Tuesday, September 6, 2011


The uniforms that Maryland broke out on Monday night were so
ugly and mind-boggling that the "Queer eye for the straight guy"
is thinking about doing a Chaz Bono. They caused LeBron
James to tweet the most intelligent thing he's tweeted in his
life: "OMG, those Maryland uniforms. Ewwwwwwwww"

Maryland, say it ain't so. You have got to be kidding me. I realize
that you can't figure out your state colors and that ridiculous
checker-board thing, but come on. When those uniforms arrived
from Under Armour,  did you say, "wow, those are really cool."

Those uniforms easily surpass the Houston Astros rainbow jerseys
of the '80's and the Taco Bell uniforms of the San Diego Padres of
the same era as the worst in college or professional sports history.
Did Kevin Plank, Maryland grad and founder of Under Armour,  give
Lindsay Lohan a paint set after an all-nighter  and say, `"go to it,
give me your best color scheme and design"?

And those helmets. There has NEVER been an uglier piece of head
gear in the history of sports.  NASCAR should borrow them and
use it for the checkered flag at next years Daytona 500.  Then they
should pass it on to interrogators at Abu Ghraib to flip over and use
as part of their torture technique for prisoners. Forget about waterboarding,
having to look at those helmets would be enough to make any
terrorist cry uncle. If you have seen a worse looking helmet anywhere,
let me know.

What the heck is going on in college football with all these "shock
the world and turn Knute Rockne over in his grave" uniforms?
Some of these schools like Maryland, Georgia, and Oregon seem
to be in competition to see who can make the college football world
say, "WTF?" more often.

Georgia, a team steeped in tradition, sported their "Nike Combat"
cherry-bomb uniforms and promptly laid a stinker against Boise
State. The Bulldogs could've won 120-3 and nobody would've talked
about it because their uniforms where such a distraction. I haven't
an ensemble that outrageous since Barry Melroses' last gig on
SportsCenter. I realize that was a one-time wear for Georgia, but
they should promptly burn those things or send them to Casey
Anthony to wear as punishment for the rest of here life.

I understan that these schools produce all these uniforms for marketing
and merchandising reasons. The more uniforms you sell in the
school gift shop, the more money you make. I get it. And I understand
the whole, bad publicity is better than no publicity, thing. But you
have to get a grip. Perhaps, you all think you are "thinking outside
the box",  "making a statement",  or "revolutionizing uniforms".
Blah, blah, blah. You're making a mockery of the game is all you're
really doing. I'll take a Penn State uniform over these new age uniforms
any day.

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