Sunday, July 24, 2011


Brett Favre is like the itch that you just can't get rid of. You scratch it,
pick it, and use all kinds of lotion to make it go away, yet it just keeps
on coming back.

He's like the gopher in "Caddyshack", too. You can try to shoot it,
drown it, and even blow it up, but it still comes back to annoy the hell
out of you.

Brett Favre, and even the mention of a comeback is enough to make
me sick. Every year at this time, Favre, a bona-fide attention junkie,
needs to get his name in the news. He needs to feel wanted, loved,
appreciated, and coddled. I hate to keep using the "Groundhog Day"
analogy, but it's just appropriate.

Every June and July, we have to keep re-living the nightmare. Forget
about Bill Murray's character, I want to drive off a road and into a
canyon. This is re-DICK-u-lous!

On Sunday, some look-at-me, attention starved reporter, not related
to the Favre narcissistic family, opened the can of worms using the
old, "my sources" told me that the Eagles could be interested in Favre
as a back-up to Michael Vick if number 2 quarterback Kevin Kolb
is traded once this comical lockout ends.

First of all, don't be surprised if Favre's camp was the "source." Brett
and company do it every year. I'm just surprised that ESPN didn't break
out its wall-to-wall coverage like they did for the news that Favre texted
a teammate last year that he was "done". Bring in the analysts, make up
the full-screen graphic how Favre has thrown the most touchdown passes,
as well as interceptions.

Bring in the legend Tim Hasselback (why is he on ESPN
anyway? Oh, that's right. Elizabeth has some major pull at ABC) to explain
how #4 was such a gunslinger and competitor. Blah, blah, blah. Stop. Quit
all this talk about Favre.

As bad as it is to live in anywhere Mississippi, Favre is not coming back.
There's no way. It's gone way beyond being a joke. It's downright sickening.
Move on, get your number retired by the Packers, kiss and make up with
them and go into the Hall of Fame and we'll see you as an analyst on ESPN.
Just put an end to all this garbage.

I'd rather hear a filibuster by Anthony Weiner than any talk of Favre. I'd
rather watch Lindsay Lohan go into court again with her $1200 Jimmy Choo
shoes on her feat and cry poverty. Favre this, Favre that. Yeah, Favre
who couldn't even talk to Aaron Rodgers after the Packers drafted him
in the first round, is going to be a back-up to anyone, much less Michael
Vick. He'll just be one big distraction.

Then Jenn Sterger will work her way back into the media spotlight and
demand an apology from Brett because she didn't follow Erin Andrew's
handbook on how to turn a negative into a positive. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I can see it and hear it now. Please, don't let any talk of Brett Favre
get into the mainstream media after Sunday. We cannot take this anymore.

What, Brett's going to hold a clipboard for the entire season while making
2 million a year? Please. His ego is bigger than the people who make fan pages
or "public figure" pages for themselves just because they are a local television
reporter in a redneck market where the I.Q. level is lower than that of
the Casey Anthony jury.

We just had four months of this garbage with the lockout talk and now we
have to hear about Favre again? Say it ain't so.

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