Sunday, March 13, 2011

THINGS ROGER GOODELL CAN BUY ON HIS $1 SALARY

As promised, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has cut his salary
from $10 million dollars a year, to just $1. His wife, Jane Skinner,
who is an anchor at Fox news, will have to bring home the bacon
now. With the help of Amazon.com and Ebay, I've come up with
items that Goodell can buy for his $1 salary during the lockout.

AUTHENTIC NYPD HANDCUFFS. 12 cents. Pac-man
Jones and Tank Johnson are going to have a lot of free time with
the lockout and chances are they're going to get locked up. In a
preventative measure, Goodell handcuffs them to the poles at their
favorite strip clubs. (2 pairs, 24 cents)

DVD OF "DUMB AND DUMBER". Used copies are going
for a penny, so Goodell picks up a dozen to distribute to the owners
and players who can't figure out a way to divvy up 9 BILLION
DOLLARS. (12 copies, 12 cents)

10-GALLON STETSON COWBOY HAT. 32 cents (Used)
In a peace offering to DeMaurice Smith, the head of the Player's Union,
Goodell purchases the hat on-line and gives it to Smith, who quickly
adds it to his collection of really bad hats. (1 hat, 32 cents)

THE NEW TIGER WOODS AUTOBIOGRAPHY:
"How I screwed up a really good thing." (1 copy, 4 cents)

FAMILY PASS TO RIKER'S ISLAND. 6 cents. Goodell's
going to have some extra time to see the sights of New York
City. This all-day pass will let him visit a guy who used to catch
them in the NFL, Plaxico Burress. No time like the lockout to
get reacquainted.

THE NEGOTIATOR (Board game) 3 cents. (Used)
Premise of the game: "Choose your words carefully to
prevent people from committing really bad acts".

HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL'S: Ticket distribution
for stadiums and big events. After the Super Bowl fiasco,
Goodell might want to purchase a copy for he and Jerry
Jones to read in their spare time. (2 copies, 11 cents)

The ERGObaby sucking pad. To be distributed to all owners
and players who are crying over a 9 billion dollar pot of gold.
This pad was created for your baby's teething years. This reversible
pad will not only extend the life of your carrier due to less frequent
washings, but will give you peace of mind knowing that your baby
is teething on 100% cotton. One pair enclosed, 8 cents.

8 fantastic items for $1





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