I had a really funny dream last night. Just after the Bruins finished
parading their well-earned Stanley Cup around the ice and NBC
signed off, a commercial I had never seen before popped onto the
"Hi, I'm Gloria Allred. If you're a porn-star, prosititue, pin-up,
or a gold-digging socialite who has been involved with an athlete,
politician, or any other celebrity, please call me. I can give you
your 15 minutes of fame, a nice settlement, and perhaps your own
reality show. Just call 1-800-GOLD-DIGG.
I rolled over and had another dream just before I woke up.
"Hi, I"m Drew Rosenhaus. If you've been in prison for the last
two years and want to resume your NFL career, look me up.
If you just brought your school down and got your coach fired,
and need a character makeover, I'm your guy. I'm from the "U",
and I'm the agent for you.
Now for the nightmare. Gloria Allred and Drew Rosenhaus are
the type of sleaze that give lawyers and agents a bad name. They
show up to exploit a moment and others. Every time there is a scandal,
they are not only sniffing around, but they are usually front and center.
Rachel Uchitel wants to fleece Tiger Woods for millions? Oh, yeah,
there's Gloria with dollar signs in her eyes.Plaxico Burress gets out of prison?
There is Rosenhaus, in his 1980's polo shirt, jumping into his arms.
Porn-star and stripper Ginger Lee saw Anthony's Weiner, there is
Gloria putting mustard and relish on the controversy. Terrelle Pryor,
tarnishes his image and brings down Ohio State with his money grab,
there is good ole Drew to help restore his image and get an NFL contract.
It's sick, but it's become almost laughable. Allred and Rosenhaus should
team up and form their own company, "Sleaze R Us." Every scandal ridden
athlete, porn star, prostitute, and pin-up have a place to go. And as we've
seen over the years, there are enough of them to fill-up Yankee Stadium, twice.
Perhaps, Weiner should sign on with Rosehaus to represent him in his post-
political career. I mean, if Eliot Spitzer can get his own show on CNN, then
the world should be Weiner's oyster, right?
Ginger Lee, a southern belle from Atlanta, who followed Weiner on Twitter
because of his "views on planned parenthood". Yes, I couldn't make that
up, but Gloria probably did. She force-fed Ginger Lee all the lines, because
after all, Ginger Lee is not the brightest bulb in the strip club. Watching that
"press conference" was almost as funny as the one where one of Tiger's
former porn-star hook-ups started to cry when Eldrick didn't apologize
to her during his sappy press conference. And yes, Gloria Allred was
at the side of THAT porn-star, too.
Rosenhaus, who also represents Terrell Owens, who has worn out his
welcome, as quick as Ricky Gervais did at last year's Golden Globe awards.
T.O is the utlimate diva, the kind of player that Rosenhaus adores. While
defending T.O, after another Diva-driven moment, good ole Drew
had to answer questions from the media about T.O, and became
more famous for saying "Next question", to every derogatory question
about his star diva.
Man, I've written so much about these two opportunists, I'm starting
to get slime on me. Might have to shower twice. Behind every sleaze
is usually a scandal. If either Allred or Rosenhaus get into toruble in
the future, perhaps they call call each other for representation. They
certainly deserve each other.