Sunday, December 11, 2011
RYAN BRAUN'S TOP 10 REASONS FOR FAILED DRUG TEST
10. The B-12 shot that Bernie the Brewer gave me must've been tainted.
9. I was working out with Texans linebacker Brian Cushing and because we work
out really hard, I might've suffered "Overtraining Syndrome", which raises the level
of testosterone to freakish levels.
8. Prince Fielder was jealous of me, my contract, and success and I think he slipped
something into my post-game protein shake.
7. After the Big 3 Sausage race at Miller Park, the tall one handed me a brat, which
I ate in between innings, that piece of meat had testosterone in it.
6. During the ceremony at the University of Miami, where they dedicated the field to
Alex Rodriquez, he asked me to hold his drink while he made his speech. I mistakenly
took a sip. There must have been "Boli" or something like that in there.
5. Remember when I tripped and fell as I tried to score last year.Check it out on YouTube.
I ripped my elbow up in the dirt in the exact same spot Jason Giambi slid. The dianabol
from Giambi must've passed through the dirt and into my blood.
4. That ointment my masseuse was rubbing on me might not have been flaxeed oil.
3. The chewable vitamins my dad picked up from GNC had to be mismarked or tainted.
2. I wanted to fill out my helmet better so I asked Barry Bonds what he took to increase
the size of his head. It was kind of a clear gel, but looking back it did kind of
smell. That could've been it.
1. I slept with Manny Ramirez.