Saturday, September 3, 2011

SUNDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK

The one thing that jumped out at me during the opening-week of college football
were the hideous uniforms of several teams. Georgia, what the hell were
you thinking? Cherry red and whatever. The Bulldogs ditched their classic
red jerseys with white and black trim and gray pants, the one's that
Herschel Walker made famous in the early 80's, for the Nike Pro Combat
ones. Seriously, they looked like one of the suits Barry Melrose wears
after an all-nighter. Absolutely hideous. I sometimes think Nike makes
them that ugly just so that everyone has the reaction that me and everyone
else not on LSD had when they first saw them. Dress for success? The
first-game only uniforms didn't help as the Dawgs lost the game to Boise
State, whose uniforms weren't much better, either.


Speaking of Nike, the Oregon-based company has cart blanche when
it comes to outfitting the Oregon Ducks. Founder Phil Knight is an
Oregon alum and he's been taking care of the quack attack for years,
pumping Bill Gates-type money into the program. He's made sure the
team has about 12 different color combinations that makes everyone go wow.
Against LSU, the Ducks wore all black uniforms with neon-yellow trim,
or perhaps I should call it fluorescent. If the stadium lights went out, you'd
be able to see nothing but yellow fire-flies running around. Even the shoes,
sweatbands, and elbow pads were neon yellow. Like Georgia, the uniforms
didn't help the Ducks as they got Elmer Fudd-ed by LSU.

NOTRE DAME? OVERRATED ONCE AGAIN. The Fighting Irish
came into their season-opener against South Florida ranked 16th in the country.
Brian Kelly and company laid a stink bomb against the Bulls. They let Skip
Holtz, a Notre Dame grad, former player, and son of Lou, to come in South
Bend and totally outplay the Irish in a storm delayed game. Seriously, you
lose to South Florida on your home turf in the opening-game of the season?
That's bad. Polls are already being taken under Touchdown Jesus to see
how long Kelly's tenure as God's coach is going to last. Ooooy.


IN THE FAST 'LANE' ONCE AGAIN? Every time
I see Lane Kiffin on the sidelines, I wonder just how he got three of the best
jobs in his profession before the age of 40 while having done absolutely nothing
but be a Kiffin to get them. Head coach of the Raiders, Tennessee, and USC?
Wow. That's not too shabby. Kiffin and company didn't look all that great
in beating Minnesotat at the Coliseum. The way things are going, Kiffien could
be on pace to be the next coach of the Patriots when Hoodie Belichick retires.
Perhaps all the administrators are impressed not by Kiffin, but rather his wife,
who is hot enough to start a five-alarm fire. Just how does little Lane do it?
The guy's had one heckuva charmed life.


BEST PERFORMANCES.
Landry Jones    QB   Oklahoma 35-47 375 Yds 1TD
Ryan Broyles    WR  Oklahoma 14 catches 145 YDs 1TD
Matt Barkley    QB   USC         34-45 304 Yds 3 TD's
Robert Woods  WR  USC        17 catches 177 Yds 3 TD's
Robert Griffin    QB   Baylor     21-27 359 Yds. 5 TD's.
HEISMAN WATCH
It's Andrew Luck's to lose. The Stanford QB was runner-up to Cam
Newton for the Heisman last year and comes in as the favorite to take
college football's most prestigious award. He went 17-for 26 for 2TD's
and also ran for a touchdown in Stanford's season-opening win over
San Jose State.

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