Thursday, November 24, 2011

TOP 5 WORST EXCUSES FOR DESPICABLE ACTS

5. MARTY MCSORLEY TRIED TO KILL A GUY TO GET
    HIM TO FIGHT. In 2000, Marty McSorley, a known NHL
    gangsta, almost decapitated Donald Brashear, another tough guy
    who made his name and money fighting on the ice. Brashear, playing
    for the Vancouver Canucks at the time, was knocked out before

   
he even hit the ice. McSorley, playing for the Bruins, had been
Wayne Gretzky's bodyguard when the two played in Edmonton
and Los Angeles was suspended immediately and never heard
from again. His excuse for the despicable act? "I was just trying
to pick a fight."


4. SAMMY SOSA DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH
    AND ONLY CORKED UP FOR BATTING PRACTICE.
    During a game against Tampa Bay in 2003, the former Cubs
    slugger broke his bat and out came enough cork to keep a
    battleship afloat. Just as he did during the Congressional hearings
    when he claimed to not understand English, Sosa played dumb
    and said he mistakenly used the bat he normally does for batting
    practice, which was corked, and took it to the plate in the real
    game. Really? I mean, really?


3. SERENA THREATENS TO FEED LINESMAN TO FISHES.
    In the semifinals of the 2009 U.S. Open, Serena Williams was
    called for a foot fault then told the linesman, "If I could, I would shove
    this ball down your throat." The linesman also claimed that Williams
    threatened to kill her. Williams' response, "maybe she misheard me.
    I've never been in a fight in my life so I don't know why she thought
    I would threaten her." Williams was raised on the mean streets of
    Compton, California. She might not have been in an Uzi fight, a
    knife fight, or a fight with nunchucks, but to say that you've never
    been in a fight? I'm not buying it.


2. CLEMENS 'MISREMBERED' DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
    BAT AND A BALL. During the 2000 World Series, Roger Clemens
    jammed up Mike Piazza of the New York Mets. The head of Piazza's
    bat went out to Clemens who made an impressive one-handed stab.
    Clemens then threw the sawed-off bat at Piazza who was running down
    the first baseline. Piazza and everyone in the world was stunned. During
    the ensuing argument, Clements said, "I thought it was the ball." So
    if you thought it was the ball, wouldn't you throw it to first base to
    record an out? You thought it was the ball? Many thought it was
    the effects of Roid Rage.


1. NA-'DUMB'-KONG SUH. The bad boy of the Detroit Lions
    gave thanks to Evan Dietrick-Smith by trying to stomp the stuffing
    out of the Green Bay Packers lineman. First, Suh pounded the guy's
    head into the turf like he was making cranberry sauce, then he gets
    up and puts a Nike imprint on Dietrick-Smith's chest and arm with
    his size 16 triple-wides. Suh said he was just trying to "remove
    himself from the situation." He just created a new method for
    defensive linemen everywhere and said this with a straight face,

   "My intention was not to kick anybody, as I did not, removing
     myself," he said. "I was on top of a guy, being pulled down,
     and trying to get up off the ground -- and why you see me pushing
     his helmet down, because I'm trying to remove myself from the
     situation, and as I'm getting up, I'm getting pushed, so I'm getting
     myself on balance."

     Yep, next Thanksgiving when I lose my balance, I'm going to
      stomp on grandma-ma to keep from falling in the sweet potatoes.

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