Tuesday, December 6, 2011
THERE'S NO DEBATE. THIS CAMPAIGN IS COMICAL
The writers for "Saturday Night Live really don't have to work too hard
these days. All they have to do is watch a Republican presidential debate
or read the Internet and they have enough material to get them through
the end of the year. With Herm Cain and company "SNL" has struck
entertainment oil. Pure, laugh your ass off, oil.
BREAKING NEWS: Another woman has come forward
claiming to have had a "relationship" with Cain. Good lord, the
Godfather of pizza may not have racked up woman as quickly
as Tiger Woods, but Cain appears to be entering Wilt Chamberlain
territory when it comes to pure volume. Remember it was Chamberlain,
the NBA legend who claimed in his book to have slept with 20,000
woman. Good 'ole Herm has to be at least halfway there, no? But
Cain probably didn't know about Chamberlain taking the soul to
hole because after all, he's a "leader, not a reader." But Cain was at
least smart enough to figure out what that scribble was on the wall and he
"suspended" his campaign. Cain now has more than enough time to get
caught up on Libya.
Infidelity surfacing during campaigns is hardly anything new. Gary Hart,
a presidential candidate in 1988, amidst allegations that he was having
an extramarital affair, challenged the media to follow him around.
Bad move. Even worse was having a picture taken of him with a
woman not his wife next to a yacht, aptly named, "Monkey Business".
Hello, Donna Rice. Good-bye to any hopes of being president. And
there isn't enough space on here to document all of Bubba's "interests"
during his run to the Oval Office.
Behind door number two is Texas Governor Rick Perry. Really?
Where in the world do they find these people? How does Perry
represent anything? During the a debate on November 9th, Perry
was asked which three agencies he would dismantle as president.
During the most uncomfortable 53-seconds in television history,
Perry got brain lock, which considering the amount of of mass
occupying the six-inch space between his ears, probably only
required a safety pin. He forget what the hell he was talking about.
Just plain forgot. Imagine if he ever made it to the White House
and had to deal with a nuclear crisis. "Where the hell is that code?
Dangit, I thought I hid it in my piggy-bank. Wait, no, I think it's
under that football that Jerry Jones sent me. No, that's not it.
It's in my cowboy boots." Oh, yeah, he definitely "stepped in it."
Good grief. I would love to be a fly on the wall where the
"SNL" writers congregate to put their skits together. The material
these debates are providing is pure comedy.
Do you think they'll be watching the debate on December 27th
when Donald Trump is moderating? I am howling already. With
that hair, that frown, and Trump's desire to be the focus of
the debate, "SNL" can produce an entire episode based around
this debate. Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman, and Ron Paul have
already said, "No, thanks." Can you blame them? There isn't a tent
big enough to put over what will be a three-ring circus. Can
somebody get Rosie O'Donnell to show up and heckle the Donald
from the front row?
Campaigns and presidential candidates that produce comedy
and fodder for all the talk shows is nothing new. Sarah Palin
provided a bottomless pit of entertainment for all of us and
made Tina Fey a bigger star than she already was. Do you
remember when Palin tried to explain why Alaska's proximity
to Russia gave her foreign policy experience.
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the
United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska.
It's just right over the border."
All you can say is wow. Oh, but there have been other "wow"
moments during other campaigns. In the 1992 Vice-Presidential
debate against Dan Quayle, Admiral James Stockdale, the running
mate of Ross Perot, began his opening statement with, "who am
I? And why am I here"? Not exactly a question you want to be
asking yourself in front of the entire country. Perot's campaign
was sunk, and the impeccable reputation of Stockdale, a true
war hero, had been tarnished forever. "SNL" didn't make anyone
forget the moment either as they continually lampooned Stockdale
Yes, there have been some great moments over the years from
various debates and campaigns, but I don't anything comes close
to the Republicans have provided already. And what's really amazing, the
campaign really hasn't even started yet.