Wednesday, March 2, 2011


5. CARLOS ZAMBRANO Chicago Cubs. The organization made
    Zambrano go to anger management after his epic meltdown last year.
    Or I should say epic meltdowns cause the man they call "Volcano"
    erupted on more than one occasion. After getting ejected by the
    umpire while disputing a close call at home plate, Zambrano hurled a
    ball into the left-field bleachers, which was by far, his best throw
    of the season. Then after giving up five runs in the first inning of a
    game, Zambrano went ballistic  yelling at teammates and nearly
    getting in a fight with Derek Lee and  manager Lou Pinella. Zambrano,
    who will make $18 million dollars this season,  actually calmed down
    after a few sessions with Dr. Phil. But as they say, once a volcano,
    always a volcano, and the "Big Z" could go postal in 2011.

4. BO PELLINI. Nebraska head football coach. Have you ever seen this
   guy on the sideline during a game? He looks like somebody shoved
   a red-hot poker where the sun doesn't shine. The guy is a five-alarm
   fire with smoke coming out of his ears and projectiles launching from
   his mouth. The university and Big 12 have already reprimanded Pellini
   for his antics. The Big 10 gets Pellini next year and that conference hasn't
   seen a lunatic like this since Woody Hayes of Ohio State punched out
   Charley Bauman of Clemson that ended his career.

3. MILTON BRADLEY. Seattle Mariners OF. After putting Bradley on this list,
    I hit the Staples button because that was easy. Total wackadoodle. Nut job.
    He makes Carl Everett look like Mr Rogers in the neighborhood. Should
    we run down the list? Throws a ball at a fan as a Dodger. Tries to pile drive
    an umpire as a Padre. As a Ranger, he runs up to the Royals broadcast
    booth after hearing the announcers criticize him. He gets run out of Chicago
    and arrested in Seattle. Tick..Tick...Tick. Run for cover, this guy is another
    walking time bomb.

2. RON ARTEST. Los Angeles Lakers. Artest hasn't played well this year
    and has been relatively quiet, but who can forget his bizarre press conference
    after winning last year's NBA finals? Whoa! Talking about his relationship
    with his shrink and then celebrating while still in his uniform at a bar in L.A.
    Great stuff. But he's still combustible and capable of another breakdown.
    I mean, how can we leave a guy off the list who ignited the biggest brawl
    in NBA history when he played for the Indiana Pacers? He's close to
    Charlie Sheen in Los Angeles so I'm sure he was taking good notes of
    Sheen's recent performance.

1. MIKE TYSON. You didn't forget about "Iron Mike" did you? He was
    featured on HBO's "Real Sports" last week and has his own show on
    Animal Planet. He and the pigeons, what's up with pigeons? The former
    self-proclaimed, "baddest man on the planet" is going to be in "Hangover 2"
    to make another cameo. You had to love his performance in the first movie.
    The more you see Tyson,  the more you hear about him getting into
    trouble later. I think he's still suffering  from the curse that Robin Givens
    put on him. He met and married the gold-digger  and then went crazy,
    losing his title, millions, his freedom, and what sanity he had left. Tyson
    seems more at peace with himself now, after going from champ to clown.
    But for a guy who was arrested more than 30 times before he was 13,
    trouble never seems to be far away. I can see him telling Jim Gray during
    an exclusive interview, that he "wants to eat his children", and then
    eating both of his ears. I just can't see the Tyson story with anything
    but a tragic ending.

1 comment:

  1. This is tremendous. Too funny! I think i just peed my pants. It had me laughing sideways. You should write an article like this every month. We sure know there is no shortage of nuts in the world of sports . . . or in the world of celebrity.