Thursday, July 7, 2011

ROGER CLEMENS ON TRIAL: LIES AND A LANGUAGE ALL HIS OWN.

Judge Wopner: Mr. Clemens, are you saying it was a misnomer when you
                       said the Mr. Petitte 'misremembered' some of the things he
                       was talking about it.

Roger Clemens: I didn't saying anything about missing nomar, I didn't play
                        with him at all, so to say I miss nomar would be patiently false.

Judge Wopner: You mean, "patently" false?

Roger Clemens:  Yeah, that too. But I never misnomer.

Judge Wopner:  What about the fact that Brian McNamee said he injected
                        your wife with HGH?

Roger Clemens: Her eyes were receiving her, that was me who was injecting
                        Debbie. I'm the only one who does that. Did you know that
                        all of my kids names start with a K? The K stands for strikeout.
             
Judge Wopner:  That's nice, Mr. Clemens. But didn't you mean to say Debbie's
                        eyes were 'deceiving' her?

Roger Clemens: Deceiving? Can you please that in a sentence, your honor? I
                         saw that spelling bee on ESPN, and the kids would always ask
                         that. Can you give me a lifeline too? I think I need to ask
                         Jose Canseco what deceiving means, he's pretty smart, ya know?

Judge Wopner:   Speaking of Mr. Canseco, didnt you say you were at
                         a barbeque with him in Miami when records show that
                         you were actually playing golf at the time?

Roger Clemens:  People screwed that one up. I said I was playing golf
                         and had barbeque. Back in Texas, in which I
                         migrained from Ohio....

Judge Wopner:   Hold on, Mr. Clemens. Didnt you mean 'migrated' from?
                         As in,  moved from? It's migrated not migrained!

Roger Clemens:  Are you a doctor too? No? Well, then let me finish.
                         In Texas, they pull pork, shred it up, then you have
                         barbeque. And Jose impounded it from Austin, and
                         got it to the party. Canseco's awesome. He's a generous
                         miser.

Judge Wopner:   Generous miser? Isn't that an oxymoron?

Roger Clemens:  Who you calling a moron? It was just me and Canseco.

Judge Wopner:  Well, then, that would be two morons, Mr. Clemens.
                        Wouldn't it?

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