Saturday, October 15, 2011

RED SOX AND JETS:THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SPORTS

Who needs the REAL Housewives of New Jersey, Orange County,
and Beverly Hills when you have the Boston Red Sox and New
York Jets. They have become the drama queens of professional
sports. Over the past two weeks, they've given us smear campaigns,
finger-pointing, backstabbing, and a big yellow bus that's running
over people, then backing up and rolling them over again just to
make sure their out of commission.


Starting with the REAL Housewives in Boston featuring John
Henry and his beer-drinking, chicken-eating, video-playing,
team that authored the greatest collapse in baseball history, which
is pretty impressive considering the Red Sox already have their
signatures on everything associated with folding up in crunch
time. Remember 1978? How bout 1986?

After giving up a  nine-game lead on September 4th, ownership
had to blame somebody. Bill Buckner was available after his
appearance on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" coincided with the start
of the Red Sox meltdown.  But ownership made Terry Francona
the scapegoat then smeared his name by feeding the Boston Globe
with stories about a bad marriage and an addiction to painkillers
that may have contributed to the starting pitchers to have a 7-plus
ERA in September. LOL on that one. Even better, the Killer J's:
John Lackey, Jon Lester, and Josh Beckett were outed for drinking
and eating chicken wings in the clubhouse while the rest of the
team was coming unraveled on the field.


While Red Sox nation was fully engrossed in the REAL Housewives
of Boston, the New York Jets were auditioned for their reality
show in the Big Apple. There reports that Santonio Holmes and
Plaxico Burress, whose rap sheets are more impressive than their
stat sheets this season, went into Fat Daddy Rex Ryan and cried
to their head coach about Brian Schottenheimer and his play-calling,
which is very Rich Kotite-ish. Upper management immediately
shot down those reports to the press.


Then Derrick Mason, the receiver whom Bill Belichick once told to
"eff off", got sent packing to the Houston Texans because he had
become a cancer in the locker room, effecting young players with
his bad attitude. Things got dicier, when Holmes, a team captain,
threw his offensive line under the bus, telling the media, they need
to block better to give Mark Sanchez more time to throw the ball
the "playmakers". Meeeee-owwww. Can you sense a cat fight coming?

Back in Boston, billionaire John Heny was driving around town
in his Volvo when he started to listen to talk radio, who as expected,
are eating up the drama like Joey Cheatwood devours hots dogs
on the fourth of July.  And the next time an athlete, manager, or
owner says they don't read the papers or listen to talk radio, think
of Henry.


He drove to the the station, The Sports Hub, and demanded
that he be allowed to respond to the spicy rhetoric of hosts
Mike Felger and Tony Masserotti. Do you think George Steinbrenner
would've done that? He might've gone to the station and met
Felger and Mazz in the parking lot and tried to fight them. But
go on a radio station to challenge some radio hacks? Please.

Meanwhile, back in Big Apple, things were getting so juicy
that you didn't need a choreographed scene with Danielle
Staub pulling out the hair of one of her "friends" at a country
club for excitement. Brandon Moore responded to Holmes'
claims that the offensive line was a sieve by telling the
Jets captain to act like a captain and shut his pie hole. A
fractured locker room? You betcha. There are few things


more flammable than a diva receiver who just signed
a $50 million receiver throwing gasoline on the offensive
line, who do all the grunt work, are underpaid, and
under appreciated. But this is the environment Rex Ryan
created with his boisterous predictions and appointing
himself the leader of the "Animal House." If the Jets
keep losing, that house will come down quicker than
Bear Stearn and Lehman Brothers.

Cut back to the dicing and slicing in Boston. During
his interview, Henry washed his hands of the Carl Crawford
$142 million dollar signing. He put all the blame on
his "baseball people." Hey, that's great and all, but what
must Crawford be thinking after going through a year
of baseball hell. Now, he hears that his owner didn't
want him. But maybe Crawford was wearing those
$300 headsets Henry gave him and the rest of the team
to pacify the petulant crybabies who were upset with
a schedule change, and he didn't hear the Red Sox
owner diss of him.


The drama in Boston is bound to get better over the
next few weeks. Big Papa has already talked about
the possibility of playing for the Yankees. You can
bet somebody will track down John Lackey, perhaps
with a text 30 minutes before his tee time, and the
ornery, overpaid, diva in spikes will unload on
everybody, blaming everybody from Heidi Watney
to the cop who stands in the bullpen and fist
pumps Jonathan Papelbon on his way in to the game,
for his miserable season, not to mention his life.

Perhaps, NESN can bring back programming genius
Joel Feld, creator of blockbuster hits like "Sox Appeal",
"Comedy All-Stars", and "Dirty Water TV", and turn
this into a reality show for NESN. Man, this stuff
is good. All this drama is another reason why, Boston
is the best sports city in the country, bar none. Maybe
Bill Belichick will come in on roller skates in a pirates
outfit to save the day.

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