Monday, April 11, 2011

THINGS I'LL DO IF BARRY BONDS GOES TO JAIL.

Did the same prosecution team in the O.J. case get assigned to
the perjury trial of Barry Bonds? They had just about eight years
to prepare and millions of dollars to work with, and that was the
best they could do?

Oh, that was smooth, trying to submit a secretly recorded tape that
supposedly was going to be the slam dunk, Katie bar the door evidence
that would send the home run king in the big house. Attempting to get that
by the defense, is like trying to sneak the sun past a rooster. Not happening.

This team put together by the government has been so bad, that Roger
Clemens is doing cartwheels and already working on new ways to screw
up the English language for his perjury trial in three months. Is it in June or
July? I don't know, I misremember.

They talked about a growing head, shrinking private parts, and the bad
temper of Bonds as proof that he had taken steroids. His ex-girlfriend
claimed that he yelled at her and threatened to kill her. It had to be the
effects of steroids, they said. If that was the case, Mel Gibson must've
been downing steroids as if they were Flinstone chewables.

Bottom line. The government has no chance of getting a conviction.
Bonds will never spend a day in jail because of all this. Never. If he
does, I will do the following.

TOP 10 THINGS I'LL DO IF BONDS GOES TO JAIL.

10. I will shave my head like Bonds.

 9. Will shine my newly-shaved dome with flaxeed oil.

 8. Dress up like a giant syringe and walk across the Golden Gate Bridge.

 7. Swim from Alcatraz to San Francisco in a purple speedo. I did 3
     miles in the East River in NYC in trunks, so I'm not worried
    about going a bit lighter.

 6. Put an asterisk on my forehead.

 5. Have "762", the number of Bonds' lifetime HR's tattooed on my
     right bicep.

 4. Have "73",  Bonds' single-season record for HR's tattooed on my
     left bicep.

 3. Pierce my nipple and hang a ring with #24 on it.

 2. Start a "Be Nice to Barry" Facebook page.

 1.Name my first two kids, "The Cream", and "The Clear."

1 comment:

  1. Even before he took steroids, Bonds was one of the best home run hitters of all time, especially at his position. He was the perfect leadoff man, great speed and power.
    Take a look at the Evolution of Bonds by Time Magazine. Its crazy.

    ReplyDelete