If the Dos Equis guy is the most interesting man in the world, then
Pac-Man Jones certainly has to be the dumbest. God blessed him
with the physical gifts to be the perfect cover-corner in the NFL.
He has size, Usain Bolt-type speed, and hips on a swivel that change
on a dime to blanket lightning-fast receivers like Andre Johnson.
However, when it came to handing out the brains and style to Pac-Man,
God must've been out tweeting back to Lebron James that it wasn't his time
to win an NBA title or changing his Facebook profile picture. Pac-Man's
elevator doesn't exactly go to the top. Come to think of it, I don't
think anything goes anywhere in that six-inch space between his ears.
Last week, Pac-Man Jones a defensive back who has played with
the Titans, Cowboys, and Bengals got arrested--for the seventh time!
He's a far cry from the most interesting or intelligent man in the world,
for that matter.
With all that said, it's easy to see how much different Pac-Man and the
Dos Equis guy really are.
The Dos Equis guy has one friend on Facebook...himself. While
Pac-man Jones has one friend in life...handcuffs.
The mother of the Dos Equis guy has a tattoo that says, "son".
Pac-Man's mother has her son's jail processing number 3754830
tatooed across her back.
The DE guy rarely drinks beer, but when he does, he drinks Dos Equis.
Pac-Man Jones always drinks beer and when he does, he drinks a lot
Sharks have a week dedicated to the Dos Equis guy. The police have
a saying in honor of Pac-Man Jones: "you have the right to remain silent."
The Dos Equis guy is the life of parties he has never attended.
Pac-Man Jones is the life of the parties when he makes it rain for strippers.
The Dos Equis guy once punched a magician. That's right, you heard me.
Pac-Mac Jones has punched more than one woman. That's right, you heard me.
In museums, the Dos Equis man is allowed to touch the art. In strip clubs,
Pac-Man Jones is forbidden from putting his hand on anything that moves.
The Dos Equis man says it's never too early to start beefing up your obituary.
ESPN has already told their producers to start working on the obituary
of Pac-Man Jones.
The Dos Equis man can speak French, in Russian. Pac-Man Jones can't
speak English, in English,
The Dos Equis man's favorite motto is, "stay thirsty my friends" while
Pac-Man is famous for saying, "not guilty, your honor."
The Dos Equis man has never played in the NFL, but if he did,
he'd be Joe Montana. Pac-Man could've been another Lester Hayes. But after his
seventh-arrest, he might be headed for a witness protection program in Montana.