Tuesday, March 8, 2011

THE MIAMI HEAT AND THE CRYING GAME.

The Miami Heat CRYING after their loss to the Chicago Bulls on
Sunday? Interesting. This wasn't the NBA Finals or a do-or-die game.
It was just game number 63 on the schedule. But a few players
on this super team that America loves to hate, were crying. Waaaaah!
They were reportedly dropping tears like Chris Cooper in "American
Beauty" after he revealed a secret he had kept hidden for years.
At least it's good to know that some of them care, and they're not
just interested in cashing their fat paychecks and drinking on South
Beach. But to let everyone know that you were having a weak
moment? It might be time to bring in Dr. Phil. In light of the Heat
shedding tears, I bring you the top 5 worst crying moments in sports.

5. GLENN "BIG BABY'' DAVIS. Boston Celtics. Davis lived
up to his  nickname a few years ago during a game against Portland.
The Celtics had seen a 25-point second-half lead dwindle down to
eight points. During a timeout, Kevin Garnett was talking to the team
which was huddled around him. KG tried to pull "Big Baby" into the
huddle while using some choice words. Davis didn't want any part
of the tongue-lashing and took a spot at the end of the bench, with
a towel over his head. The bottom lip was quivering and tears were
rolling down his face. Thought he'd never live that one down in
Beantown, but when you're part of an NBA title team, you can be
forgiven.

4. TERRELL OWENS NFL Wide Receiver. After a loss to the
New York Giants, Owens, who was playing with the Dallas Cowboys
at the time, was being asked in the post-game press conference,
about the performance of Tony Romo. The media was picking on
the QB for his penchant for throwing picks. T.O. took offense.
Behind some very large, Kim Kardashian-type sun glasses, T.O.
broke down. "That's my teammate...it's not fair. That's my quarterback.
(sniffle, sniffle) They may have been crocodile tears, but no crying list
 is complete without a diva. Thank you, T.O.

3. WADE BOGGS Hall of Fame third-baseman. While playing with
the Boston Red Sox during the 1986 World Series, Boggs like every
on one else on the Saawx, thought they were finally going to break
the curse. Then Buckner happened. Then Calvin Schraldi happened.
Disaster. While the Mets celebrated, the NBC cameras focused on
Boggs, who was crying uncontrollably. I thought Mr. Whipple was
going to come out of the stands to give him some tissue. Now, I must
admit, I cried like that after I took my foot off first base, allowing
the winning run to score. But I was in LITTLE LEAGUE. You're
allowed to do  that, right? I was better after mom got me a giant
chocolate custard from the Sweet Shoppe. But come on, Wade.
You didn't cry that hard after Margo Adams outed you as sex-crazed
maniac who cheated on his wife.

2 OLIVER McCALL Boxer. I hit the way back machine for this
one, but it's a classic. 1997. Las Vegas. McCall vs Lennox Lewis.
You have the information, now go check it out on Youtube. During
the fight, McCall had one the greatest meltdowns in sports history.
Right in the middle of the fight, McCall, who had beaten Lewis
in their first fight, starts bawling like a baby. Mills Lane, the referee,
said. "I thought he was playing possum. But I saw that his lip was
quivering and I said to myself, 'my god, is he crying?". Yes, he
was. Lane had to stop the fight because McCall wouldn't
defend himself. I think some men dressed in white put a
straight jacket on McCall and took him to see Nurse Ratched
in the "Cuckoo's Nest".

1 NANCY KERRIGAN Olympic skater. Natalie Portman would
be needed to play Kerrigan in the movie because Kerrigan was "The
Black Swan" of figure skating. Graceful on the ice, not so smooth
off it. While preparing for the 1994 Olympics Trials, Kerrigan was
attacked by a Tonya Harding-hired thug. He whacked her flush
on the knee with a pipe. You talk about pain.Wow. That was bad.
Unfortunately for Kerrigan, somebody had a camera to record
her pain and anguish. After the f-bombs and god dang-its, Kerrigan
unleashed two words that became etched in our memory, "Why me?"
And then she uttered them again in a shriek or shrill that was worse
than the sound of fingers nails on a blackboard. Painful for her,
and painful for us.

HONORABLE MENTIONS Dick Vermail, ex-NFL coach. He
cried after he WON games. Mike Schmidt. Hall of Fame 3B. Did
you ever see his retirement press conference? Mary Decker after
being tripped by Zola Budd in 1984 Olympics.

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