    Noll let Glanville have a piece of his mind. (:17 seconds )


1. "I'll KILL YOU!"
      When John Calipari was at UMass and John Chaney was at Temple,
      they used to have some killer battles on the court. But after one game,
      a battle turned into a war. A  true classic.


Sunday, October 16, 2011

STOP WITH THE UGLY UNIFORMS, PLEASE!

On Saturday, Michigan and Michigan State went down the runway
to show off their "throwback" uniforms, which to most of the clear
thinking people who aren't Occupying Wall Street, Rome, Boston,
or some other place on the map that is playing copycat and doing
what has become the new craze around the globe, were more like
"throw up" uniforms. They are uniforms so ugly they can cause
your stomach to churn, your mind to race, and your mouth go "WTF?"


This ugly uniform craze might just cause an Occupy Nike, Occupy
Under Armour, and Occupy Adidas in Oregon, Marlyand, and
Germany to protest the making of these ridiculous outfits. It seems
like Nike, Under Armour, and Adidas are trying to outdo the other,
trying to create the most buzz on social media networks, sports
talk radio, and "Pardon the Interruption." I get it. I really get it.
We are living in a day and age dominated by Twitter, Facebook,
and everything else on the Internet. This is free advertising for
the likes of Nike, Under Armour, and Adidas. Even bad criticism
of their uniform designs is good for them. It get drives the number
of hits, as well as sales. I get it.


We saw this with the University of Maryland when they debuted
their new uniforms during the first week of the college football season
when they played Miami on national television. Those uniforms
produced by Maryland grad and Under Armour founder, Kevin
Plank were hideous. But that didn't matter, they had EVERYBODY
talking and in every article, talk show,  and sports program, ugly
was followed by Under Armour. Same thing happened when Georgia
unveiled its Nike Combat uniforms in their opening game against
Boise State. Those uniforms had Heschel Walker changing personalities
again.


Is there really anybody at Under Armour, Nike, and Adidas, who
says, "Wow, these uniforms are really nice. Or classic. Or cool?"
If they do, then they got their jobs by winning some kind of lottery.
Or they just own it, like Phil Knight at Nike and Kevin Plank at
Under Armour do.

What is most surprising it that the schools with incredible tradition
like Notre Dame, Michigan, Georgia, and Michigan State are falling
into this trap of "you gotta be hip and cool" or the recruits won't
come, the boosters won't line your pockets, and the fans won't
purchase the merchandise. The New York Yankees haven't let
these apparel companies mess with tradition. Neither have the
Montreal Canadiens. They just leave well enough alone, can't
these college football programs do the same thing?

Saturday, October 15, 2011

RED SOX AND JETS:THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SPORTS

Who needs the REAL Housewives of New Jersey, Orange County,
and Beverly Hills when you have the Boston Red Sox and New
York Jets. They have become the drama queens of professional
sports. Over the past two weeks, they've given us smear campaigns,
finger-pointing, backstabbing, and a big yellow bus that's running
over people, then backing up and rolling them over again just to
make sure their out of commission.


Starting with the REAL Housewives in Boston featuring John
Henry and his beer-drinking, chicken-eating, video-playing,
team that authored the greatest collapse in baseball history, which
is pretty impressive considering the Red Sox already have their
signatures on everything associated with folding up in crunch
time. Remember 1978? How bout 1986?

After giving up a  nine-game lead on September 4th, ownership
had to blame somebody. Bill Buckner was available after his
appearance on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" coincided with the start
of the Red Sox meltdown.  But ownership made Terry Francona
the scapegoat then smeared his name by feeding the Boston Globe
with stories about a bad marriage and an addiction to painkillers
that may have contributed to the starting pitchers to have a 7-plus
ERA in September. LOL on that one. Even better, the Killer J's:
John Lackey, Jon Lester, and Josh Beckett were outed for drinking
and eating chicken wings in the clubhouse while the rest of the
team was coming unraveled on the field.


While Red Sox nation was fully engrossed in the REAL Housewives
of Boston, the New York Jets were auditioned for their reality
show in the Big Apple. There reports that Santonio Holmes and
Plaxico Burress, whose rap sheets are more impressive than their
stat sheets this season, went into Fat Daddy Rex Ryan and cried
to their head coach about Brian Schottenheimer and his play-calling,
which is very Rich Kotite-ish. Upper management immediately
shot down those reports to the press.


Then Derrick Mason, the receiver whom Bill Belichick once told to
"eff off", got sent packing to the Houston Texans because he had
become a cancer in the locker room, effecting young players with
his bad attitude. Things got dicier, when Holmes, a team captain,
threw his offensive line under the bus, telling the media, they need
to block better to give Mark Sanchez more time to throw the ball
the "playmakers". Meeeee-owwww. Can you sense a cat fight coming?

Back in Boston, billionaire John Heny was driving around town
in his Volvo when he started to listen to talk radio, who as expected,
are eating up the drama like Joey Cheatwood devours hots dogs
on the fourth of July.  And the next time an athlete, manager, or
owner says they don't read the papers or listen to talk radio, think
of Henry.


He drove to the the station, The Sports Hub, and demanded
that he be allowed to respond to the spicy rhetoric of hosts
Mike Felger and Tony Masserotti. Do you think George Steinbrenner
would've done that? He might've gone to the station and met
Felger and Mazz in the parking lot and tried to fight them. But
go on a radio station to challenge some radio hacks? Please.

Meanwhile, back in Big Apple, things were getting so juicy
that you didn't need a choreographed scene with Danielle
Staub pulling out the hair of one of her "friends" at a country
club for excitement. Brandon Moore responded to Holmes'
claims that the offensive line was a sieve by telling the
Jets captain to act like a captain and shut his pie hole. A
fractured locker room? You betcha. There are few things


more flammable than a diva receiver who just signed
a $50 million receiver throwing gasoline on the offensive
line, who do all the grunt work, are underpaid, and
under appreciated. But this is the environment Rex Ryan
created with his boisterous predictions and appointing
himself the leader of the "Animal House." If the Jets
keep losing, that house will come down quicker than
Bear Stearn and Lehman Brothers.

Cut back to the dicing and slicing in Boston. During
his interview, Henry washed his hands of the Carl Crawford
$142 million dollar signing. He put all the blame on
his "baseball people." Hey, that's great and all, but what
must Crawford be thinking after going through a year
of baseball hell. Now, he hears that his owner didn't
want him. But maybe Crawford was wearing those
$300 headsets Henry gave him and the rest of the team
to pacify the petulant crybabies who were upset with
a schedule change, and he didn't hear the Red Sox
owner diss of him.


The drama in Boston is bound to get better over the
next few weeks. Big Papa has already talked about
the possibility of playing for the Yankees. You can
bet somebody will track down John Lackey, perhaps
with a text 30 minutes before his tee time, and the
ornery, overpaid, diva in spikes will unload on
everybody, blaming everybody from Heidi Watney
to the cop who stands in the bullpen and fist
pumps Jonathan Papelbon on his way in to the game,
for his miserable season, not to mention his life.

Perhaps, NESN can bring back programming genius
Joel Feld, creator of blockbuster hits like "Sox Appeal",
"Comedy All-Stars", and "Dirty Water TV", and turn
this into a reality show for NESN. Man, this stuff
is good. All this drama is another reason why, Boston
is the best sports city in the country, bar none. Maybe
Bill Belichick will come in on roller skates in a pirates
outfit to save the day.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE THE RED SOX OWNERSHIP SCORNED

Money, power, and ego can build great empires, they can also
tear them down quicker than you can say Antonio Montana. You
remember the fictional character in "Scarface", who rose from
nothing to make "the world his oyster." As fast as he became
the most powerful man in the drug world, he tore it down with
his ego and drive to screw the people who tried to screw him.


The world was the Red Sox owners oyster. John Henry, Tom
Werner, and Larry Lucchino, could do little wrong in Boston as
they turned the team into one incredible brand. They branched out
into owning a racing team and a European soccer franchise. And
they helped turn their television network into a cash-cow.


The empire appears to be starting to crumble. With the historic
collapse of the Red Sox, failing to make the playoffs despite
having a nine-game lead on September 4th, heads had to roll
and someone had to pay the price. After all, when you invest
$161 in a team, you don't expect to be embarrassed and beaten
out by a franchise like Tampa Bay and its $41 million dollar
payroll and fan base that doesn't care.

The Boston Globe came out with a magnificent piece on the fall
of the Red Sox on Wednesday, which might be the first chapter in
what could turn out to be the fall of the empire. The article detailed
what many already knew about the characters on the team. They
had none. Petulant child-like superstars who had to be pacified
with $300 headphones and a trip on the owners yacht after they
were upset about a schedule change. There was the outing of
the killer J's. Josh Beckett, John Lackey, and Jon Lester, who
quit on the team and their conditioning programs, drinking beer
and wolfing down fried chicken as they played video games
instead of watching the team play.


But the most striking piece of the article was the utter character
assassination and smear campaign of manager Terry Francona,
who has two world series rings on his finger and the respect
of most everybody around baseball. However, when he said
so long in his press conference, he raised a lot of eyebrows when
he said that he felt he didn't have the support of the Red Sox
ownership. Nobody's eyebrows were raised more than Henry's,
Werner's, and Lucchino's, who thought there was going to be a
clean break, one where everyone looked good. So when they
came off looking a little bad, they put their best Antonio Montana
face on and said, "If you eff with me, I will kill you."


With that, they fed the Boston Globe with information about
Francona's crumbling marriage and his use of painkillers, turning
Tito into more of a scapegoat, and perhaps making another owner
think twice about hiring him. Here is Tito, a man who baby
sat the team through the likes of Manny Ramirez and the ornery
Nomar Garciaparra, who once refused to get off the bench in
a key game against the Yankees, while Derek Jeter got a facial
and split chin diving into the stands to catch a ball. Tito protected
his players through thick and thin. He said all the right things
about the players whom the owners wrongly gave millions to
and underperformed. (JD Drew, Dice-K, Crawford, Lackey)

But forget that and his loyalty to the organization. Francona made
the owners look bad and this character assassination is their revenge.
How weak, how sorry, and how petty of this ownership group.
We've seen this before,though. Lucchino was so jealous of Esptein
and his success, he threw him under bus, too, feeding a paper
information and mocking Esptein anonymously because he
never even played baseball at Brookline High School.


Don't eff with Henry, Werner, or Lucchino, or they will make
you pay. Behind their smiles and self-promotion, these guys
have wicked mean streaks like Antonio Montana. If you eff with
them, they can make your life miserable. They are trying to do
that with Francona. Soon enough, though, their empire will
crumble. It happens to most of them, sooner or later.